Dear Santa…

Dear Santa:

I don’t ask for much in the way of gifts and presents, because what I really want can’t sit under the tree with a shiny red bow on top.  Santa, if you think (as I do) that I’ve been good this year, I will be even better next year if you bring me any (or all!) of the following things for Christmas:

1.  Olivia Newton-John’s singing voice

2.  A green thumb

3.  11K Bloglovin’ followers

4.  Porcelain clear skin

5.  Glamorous sweatpants that are ok to wear in public

6.  An accent

7.  Invitation to be a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race

8.  Bangs that don’t look greasy 3.5 hours after they’ve been shampooed

9.  Casual French speaking skills

10.  A Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion moment where everyone who was mean to me in my teenage years thinks I’m awesome and I get to dance with Alan Cumming

Santa, I’m not trying to stump you with a metaphysical list like this.  I’m thinking only of you!  Any of these would probably be easier to transport than boxes wrapped in paper, and less of a hassle to fit down the chimney than a stocking full of joy.  If anyone can pull it off, it’s you.  Your time-management skills and task-oriented determination are testament to your magic.  It’s Christmas Eve, Santa, and this is all I want.

Thank you in advance for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.

8 thoughts on “Dear Santa…

    1. Oh lord Alan Cumming is a TOTAL fox – I shamelessly follow him on Instagram. I MET HIM in a Target in my hometown in 2003, I thought I was going to pass out, he is so gorgeous in real life too. I have the eternal crush on him.

    1. I've been propagating succulents! It's slow going but I'm very excited about my "babies" also = "overshare" = one of my plants grows new talks from time to time (as in, once before) and when they come out of the bulb, they look like uncircumcised penises. I've been calling it "the Penis" (the new plant sprout that is) and saying things like "The penis is getting so big!" And "Should I water the penis?" all of which is to say, I should probably never be allowed to have children.

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