It’s Cadbury Mini Eggs Time!!!

  Open a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs right now. Put them under your nose. Smell them. Don’t they smell exactly like the powdered “hot cocoa” you used to make in the microwave as a kid???   Yes, I bought a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs just for myself. Showing remarkable and uncharacteristic restraint,[…]

New York Holidays

Last Friday was National Donut Day. Aren’t there like, five of those every year? Nation, what the fuck are you doing? As a New Yorker, I feel less and less in touch with the rest of “the nation.” I mean, y’all made Trump a thing. Thanks, Nation! I think it’s[…]

What The Hell Are You Doing For Valentine’s Day?

Oh Shit, it’s not only SUNDAY, it’s also Valentine’s Day?  There is no fucking way you’re going to get a table at Five Leaves*, dude, not even if you sit at the bar.  Kiss your endive and salmon mousse-filled dreams goodbye (RIP endive salmon mousse, you were the stuff of[…]

I’m Sick of Being Sick!

What did you get for Christmas?  I got the longest-lasting cold!!  I brought it back to New York City with me and maybe I didn’t treat it right: On the first day of sickness, I went to the hospital (for my dermatology appointment, more on that later!) and sat for[…]

Dear Santa…

Dear Santa: I don’t ask for much in the way of gifts and presents, because what I really want can’t sit under the tree with a shiny red bow on top.  Santa, if you think (as I do) that I’ve been good this year, I will be even better next[…]

Christmas Presents for Girls!

Whether they’re your platonic BFF, your friend with benefits, or your partner in life, you know someone who identifies as female.  You love her dearly, so this Christmas, give her the gift of comfort and joy with these gifts that will make her life safer and easier!! Nike Women’s Flex[…]

5 Christmas Traditions!

I’m sure all you people with nice, normal families have nice, normal Christmas traditions like “baking cookies” and “singing carols around the piano” but my family is neither nice, nor normal.  Our Christmas traditions make Clark Griswold want to hide in the attic and never come out.  But family is[…]

5 Best Holiday Gifts For The Man In Your Life

Sure, you could buy that special lad in your life a shiny expensive watch, but that’s so predictable.  A good gift is one they’ll use every day, that will remind him of you, and how he should never cheat with any of the way hotter girls from the gym because[…]

QUIZ! Which Christmas Song Are You?

1.  When do you put up Christmas decorations? A.  When I have the time and energy. B.  When my Tinder date is there to help.  It’s called “foreplay.” C.  The day after Thanksgiving!  It’s always THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING.  Earlier than that is TOO SOON, but if you don’t have[…]

5 Fandom Friday: Christmas Wishes

Okay so I already got ONE Christmas present this year from my mom: it’s a Soda Stream.  And I love it so much I couldn’t possibly want anything more!  Oh except maybe… 1.  My dad to sing carols off-key  He does this high-pitched, airy yodel?  Jury’s still out whether he’s[…]

The Twelve Freakouts of Christmas, pt. 2

For the 7th Christmas Freakout My True Love Gave to Me:  The I Just Want to See the Rockefeller Tree Without Getting Trampled By Tourists Freakout “Is the entire population of New Jersey AND Connecticut here ALL at the SAME TIME?  Who’s watching Long Island?!?  Hold my damn purse, I’m[…]

5 Fandom Friday: Holiday Recommendations

I’m going to be completely honest with you (like uh, when am I ever not?) and say, I have no idea what this prompt means, taken as a whole.  BUT, taken one piece at a time: “Holiday” and “Recommendations,” I gather it means “Tell People What To Do This Holiday.” […]

Currently… in December 2015

FEELING:  A little sad that open tour season is going to be over soon, and when it ends comes the beastly winter weather.  I love working the tours, I feel like I’m really good at it by now, it’s totally my jam, and taking a hiatus from that is so[…]

5 Fandom Friday: Black Friday NEEDS

Black Friday?  Bah Humbug!  I don’t believe in Black Friday.  “But Meghan!” you say, “What about Christmas shopping for friends and family?”  You know what?  This year, everybody’s getting a nice bottle of booze.  It’s what you want, need, and will use!  So there.  I’m not going shopping on Black[…]

This Thanksgiving, I am Thankful…

Last year, Thanksgiving, reflected in L’Escargot This Thanksgiving will be my second – SECOND! – with my boyfriend.  Since we are planning to visit his family, chances of him reading this are pretty small, which is good.  I’m not looking to get in any trouble, here.  I just want to[…]

QUIZ! Which Thanksgiving Food Are You?

1.  What do you wear to Thanksgiving Dinner? A.  Well, if I have time, I’m going to change out of this apron and into a nice outfit. B.  Call me when the food’s ready, I’m still wearing the pajamas I slept in. C.  Are jeans too casual?  I should wear[…]

The Twelve Freakouts of Christmas, pt. 1

For the First Christmas Freakout My True Love Gave to Me:  The Window Displays Freakout “I’m still hung over from Halloween!  I’m not ready to deal with this shit!  I don’t have plans for Thanksgiving yet, and I haven’t even accomplished one of my New Year’s Resolutions!  I rebuke thee,[…]