“Isn’t it weird how your period transforms you into Wonder Woman?” my friend texted as my uterine lining erupted out of me like hot magma out of Krakatoa. Wonder Woman? Is everyone else’s menses making them super-strong and giving them invisible jets? That’s right, I’m talking about my period again! I talk about my period…
Tag: lists
Wedding Presents for New York Couples
It’s wedding season! Which means not only are you going to have to figure out what to wear to an “elegant laid-back formal BBQ” reception, you’re also going to have to bring A GIFT. New York City couples are notoriously hard to shop for because they have everything they need already, and no room for…
Things Guys Do On The Subway That We HATE
Playing Shitty Music Out Loud — look at everybody else’s ears. What do you see? Those are called “headphones.” People wear them in public. If you’re wearing headphones and I can still hear your music, then you need to re-evaluate your life. Seriously. Spitting — yo are you brushing your teeth on the D train…
The Seven Worst Moments In The Life of a New Yorker
Category is: Law & Order intro realness. Yes, they’ve all happened: 1. The pounding bass line that’s keeping you from sleeping on a weeknight has gotten so irritating that you venture, bleary-eyed and pajama-clad, into the brightly lit hallway of your apartment building only to discover that the offending apartment, the Party Animals, the horrific…
10 Signs You Might Be a Confused Introvert
Are you an Extrovert? If so, LEAVE THIS PLACE. This is not for you. Great, now we got all the Introverts? Guys, woah, ease up! I’m not going to hurt you! I am one of you! Well, most of the time. See, I think I might be a “Confused” Introvert. And you might be one,…
What The Hell Are You Doing For Valentine’s Day?
Oh Shit, it’s not only SUNDAY, it’s also Valentine’s Day? There is no fucking way you’re going to get a table at Five Leaves*, dude, not even if you sit at the bar. Kiss your endive and salmon mousse-filled dreams goodbye (RIP endive salmon mousse, you were the stuff of my dreams). Okay so now…
Dear Santa…
Dear Santa: I don’t ask for much in the way of gifts and presents, because what I really want can’t sit under the tree with a shiny red bow on top. Santa, if you think (as I do) that I’ve been good this year, I will be even better next year if you bring me…
5 Best Holiday Gifts For The Man In Your Life
Sure, you could buy that special lad in your life a shiny expensive watch, but that’s so predictable. A good gift is one they’ll use every day, that will remind him of you, and how he should never cheat with any of the way hotter girls from the gym because you’re “difficult”. Your so-called “emotional…
OOPS! Accident Prone!
” A C C I D E N T P R O N E “ If four syllables describe me better, I’ve yet to find them. I’m the queen of accidental self-injury, breaking things, and ruining everything! I’m Lucille Ball re-incarnate, down to the mournful wail of defeat. Please refer to fig. A: A Brief…
The Twelve Freakouts of Christmas, pt. 2
For the 7th Christmas Freakout My True Love Gave to Me: The I Just Want to See the Rockefeller Tree Without Getting Trampled By Tourists Freakout “Is the entire population of New Jersey AND Connecticut here ALL at the SAME TIME? Who’s watching Long Island?!? Hold my damn purse, I’m going to crowd-surf to the…
5 Fandom Friday: Holiday Recommendations
I’m going to be completely honest with you (like uh, when am I ever not?) and say, I have no idea what this prompt means, taken as a whole. BUT, taken one piece at a time: “Holiday” and “Recommendations,” I gather it means “Tell People What To Do This Holiday.” I love telling people what…
5 Blogging Tips I Begrudgingly Like (Just Don’t Make A Big Thing Out Of It)
If you’re like me, you’re probably thinking “guh! Not another pedantic blog about blogging!” But come on, would I play you like that? That’s how I feel every time someone tells me to “advertise my posts on Twitter and Instagram!” like, I know I’m old but I do know what a Twitter is. Amidst the…