You’re Gonna Have A Bad Time

Raise your hand if you’re having a bad morning!

So a few weeks ago at the shop, I injured my thumb. Well, not *injured* per se, but I spent a day squeezing a bottle of mostly-hardened glue and at the end of it, my thumb on my right hand was tingly. Not numb. Not hurt. Just…tingly. I figured, I pinched a nerve. Ok. Whatever.


That was like, Wednesday. Cut to last night, erm, Saturday-into-Sunday. Technically, it was Sunday. I jolted awake at 3:00am on Sunday with my whole right arm tingling. Oh shit.


Yes, from just above the elbow to my hand, everything was tingling. At first, it felt like it was just asleep. Just above my elbow, I had those “sheet marks,” like I’d somehow wrapped my arm in a sheet or slept on it. I tried to get comfortable enough to fall asleep again? But no. I was too freaked out. I was certain that my tingly arm meant I was having a heart attack, or something. So I did the worst possible thing you can do at 3am when you’re scared:


I Googled my symptoms.


Ironically, the results were somewhat soothing: turns out, no heart attack. One website seems to think it could be carpal tunnel, which is scary but not the worst. Another site that my boyfriend really loves says it’s a pinched nerve, and recommended masturbating with it to see what will happen. THANKS, INTERNET! 


Well, I didn’t try my hand at “The Stranger,” but I did manage to fall asleep for another couple of hours until the sun woke me up. My arm isn’t as tingly anymore, but my thumb still is. I’m just stretching it and keeping my mind on it, and going to a doctor if it’s still numb on Tuesday.


Having health insurance is the greatest! As much as I hate the forms, and my insurance provider (I’m totally changing it next year tbh), I love knowing that if I’m sick, I can go to the doctor. Before health insurance, I didn’t even have the option of saying to myself “If I don’t feel better soon, I’ll go to the doctor.” I pretty much resigned myself to dying cluelessly every time I got a sore throat. It feels so adult to be able to say that you will go to a doctor. I go to the doctor when I’m sick! I go to doctors all the time! THANKS OBAMA!


And lastly I wanted to share an anecdote from college about not going to the doctor. So Health Services on campus was notorious for telling its female patients that they were pregnant. Y’know how WebMD always tells you that you have a brain tumor? Well, Health Services would tell you you’re pregnant. It got to be a running joke, like, walk in with a cough? You’re pregnant. Hit by a car? Pregnant. Dude with a hernia? Maaaaaybe you’re pregnant.


So here’s hoping that my tingly hands get better, that there’s no brain tumors or mystical pregnancies causing my pinched nerves. And I guess you’ll stay updated if I make any more trips to the doctor!

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