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Real Housebound
Aw, its evergreen, but I feel it on SUCH A DEEPER LEVEL. We*re — what? — SIX weeks into quarantine? Or is it Social Distancing? Or Self Isolation? I dont know, I dont know the difference, and I dont actually CARE. The gist is, its been a fuckin LONG TIME since I left…
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RHONY or GTFO
The Real Housewives franchise. Truly, has there been any other that has spawned quite so many spin-offs? Indeed, the entire Bravo network might now be more realistically dubbed The Real Housewives Channel, as that’s their main bread and butter. In the beginning, the format did not appeal to me. I was young, naive, and prone to…
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Run, Hannah, Run! Why Luke on #TheBachelorette Scares the Shit Out Of Me
I’m constantly triggered watching The Bachelorette because Luke — the “Bad Boy” of the season — is not only constantly picking fights with other contestants, he’s behaving towards Hannah with classic traits of a stalker. For one thing, I take you back to the Man Pageant episode at the very beginning of the season. Luke…
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“Four Weddings” Is The Best Reality Show Because It Brings Out The Worst In Everyone
In case you didn’t know, Four Weddings is on Hulu. Go, go, go! There was a time in cable television when we went absolutely bonkers for wedding-related content, running the spectrum from the saccharine Say Yes to the Dress to the hate-watch Bridezillas. Does anyone remember Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? Because I DO. I lapped up every program that promised to deliver wedding-related…
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Quite The SUR-prise
Okay, the first time I heard about the reality show Vanderpump Rules, I thought it was a joke. It’s a soap opera surrounding the bed-hopping staff of a restaurant owned by a Real Housewife. I, a connoisSUR of reality TV of the lowest order, refused to lower myself to watch it. So I’m halfway…
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Reality Can Be Harsh
As I sit here watching I Wanna Marry “Harry,” the FOX reality show where 12 American women vie for the heart of a man they’ve been led to believe is Prince Harry, it occurs to me how mean reality television used to be. Nowadays, the biggest reality TV program is, without question, Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Or maybe…
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People Who Have People Are The POOSHiest People
It’s soooo easy to make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow and GOOP. Soo easy. TOO easy! It’s almost boring! Goop has been around since September 2008, and at this point, it’s almost impossible to poke fun at or parody the concept without instantly becoming a hackneyed, tired cliché. Enter Kourtney Kardashian… and… POOSH. As far as the…
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Think I’m Going To Tear #TheBachelorette First Promo To Pieces? THINK AGAIN!!
Ok, I have made it very clear that I have Strong Opinions™ about Hannah B. as the 15th Bachelorette. I’ll be perfectly honest: I haven’t liked Hannah (B) ever since she couldn’t come up with a toast. I thought maybe, maybe she was just flustered in the moment, but her After The Final Rose/Hannah’s First Rose Ceremony tongue-tied…
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FUSHTRATED
I loooove reality TV. Like, I’m PASSIONATE about it. I’ve watched COUNTLESS shows of ALL DIFFERENT kinds: Dating shows. Celebreality shows. Cooking competitions, dancing competitions, modeling competitions, wedding dress purchasing competitions … Now usually, when you’re super passionate about something, NATURALLY, you might consider participating in it yourself! So sure. I’ve thought about…
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Who’s “Ready” for The Bachelor??
Bachelor spoilers ahead! It happens every season: after a certain point, the “fun” contestants have all departed, yet we still keep watching for some reason cuz we wanna see which Lauren B the Bachelor will stand on a beach and bequeath the Neil Lane diamond to. And I’m pretty sure, folks, we’ve reached that point:…
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So Colton Underwood Is The New ‘Bachelor’… Does ABC Just NOT KNOW Any NON-TOXIC MEN?!?!?
LaDiEs, who’s lining up to be strung along by ^^^THIS HUNK^^^ only to be dumped after learning that his feelings for you were all FAKED because he’s afraid of REJECTING WOMEN!?!?! Aaaaaany takers? In a shocking announcement last week on GMA, it was announced that Colton Underwood will be 2019’s lucky Bachelor. Raising the obvious question: does the ABC…
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Currently… in April 2018
FEELING: Deep in the throes of PMS + Mercury retrograde + depression, FUN. Fun fun fun. It’s really messed me up, and the endlessly cold and grey weather doesn’t help. I’m struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel or any hope that things will change as I feel like life keeps beating me…
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A Pox On Arie
I’m still mad. Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no. ICYMI, apparently, Arie (aka “The Worst Bachelor In History”), proposed to Becca K in…
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GOOD NEWS! Congrats to the WINNER of ALL STARS 3!!!
Hello hello hello!!! I am *not* revealing (Ru-vealing?) any spoilers, I am just going to say that I was VERY PLEASED with the outcome of All Stars 3, even if I had to pause the episode four minutes and fourteen seconds before the end to take an Anxiety Shit before resuming the episode to watch…
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For Your Consideration: I Should Be The Bachelorette!
Attn: ABC, Bachelor Franchise, Chris Harrison, et al: You have a problem. Arie’s season debuted to record low ratings. People are turning away from the franchise in record numbers. You got your asses handed to you by Young Sheldon, for crying out loud! Let’s not even speak of the Bachelor in Paradise. Let’s NOT. Your show needs a new direction.…
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GOOD NEWS! Now Serving Three Looks In One, and SUNDAY BRUNCH!!!
This week was MADNESS for me over here! I worked a full day Saturday at the studio, then had rehearsal all day Sunday. Monday was a big day for running errands, then a late rehearsal. I “performed” my part of the show for the rest of the cast on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, I…
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LOST: my inspiration. FOUND: this stuff…
So I just told you in my boat post that I’ve been struggling with finding “inspiration.” That’s pretty harsh, but it’s true. I’ve been actively searching for, but (largely) failing to find, things that excite me. Apologies in advance for sounding like a total jerk, but I’ve been going through a big period of “blah.” I’m not, like,…
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And THAT’s Why I Have Trust Issues
Yeah, you could say I’m a little FRAGILE lately!!!! ICYMI, my life has been going through a lot of changes???? Okay, I’ll level with you: I HATE being out of the loop on important things. Things that matter to me. By people that matter to me. People I should be able to trust! And that’s why I’m feuding with…
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Forgive Me, My Faves Are Problematic
I, like many of you I’m sure, spend a lot of my free mind-wandering time wondering whether or not my faves are problematic. They are. Most of them are. Before I tweet about liking something, I’ll try to do a quick Google search to determine if they’re problematic or not. True Story: before posting…
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GOOD NEWS! I’m “So Emotional,” Baby!
‘Morning! Yer looking at the mysterious side-toe bruise that appeared last week and still hasn’t fully dissipated. I have no idea how to even GET a bruise in this spot. Please don’t tell me that side-toe-bruises are an ominous sign of like, a deadly disease or something. This week has been a blur…