Dear Santa…

Dear Santa:

I don’t ask for much in the way of gifts and presents, because what I really want can’t sit under the tree with a shiny red bow on top.  Santa, if you think (as I do) that I’ve been good this year, I will be even better next year if you bring me any (or all!) of the following things for Christmas:

1.  Olivia Newton-John’s singing voice

2.  A green thumb

3.  11K Bloglovin’ followers

4.  Porcelain clear skin

5.  Glamorous sweatpants that are ok to wear in public

6.  An accent

7.  Invitation to be a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race

8.  Bangs that don’t look greasy 3.5 hours after they’ve been shampooed

9.  Casual French speaking skills

10.  A Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion moment where everyone who was mean to me in my teenage years thinks I’m awesome and I get to dance with Alan Cumming

Santa, I’m not trying to stump you with a metaphysical list like this.  I’m thinking only of you!  Any of these would probably be easier to transport than boxes wrapped in paper, and less of a hassle to fit down the chimney than a stocking full of joy.  If anyone can pull it off, it’s you.  Your time-management skills and task-oriented determination are testament to your magic.  It’s Christmas Eve, Santa, and this is all I want.

Thank you in advance for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.

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