You guys, I miss blogs.  Like, I really miss blogs.

You know that awful Twitter chat question: “What made you start blogging teehee lol?”  BLOGS.  Blogs made me start blogging.  Blogs opened my eyes to something human beyond myself, something real and sympathetic and extraordinary in the everyday banal realities of life.  A voyeuristic window into the lives of humble, ordinary, charming people.

So when I say I miss blogging, I mean I miss that.  I can’t remember the last time I read an actual blog.  Not one with a title like:

“15 Ways To Increase Followers With SEO”

or

“10 Self Care Tips (That Are Actually Common Sense Shit I Learned Watching Oprah & Listening To My GP)”

Y’all, y’all, calm down.  I’m not mad that you wanna tell me to “drink water!” like it’s the first time I ever as an adult human woman heard that drinking water was good for me.  And if you know what SEO is, I admire you.  That’s impressive.  It’s not really lifestyle blogging, though, is it?

I’m talking about the blogs I used to read with titles like “Life Update” and “Day Trip to the Canyon.”  Fuck the bullet points, fuck the grammar, fuck construction.  LET ME READ YOUR JOURNAL.  I don’t give two shits if you can’t spell.  I want to peek into your brain and see life through your eyes.  THAT’s talent.  THAT’s hard.

If you could peek into my brain and see through my eyes, do you know what you would see?

That the “Life Update” post was actually an elaborate sponsored content post for Head & Shoulders shampoo.  That that sweet “Day Trip to the Canyon” was sponsored by Brawny Paper Towels, consisted of four photos of the landscape, an outfit post where you stuck your fingers in your hair, and wrote 2 sentences about how you can’t live without Brawny paper towels! 


I mean, shit, I can say this because I have like zero followers.  Yeah, my numbers are so in the negatives, that like -0 people follow my blog.  That’s a goddamn irrational number.  That means it’s unreal.  Almost as unreal as how absorbent Brawny paper towels are!  




THERE!  THAT!  Do you feel cheated?  Were you expecting some actual human emotion, only to get tricked into yet another fucking commercial?!?  You mad?  

Don’t forget to include the photo with zero context!  It’s pretty!  Why does it matter that it has nothing to do with the piece?

Yeah.  Me too.