People Who Have People Are The POOSHiest People

  It’s soooo easy to make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow and GOOP. Soo easy. TOO easy! It’s almost boring! Goop has been around since September 2008, and at this point, it’s almost impossible to poke fun at or parody the concept without instantly becoming a hackneyed, tired cliché.   Enter Kourtney Kardashian… and… POOSH.[…]

FUSHTRATED

  I loooove reality TV. Like, I’m PASSIONATE about it. I’ve watched COUNTLESS shows of ALL DIFFERENT kinds: Dating shows. Celebreality shows. Cooking competitions, dancing competitions, modeling competitions, wedding dress purchasing competitions …   Now usually, when you’re super passionate about something, NATURALLY, you might consider participating in it yourself![…]

Who’s “Ready” for The Bachelor??

  Bachelor spoilers ahead!   It happens every season: after a certain point, the “fun” contestants have all departed, yet we still keep watching for some reason cuz we wanna see which Lauren B the Bachelor will stand on a beach and bequeath the Neil Lane diamond to. And I’m pretty sure,[…]

Kitchen Nightmares, Sweet Dreams

  I’m a CHAMPION sleeper. I’m asleep by 9pm most nights, and wake up by 6am most morning for work. I sleep SOUNDLY, have graphic DREAMS (which I journal, obviously!) and — compared to so many of my peers who struggle with sleep — I consider myself lucky that I’m[…]

Hate-Watching “Snog, Marry, Avoid”

  Generally speaking, I’m not a huge fan of makeover shows anyway. in the Venn Diagram of “Things I Hate” and “Things I Watch Ironically,” “Makeover Shows” stay squarely in the former category. Maybe it’s the little girl inside me, who remembers being forced to wear way-too-uncomfortable tights with dresses,[…]

I Love Hate Clicks (And You Can’t Stop Me)

  Yes, I read the blog post. The one everyone was talking about: Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Who’ve Never Spoken To Anyone Outside Their Immediate Family, by The Brainwashed Wife. I kid, I kid! But you know the one. Look, far be it from me to criticize someone for blogging their unpopular[…]

Get Me Outta This Dystopia…Take Me Back To Jersey Shore

  If you ever wondered whether “my generation” would someday look back on the Jersey Shore days with fondness and nostalgia, then I can answer, YES.   Jersey Shore premiered on December 3rd, 2009. Like, feels like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it? That’s just the illusion caused by the nonstop onslaught of horrifying news that[…]

A Pox On Arie

  I’m still mad.   Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no.   ICYMI, apparently, Arie (aka “The Worst Bachelor In History”),[…]

GOOD NEWS! Congrats to the WINNER of ALL STARS 3!!!

  Hello hello hello!!!   I am *not* revealing (Ru-vealing?) any spoilers, I am just going to say that I was VERY PLEASED with the outcome of All Stars 3, even if I had to pause the episode four minutes and fourteen seconds before the end to take an Anxiety Shit before[…]

For Your Consideration: I Should Be The Bachelorette!

  Attn: ABC, Bachelor Franchise, Chris Harrison, et al:   You have a problem.   Arie’s season debuted to record low ratings. People are turning away from the franchise in record numbers. You got your asses handed to you by Young Sheldon, for crying out loud! Let’s not even speak of the Bachelor in Paradise. Let’s NOT. Your[…]

LOST: my inspiration. FOUND: this stuff…

  So I just told you in my boat post that I’ve been struggling with finding “inspiration.” That’s pretty harsh, but it’s true. I’ve been actively searching for, but (largely) failing to find, things that excite me. Apologies in advance for sounding like a total jerk, but I’ve been going through a big period[…]

And THAT’s Why I Have Trust Issues

  Yeah, you could say I’m a little FRAGILE lately!!!!   ICYMI, my life has been going through a lot of changes???? Okay, I’ll level with you: I HATE being out of the loop on important things. Things that matter to me. By people that matter to me. People I should be able to trust!   And[…]

Hugh Hefner is Dead, and I Feel Some Feelings About It

  So, the big deal is that Hugh Hefner has died at 91. I just want to have some feelings for a minute.   I was immediately attracted to the E! series The Girls Next Door as a teenager, much as I was drawn to everything lurid, subversive, shocking and classless. Even[…]

GOOD NEWS! I’m “So Emotional,” Baby!

  ‘Morning! Yer looking at the mysterious side-toe bruise that appeared last week and still hasn’t fully dissipated. I have no idea how to even GET a bruise in this spot. Please don’t tell me that side-toe-bruises are an ominous sign of like, a deadly disease or something.   This[…]

Paradise Lost

  You know I’m #TeamCorn. Corinne Olympios was the “villain” of Nick’s season of The Bachelor. Although, in my opinion, NICK was the villain of Nick’s season of The Bachelor, but, you know, bygones. Just had a near death experience in the paper goods isle at target. It was very dramatic — Corinne olympios[…]

Good News! We Are ALL All Stars

  Hey! How are you? Staying cool, I hope? This week has been brutal. And before we get to World News, here’s the News with me: This week started off really great. Last weekend – Saturday – I went thrifting with my boyfriend and found a couple great dresses and a HUUUUUGE[…]