Real Housebound

  Aw, its evergreen, but I feel it on SUCH A DEEPER LEVEL.   We*re — what? — SIX weeks into quarantine? Or is it Social Distancing? Or Self Isolation? I dont know, I dont know the difference, and I dont actually CARE. The gist is, its been a fuckin LONG TIME since I left…

RHONY or GTFO

  The Real Housewives franchise. Truly, has there been any other that has spawned quite so many spin-offs? Indeed, the entire Bravo network might now be more realistically dubbed The Real Housewives Channel, as that’s their main bread and butter. In the beginning, the format did not appeal to me. I was young, naive, and prone to…

Run, Hannah, Run! Why Luke on #TheBachelorette Scares the Shit Out Of Me

  I’m constantly triggered watching The Bachelorette because Luke — the “Bad Boy” of the season — is not only constantly picking fights with other contestants, he’s behaving towards Hannah with classic traits of a stalker.   For one thing, I take you back to the Man Pageant episode at the very beginning of the season. Luke…

“Four Weddings” Is The Best Reality Show Because It Brings Out The Worst In Everyone

  In case you didn’t know, Four Weddings is on Hulu. Go, go, go!   There was a time in cable television when we went absolutely bonkers for wedding-related content, running the spectrum from the saccharine Say Yes to the Dress to the hate-watch Bridezillas. Does anyone remember Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? Because I DO. I lapped up every program that promised to deliver wedding-related…

Quite The SUR-prise

  Okay, the first time I heard about the reality show Vanderpump Rules, I thought it was a joke.   It’s a soap opera surrounding the bed-hopping staff of a restaurant owned by a Real Housewife.   I, a connoisSUR of reality TV of the lowest order, refused to lower myself to watch it.   So I’m halfway…

Reality Can Be Harsh

  As I sit here watching I Wanna Marry “Harry,” the FOX reality show where 12 American women vie for the heart of a man they’ve been led to believe is Prince Harry, it occurs to me how mean reality television used to be.   Nowadays, the biggest reality TV program is, without question, Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Or maybe…

People Who Have People Are The POOSHiest People

  It’s soooo easy to make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow and GOOP. Soo easy. TOO easy! It’s almost boring! Goop has been around since September 2008, and at this point, it’s almost impossible to poke fun at or parody the concept without instantly becoming a hackneyed, tired cliché.   Enter Kourtney Kardashian… and… POOSH.   As far as the…

Think I’m Going To Tear #TheBachelorette First Promo To Pieces? THINK AGAIN!!

  Ok, I have made it very clear that I have Strong Opinions™ about Hannah B. as the 15th Bachelorette. I’ll be perfectly honest: I haven’t liked Hannah (B) ever since she couldn’t come up with a toast. I thought maybe, maybe she was just flustered in the moment, but her After The Final Rose/Hannah’s First Rose Ceremony tongue-tied…

FUSHTRATED

  I loooove reality TV. Like, I’m PASSIONATE about it. I’ve watched COUNTLESS shows of ALL DIFFERENT kinds: Dating shows. Celebreality shows. Cooking competitions, dancing competitions, modeling competitions, wedding dress purchasing competitions …   Now usually, when you’re super passionate about something, NATURALLY, you might consider participating in it yourself! So sure. I’ve thought about…

Who’s “Ready” for The Bachelor??

  Bachelor spoilers ahead!   It happens every season: after a certain point, the “fun” contestants have all departed, yet we still keep watching for some reason cuz we wanna see which Lauren B the Bachelor will stand on a beach and bequeath the Neil Lane diamond to. And I’m pretty sure, folks, we’ve reached that point:…

Currently… in April 2018

  FEELING:  Deep in the throes of PMS + Mercury retrograde + depression, FUN. Fun fun fun. It’s really messed me up, and the endlessly cold and grey weather doesn’t help. I’m struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel or any hope that things will change as I feel like life keeps beating me…