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Nope, I’m Not “Adulting” Anymore
I’m writing this post on the WordPress app from the lobby of my local bank, where I’m waiting to open a savings account and order checks for my checking account, and one word is reverberating through my head loud enough to drown out the whiny Muzak being pumped through the bank lobby: “ADULTING” Adulting: I…
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Yes, I Actually Floated In A Sensory Deprivation Tank (Mostly)
It’s the day after my float, and I want to write down everything while I still have a thin crust of salt in my forearm hairs. So I want it on record that *I* was the one who had this wacky idea in the first place. It was at a health foods store in California where my…
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New Neighbors
New York City is a diverse, fascinating place to live. You never know who you’re going to meet! And one’s own neighborhood can be a thrilling opportunity to get to know people from all sorts of exotic cultures. Why, take a look at my new neighbors! Just a few months ago, some new neighbors moved in…
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MTV True Life: I Deleted Snapchat And My Life Is Honestly Better
Oh wow, I guess I’m officially old. I was SUPER INTO Snapchat when I downloaded it. I admit, I was already behind the trend, but I really loved the idea of a video-based social media. Snapchat felt more intimate than Instagram, less filtered, and authentic. There was like, your Instagram persona, and your Snapchat persona. Instagram was…
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I Got The Power
I wanted to pop in a week after this post and give you an update on my medical situation, but since then, the health and welfare of the entire country has gone critical. I can’t believe it actually happened, but Tr*mpcare passed the HOR. REALLY?! I mean, HOW?!? We have to stop this from passing the Senate. I’m hopeful, but not exactly confident, considering just…
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You Got Me, Babe
Ok I said it like five months ago that May was gonna be the month that Tr*mp was impeached. And y’all, it is just taking way too long. America is getting scarier and worse by the day. What am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for you to impeach him? Well, I can’t do that. There’s…
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Good News! We Survived Another Week!
(sexy Muscovy duck via this website, it’s in Russian, I don’t know what it’s called) We did it, everybody! This week has been hard. Starting on Sunday, when I woke up with my entire arm tingling. I went to the walk-in clinic and left with a prescription for nerve pain meds and a referral to get…
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What I DO/DON’T Believe In
Being a ghost tour guide, I get asked a lot if I believe in ghosts. Actually, I get asked if I believe in a lot of things that fall under the realm of supernatural on my tours. I guess it goes with the tour-ritory! What. What was that portmanteau. I’m so sorry. But it occurred to me that I…
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? Giving You? THE FINGER ? Since 1991 ?
I lost my innocence in the first grade. Cue title sequence: Fast Times at Vestal Hills Elementary. You know what it’s like to be six years old and the “new kid” in a school where all the other kids have known each other since kindergarten (you know, a whole year ago)? You have to prove you’re tough.…
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The Only Things I Ever Buy At Trader Joe’s. No, Really.
So back like, two years ago? I lived in Manhattan and close to a train line that ran basically from Trader Joe’s TO MY HOUSE. *pause for a moment of silence as we remember* This was the best because I could easily lug home whatever I wanted, and thus, anything I wanted, I would just chuck…
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Currently… in May 2017
FEELING: Busy! I’m worried about my right hand, but you know something? I really handle “busy” very well. When I’m busy, I’m more motivated to get more things done. Are you that way, too? I mean, not always important things. Have you noticed that I’ve been blogging like, every day this week? And yesterday, I bought 24…
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You’re Gonna Have A Bad Time
Raise your hand if you’re having a bad morning! So a few weeks ago at the shop, I injured my thumb. Well, not *injured* per se, but I spent a day squeezing a bottle of mostly-hardened glue and at the end of it, my thumb on my right hand was tingly. Not numb. Not hurt. Just…tingly. I…
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Good News: Some Things Shouldn’t Make Me Laugh (But They Do)
First of all, please go to this website and watch the video of the doggo who learned how to eat whipped cream straight from the canister. GO! And now for the obvious joke: “What breed of dog is this? Is she a “WHIP-IT?” Omg sometimes my brilliance hurts, it really hurts. You’re in for a…
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I Wasn’t “Counting On” Loving This Duggar Spinoff But, Well, Here We Are
Before you click through, rolling your eyes and scoffing Meghan, come on, what are you thinking?, you should hear me out on this one. And know, too, that I have always found 19 Kids and Counting extremely difficult to watch. The hallmarks of 19KaC didn’t make for very good entertainment, so I thought. Once the initial shock of such a…
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FASHION…. OF THE FUTURE!!!!
Grok these pants. Go ahead. Grok them fully. Like any child who grew up in the ’80s — that’ll be the nineteen-eighties, thankyouverymuch — we were taught through our movies, television, books, and music videos to expect certain things from our future: food in pill form: I was a picky eater as a kid,…
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Let The People Live
1 Day post-Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino — is the world really that much worse for having had the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino? Yep, this is a piece about the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino. Everybody’s been fuh-reeeeking out about it. It has sugar! It’s Insta-bait! It’s…trendy? It’s marketed towards women which automatically make it ripe for mockery. TRUTHFACTS! But the shitstorm of backlash…
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Good News 4/20 Edition
Eerrrrrrrffffffff you guys. This week has been realllllly rough, in such a vague way, I can’t even explain it! You know that I spent Sunday (and a bit of Monday) throwing up and not being able to eat anything and having a terrible headache. Tuesday I tried to re-dye my hair and failed! It just…
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Words and Phrases That Make Me Vomit In My Mouth
Why does everyone hate on “moist” so much? I have no problem with “moist” — the first image it drums up is the gleaming laminated cardboard of a Betty Crocker boxed cake mix, “Double Moist Funfetti Cake.” Mmm, moist. Sadly, I have sworn off the gluten because it makes me violently heave, much like…
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Hello, My Name Is Meghan, And I Have Eyelid Dandruff.
Did you even know that was A Thing? Neither did I. I didn’t choose the high maintenance life. The high maintencance life chose me. Maybe it’s because, once upon a time, I scoffed at a commercial for some obscure beauty treatment or product. Past Meghan: *Scoff!* “Who needs that?” Then the vindictive forces within The Universe carried a…
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Is It Spring? Yes, It’s Spring! A Poem.
If the trees are sprouting leaves And you’re wearing short sleeves And the wine in your glass is rosé If you’re delinquent on your taxes You don’t even need to aks us “Is it spring?” BECAUSE ITS SPRING HIP HIP HOORAY!!! ? ? ? If an asshole in a truck Asks you…