OOPS! Accident Prone!
” A C C I D E N T P R O N E “
If four syllables describe me better, I’ve yet to find them. I’m the queen of accidental self-injury, breaking things, and ruining everything! I’m Lucille Ball re-incarnate, down to the mournful wail of defeat. Please refer to fig. A:
A Brief History of Me Falling Down:
– on my fifth birthday, I broke my arm falling off the swing set.
– ~age 8, I sustained a permanent scar playing jump rope with a hose.
– ~age 10, I slide backwards down carpeted stars, ripping my shin open.
– age 12, middle school. I trip and hurl the pile of books and papers I had hugged to my chest all the way down the foreign language class hallway.
– age 17, acting class with the teacher I idolized. My attempt at to prat fall during a Commedia Della Arte monologue project resulted in a contused wrist and shameful bandage.
– last week, I stood up from the couch, and my foot got caught in my wide-leg pajama pants, sprawled across the floor and cut my hand.
You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve embraced my tempestuous relationship with gravity. I’ve learned that the best way to save face after a fall is to laugh it off – pretend to be the cute, klutzy heroine of your own Bridget Jones story! Wink and smile and don’t ever let them see you cry. Or bleed.
Clumsiness by itself wouldn’t be so bad, unfortunately, my accident-prone nature veers way past endearing trips and falls and careens into carelessness. On my 30th birthday up at a cabin in the Adirondacks, I thoughtlessly poured a very expensive bottle of 100 proof whiskey into a Sangria I was making (instead of the bourbon I’d intended on), producing a fruit compote so alcoholic it was basically undrinkable. OOPS!
Cooking-while-careless is disastrous, if not downright dangerous! Recently, while opening and draining cans of beans for chili, I mistakenly drained an entire can of vegetable broth right down the sink. It’s only broth, I know this, and nobody drowned in the lake after drinking my noxiously potent sangria. You say, “It’s okay, these things happen,” and I flinch before I see that look in your eyes that says, How could she be so careless? Oh how do I wish I knew the answer to that question.
But wait, there’s more: careless mistakes are laughable compared to the mysterious force
And yes, I would like to be less “accident prone” but how? How can you plan to avoid accidents if they are, by definition, accidental?
If that’s the solution, I’ll take my chances being accident prone! I’d rather look up – and risk falling down a manhole – accident prone and proud!
Does anyone have a Band-Aid?