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7 Things That Made Me Happy To The Point Of Tears This Week
Wow, you guys, this week has been A DOOZY! DOOZY, I say! There’s been A LOT going on and the weekend is almost upon us! I have a tour in Lower Manhattan on Saturday, and it’s supposed to rain again but like, it rained on me last week! I got this. Anyhoozlebees, here’s the seven things…
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If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another
When I was 12, I remember seeing the old Saturday Night Live skits starring Gilda Radner, and laughing at Roseanne Roseannadanna. Goofy name! Fluffy hair! Funny faces! And the catchphrase: “Well, it just does to show, if it’s not one thing, it’s another.” I don’t know if there’s another quote that so perfectly encapsulates adulthood. Or, you…
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A Lot Of Bad Things Happen
From The Washington Post. Okay, we all know he doesn’t pay his taxes, he doesn’t think America is “great,” and now he admits he doesn’t have any faith in the democratic process. What the hell? So, why is it that you want to President, exactly, Donald? You don’t have any political experience, never expressed a…
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Currently… in October 2016
FEELING: Stressed. Stressed out about the job search, stressed out about money. Stressed about the election, watching everything in the world go wrong. It’s not a happy time, let’s be honest. WATCHING: I only just discovered Zoella, whose vlogs have been the white noise over which I’ve been doing job applications and writing assignments. After binge-watching the only…
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RIP Tim Burton, You Just Got Cancelled.
Okay, this will probably shock a lot of you: I’ve never cared for Tim Burton’s movies. I still haven’t actually seen The Nightmare Before Christmas. Shocked yet? While I enjoyed Edward Scissorhands at first pass when I saw it years ago, a recent rewatch left me feeling icky. That weird rapey scene with the neighbor lady? Shudder, no thanks.…
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Scary Cakes? GTFO.
Let’s be honest: Halloween is very much MY BRAND. I’ve been a professional ghost story teller for five years, JFC. Gore + makeup + candy = SOLD. But I can’t get behind this pun. I saw these “Scary Cakes” at the grocery store with my boyfriend over the weekend and I just have to say,…
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Always Bet On Red
It’s a PERIOD DRAMA! YAY! So I know some of you menstruaters* out there have SUPER REGULAR periods. By that we mean, like, predictable, timely, orderly and organized. I am not one of you. Surprise! My period has always been irregular AF. Sometimes it would come every other week, sometimes not for MONTHS. TRUE STORY:…
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Post-Debate Hangover
DID YOU WATCH THE DEBATE LAST NIGHT??? I am so glad that I did. I was planning to watch it even though I was afraid, like I used to be of Nip/Tuck. I knew I was going to be disgusted, but I couldn’t miss the surreal drama. Except this isn’t DRAMA, it’s like, America’s future?…
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10 Things That Helped Me Get Through The Worst Day Ever
Okay, so it wasn’t the WORST day ever. It only felt like it? We all have those places + people that bring us back to the “worst moments” in our lives, when time stood still and we floated above our bodies, ears ringing, able to have only one clear thought, “Is this really happening to…
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Walking With Giants
Hold onto your butts, cuz you’re about to lose your SHIT. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQpt9endktM] My favorite sick day activity has always been napping to The Food Network. Old reruns of Barefoot Contessa and Everyday Italian, with soft elevator music and pleasantly understated hosts, lull you into a gentle slumber faster than you can over-enunciate fettuccine. So you may or may…
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Workin’ the Poll
When I saw the subway ads that promised I could “Make a difference AND make money,” I decided I’d pretend I was doing it all for the “difference,” but let’s be honest, this chick needs some bread. And that’s how I wound up working the poll. For easy cash. Working the poll is a largely…
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RIP Hatchet Face
Obviously, I am a John Waters fan. Who didn’t love Hairspray? Serial Mom? And how can you not be obsessed with the larger-than-life character of Divine? But I think my favorite movie of all of them was Cry Baby. I want to say that I identified with Allison, the straight-A student who gets seduced by rock’n’roll and the…
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Picture This (A Burning Man Post + Feminist Rant)
Women are always criticized for this: taking photos when they should* be living in the moment. * “should” says who? but whatever. A man with a camera glued to his face the entire time is a photographer, an artist, and thanked for recording the event for posterity. A woman with a camera glued to her…
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“Home Is…” (A Burning Man Post)
I know you’re all waiting for me to say something about Burning Man. I’ve been back for a week! But here’s where I’m at: Coming into my second time, I was really nervous. I hadn’t been feeling well, and I had a nagging feeling of negativity following me around. Last year was really amazing, challenging,…
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But First, Reno
Oh, Reno. Every year, before Burning Man, there’s Reno. Don’t get me wrong, Reno, you’re great. I love your chain stores, neon lights, and omigosh your hills! I definitely don’t hate your happy hour drink specials, your gaudy over-the-top casinos, or your breathtaking sunsets. But Reno, you almost got the better of me this year.…
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Currently… in September 2016
FEELING: Confused! I just got back from Burning Man yesterday (YESTERDAY!) and after over two weeks of living entirely for Burning Man, I’m confused how to reintegrate to my life. My to-do list is miles long, and it’s a little daunting, but not nearly as intense as trying to take my incredible experience and figure…
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Greetings from Burning Man, Sort Of
Hello, Internet Friends! As you read this, I’m in Reno, Nevada, preparing for my second Burning Man! Now, I want to apologize for my blog. I recently moved from Blogger to WordPress and then all of a sudden, everything went kerflooey! I can’t upload images. So, rather than schedule a bunch of sub-standard posts…
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Pissing the Night Away
So. 32. “Getting old.” So far, I haven’t found any new wrinkles, and only ONE grey hair (in my eyebrow wtf?), but like they say, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Like my bladder, for instance. “Getting old” means getting up to pee all the time. It’s becoming disastrous. On my very 32nd birthday,…
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A List of the Shit that I’ve Put on my Face
To start, here’s something I haven’t put on my face for a long time: my own hands. I read long ago in a magazine that touching your face causes pimples, so I don’t touch my face unless I’m washing it or applying makeup. Sometimes I see people resting their face in their hands or covering their mouth in shock…
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The Remorseful Dog Models of Amazon
This is Chester’s face when the photographer suggests they can “slim him down in post.” Asshole. Snookums has done some rough shit to get her career off the ground. She can’t even look you in the eye. Baby’s momager told him they were going out for ice cream. No, it’s another damn photoshoot. Christ, mom.…