I don’t ask for much in the way of gifts and presents, because what I really want can’t sit under the tree with a shiny red bow on top. Santa, if you think (as I do) that I’ve been good this year, I will be even better next year if you bring me any (or all!) of the following things for Christmas:
1. Olivia Newton-John’s singing voice
2. A green thumb
3. 11K Bloglovin’ followers
4. Porcelain clear skin
5. Glamorous sweatpants that are ok to wear in public
6. An accent
7. Invitation to be a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race
8. Bangs that don’t look greasy 3.5 hours after they’ve been shampooed
9. Casual French speaking skills
10. A Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion moment where everyone who was mean to me in my teenage years thinks I’m awesome and I get to dance with Alan Cumming
Santa, I’m not trying to stump you with a metaphysical list like this. I’m thinking only of you! Any of these would probably be easier to transport than boxes wrapped in paper, and less of a hassle to fit down the chimney than a stocking full of joy. If anyone can pull it off, it’s you. Your time-management skills and task-oriented determination are testament to your magic. It’s Christmas Eve, Santa, and this is all I want.
Thank you in advance for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.