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Seven Floral Duvets To Camoflage All Of Your Disgusting Stains
Honestly, darling, you’re disgusting. That filthy mess-hole you lay down in every night is a testament to your fine talent for ruining everything you touch. Yes, I’m talking about your bed! Instead of fighting your predilections for staining your sheets, lean in to them! These seven duvets and comforter sets will camouflage even the most nefarious stains:…
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Cleansing
Follow my blog with Bloglovin Maybe you noticed some changes around here? They say “a messy house is a sign of a life well-lived,” which is probably just a shade at neat freaks. Maybe the opposite is also true, “a clean house is a sign of a life in turmoil.” The only time my childhood…
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Five Albums: Tapestry
Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to make it home again. I didn’t know just what was wrong with me. Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore? Carole King’s Tapestry is a masterpiece of meandering insecurities and confident piano riffs. The album dives right in with “I Feel The Earth Move,” a jangly rock anthem…
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Face Value
Dermatological treatment may be slowly changing my face, but it’s rapidly changing the way I think about it. It’s been almost six months — wow, time flies! Six months since I brought my shameful face to the dermatologist. In the sixth months I’ve been using prescription topical treatments, my face has gone through SO MANY…
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8 Of Your Favorite Childhood Toys (And The Dark Stories Behind Them)
If the Toy Story franchise made you cry, I’m about to really make you weep — first, by reminding you of all the toys you begged your parents for, and then by ruining your fond memories of them with the tragic backstories you never knew. 1989 Polly Pocket In 1982, Chris Wiggs designed a tiny dollhouse…
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Menstrual Cycling
“Isn’t it weird how your period transforms you into Wonder Woman?” my friend texted as my uterine lining erupted out of me like hot magma out of Krakatoa. Wonder Woman? Is everyone else’s menses making them super-strong and giving them invisible jets? That’s right, I’m talking about my period again! I talk about my period…
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New York Holidays
Last Friday was National Donut Day. Aren’t there like, five of those every year? Nation, what the fuck are you doing? As a New Yorker, I feel less and less in touch with the rest of “the nation.” I mean, y’all made Trump a thing. Thanks, Nation! I think it’s time for New York to…
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5 Things You Need To Get Over Already
I get it, I get it, we like to yak. We like to gripe, we like to complain, and we LOVE to air our grievances. Sure, most of the time, there’s stuff to be pissed about: global warming, homophobes, dress codes, TRUMP. But henceforth, I declare an absolute kibosh on complaining about the following 5…
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Currently… in June 2016
FEELING: A bit lost, to be honest. My internship is over, and I’m back on the hunt for a new…purpose, really. I’m doing pretty well so far out of the gate, pitching and sending emails and applying to jobs, but I’m frustrated because I want something to happen RIGHT NOW! WATCHING: So much reality TV.…
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Wedding Presents for New York Couples
It’s wedding season! Which means not only are you going to have to figure out what to wear to an “elegant laid-back formal BBQ” reception, you’re also going to have to bring A GIFT. New York City couples are notoriously hard to shop for because they have everything they need already, and no room for…
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Five Albums: Pearl
One of the fondest and fuzziest memories of my young life was when my dad woke me up and took me down to the basement late at night. He sat me on the ping-pong table, put his Iron Butterfly record on the turntable he’d just hooked up, and flamboyantly gesticulated the importance of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” while…
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The Chicken, Or…?
Author’s note: this story came to me, in full, in a dream. I have no idea what it means, or if it means anything. I woke up remembering few details, but felt the punchline was worthy of being shared. The moral, I think, is that women cannot embrace a liberated attitude towards sex as long…
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5 Disney Movies That Ruined Your Chances Of Having A Healthy Love Life Forever
1. The Little Mermaid: Is there anything more tragic than first love? If you learned anything from The Little Mermaid, it’s that your first boyfriend is worth betraying your family, leaving your home, and selling your voice to an octopus lady for. Yep, that guy you think is so cute when you’re sixteen is definitely…
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BUSY BUSY BUSY
OH my gosh y’all I have been neglecting this blog. I think I’ve just been writing so damn much for everyone else (ha!) that I forgot to make space to write for myself. On that note, I’m particularly proud of a couple of my pieces, and I’d love to share them with you (also as…
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Carrie’s Side
Mom: “Hi Carrie, how was school today?” Carrie: “Fine. We drew pictures of our families…but I’m worried about my friend Cindy.” Mom: Oh? Why is that? Carrie: “Well, it was Tyler’s birthday today, so his dad brought in cupcakes, but Cindy couldn’t have any. She had to sit in the nurse’s office until after we…
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Brought To You By…
You guys, I miss blogs. Like, I really miss blogs. You know that awful Twitter chat question: “What made you start blogging teehee lol?” BLOGS. Blogs made me start blogging. Blogs opened my eyes to something human beyond myself, something real and sympathetic and extraordinary in the everyday banal realities of life. A voyeuristic window…
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Currently… in May 2016
FEELING: Exhausted! I’ve been looking forward to this post for a LONG time, because I feel like so much has changed and everything has gone by so fast! Like Holy Hell, we have a whole new room in our apartment! WATCHING: Sadly, I discovered a whole new season of Say Yes to the Dress I…
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Five Albums: Arrival
“See that girl, watch that scene/digging the Dancing Queen” I’m 12 years old and I’ve re-discovered ABBA. My parents laugh because they have video of toddler-me dancing to “Take A Chance On Me.” Oh, if there was YouTube in 1989! But when I rekindle my love of ABBA in 1997, I do my share…
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Things Guys Do On The Subway That We HATE
Playing Shitty Music Out Loud — look at everybody else’s ears. What do you see? Those are called “headphones.” People wear them in public. If you’re wearing headphones and I can still hear your music, then you need to re-evaluate your life. Seriously. Spitting — yo are you brushing your teeth on the D train…
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Dressing For The Weather: New York City Edition
Summer: “Which of my pretty pretty dresses should I wear today?” *five minutes later* “Ok, I’m ready!” Fall: “I can pull off this sundress! I’ll just put a sweater over it. And some jeans under it. And a down coat. I’m still tan from summer, so you can hardly tell that my extremities are turning…