FEELING: A bit lost, to be honest. My internship is over, and I’m back on the hunt for a new…purpose, really. I’m doing pretty well so far out of the gate, pitching and sending emails and applying to jobs, but I’m frustrated because I want something to happen RIGHT NOW!
WATCHING: So much reality TV. Look away, mom. JoJo is back as The Bachelorette! I’ve also gotten hooked on Family Therapy with Dr. Jenn, although waiting for Hulu to host current episodes is ….bleagh. Teen Mom 2 is still going strong, and I’ve just started watching My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. I think reality TV is what makes America great. Yep! I’m going there. Our curiosity about other people’s lives, our determination to make our lives the best they can be, our notion of romance, all played before the cameras. Most of the time, I think reality TV shows us striving to be the best versions of ourselves.
LISTENING TO: Not really listening to music much, as I’m not riding the subway every day anymore.
READING: Submission guidelines for everywhere. Yep. My life is boring AF.
WORKING ON: Applying and submitting everywhere. One thing that surprised me about my BUST internship was learning that I really love copyediting! I love writing for myself, of course, but I also got a rush of power from sticking my commas into other people’s sentences. WOOF! Proofreading has become one of my favorite activities, WHO KNEW.
THINKING ABOUT: I’m doing a lot of what I like to call “misery mining,” which is like, reflecting on the most horrible things in my life for story ideas. Why are all personal essays like, sob stories? Seems like if you want to be a writer, you have to walk through fire and then write a think piece about it.
EATING: Hold on to your chairs, because the other day, I COOKED DINNER. I’ve figured out a way not to ruin some foods, but tbh, I’m still basically living off of those Tasty Bite packet foods you heat up in boiling water. The most exciting thing to happen to me this weekend was when I discovered new flavors of those at my local grocery store. And then I bought 2 packets of Paneer Makhani.
LOOKING FORWARD TO: Tours! I had such a fun tour the other night. They loved it, they were so nice, they told me I was the best tour guide they’d ever had. The night was just perfect. It’s a ways away, but I’m already looking forward to going away for mine & my boyfriend’s birthdays (they’re July 31 & August 1). And BURNING MAN is so close now!
MAKING ME HAPPY: I’m living the dream, kind of? My internship was awesome and *personal growth* and shit, and now the real work begins. I’m sad that it’s over, but I’m happy for what I gained along the way. It’s really scary now, back in the land of uncertainty, but this is what I signed up for. It doesn’t get easier, it only gets harder, and being strong and motivated right now IS the success. Is that really making me happy? Time will tell.