Brought To You By…

You guys, I miss blogs.  Like, I really miss blogs.

You know that awful Twitter chat question: “What made you start blogging teehee lol?”  BLOGS.  Blogs made me start blogging.  Blogs opened my eyes to something human beyond myself, something real and sympathetic and extraordinary in the everyday banal realities of life.  A voyeuristic window into the lives of humble, ordinary, charming people.

So when I say I miss blogging, I mean I miss that.  I can’t remember the last time I read an actual blog.  Not one with a title like:

“15 Ways To Increase Followers With SEO”


“10 Self Care Tips (That Are Actually Common Sense Shit I Learned Watching Oprah & Listening To My GP)”

Y’all, y’all, calm down.  I’m not mad that you wanna tell me to “drink water!” like it’s the first time I ever as an adult human woman heard that drinking water was good for me.  And if you know what SEO is, I admire you.  That’s impressive.  It’s not really lifestyle blogging, though, is it?

I’m talking about the blogs I used to read with titles like “Life Update” and “Day Trip to the Canyon.”  Fuck the bullet points, fuck the grammar, fuck construction.  LET ME READ YOUR JOURNAL.  I don’t give two shits if you can’t spell.  I want to peek into your brain and see life through your eyes.  THAT’s talent.  THAT’s hard.

If you could peek into my brain and see through my eyes, do you know what you would see?

That the “Life Update” post was actually an elaborate sponsored content post for Head & Shoulders shampoo.  That that sweet “Day Trip to the Canyon” was sponsored by Brawny Paper Towels, consisted of four photos of the landscape, an outfit post where you stuck your fingers in your hair, and wrote 2 sentences about how you can’t live without Brawny paper towels! 

I mean, shit, I can say this because I have like zero followers.  Yeah, my numbers are so in the negatives, that like -0 people follow my blog.  That’s a goddamn irrational number.  That means it’s unreal.  Almost as unreal as how absorbent Brawny paper towels are!  

THERE!  THAT!  Do you feel cheated?  Were you expecting some actual human emotion, only to get tricked into yet another fucking commercial?!?  You mad?  

Don’t forget to include the photo with zero context!  It’s pretty!  Why does it matter that it has nothing to do with the piece?

Yeah.  Me too.

2 responses to “Brought To You By…”

  1. okay first YASSSS EXACTLY ON POINT.

    But really, this shit drives me away from so many blogs.

    Y'ALL NEED TO TRY TO STOP MONETIZING YOUR BLOG. Stop trying to make monetization happen, Gretchen. It's not going to happen! And I don't think people do it because they're greedy, but because they feel like their blog is somehow lesser if they're not getting sponsored post or free shit to try and review or whatever. The blending between the personal and the commercial is really frightening — the whole idea of turning yourself into a *brand*, like something to consume? No. 🙁

    It's this "do what you love" ethos (which is problematic tbqh; it's okay to just have a mediocre job that you don't hate and that provides you all the material security you need, really! you're not missing out!!) taken to its most ridiculous extreme: you are *morally obligated* to make your favorite hobby your job, because your job = your identity = you. I'll keep adding commas to science articles and making jewelry/blogging/gaming/writing on the side, thanks.

    This comment ended up being all about me but I love this post and am buying you an Internet beer for it because yesssssss.

  2. It's like it used to be, do what you love because you love it. Now it's do what you love and money will follow.
    Except not money. Free samples of products you may or may not really give a crap about and 5️⃣K F O L L O W E R $ Le@Rn How‼️??
    I like reading diaries and music reviews and what people are really passionate about.

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