Currently… in April 2018

 

FEELING:  Deep in the throes of PMS + Mercury retrograde + depression, FUN. Fun fun fun. It’s really messed me up, and the endlessly cold and grey weather doesn’t help. I’m struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel or any hope that things will change as I feel like life keeps beating me down harder and harder. So, that’s that.

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WATCHING: RuPaul’s Drag Race is back! I can’t pick a favorite queen, I’m in love with so many of them. I’ve also been watching a lot of Saturday Night Live from seasons past. AND! I’ve been googling documentaries on YouTube — mostly true crime & murder documentaries, natch. I have been toying with the idea of re-subscribing to Netflix, just for Santa Clarita Diet and to watch the new Queer Eye. 

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LISTENING TO:  I actually listened to every episode of Casefile: True Crime Podcast! It’s still my favorite, don’t worry, but I’ve also been delving into a new podcast about Hollywood called You Must Remember This.

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READING:  I am not reading any books. I am terrible.

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WORKING ON:  Not too terribly much, I’m afraid. The show is over, tour season is off to a slow start, and regular work stuff is slow. I wish I had more motivation, but DAMN, it’s really hard when you feel like everything is hopeless and pointless and nothing’s ever going to change, huh?

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THINKING ABOUT:  Lol just spiraling mostly lol.

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EATING:  I’m trying to eat like an adult. Thank god for those microwave omelettes! I’ve been making a Huevos Rancheros recipe that maybe I should share here? And it’s been like, saving my life. It’s super cheap, easy as hell, and feels like actual COOKING even though it really takes like two minutes to make. I’ve also been making cheap salads with spinach, feta, and olives, and once or twice I’ve had the patience and endurance to boil actual pasta. OMG. I know.

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LOOKING FORWARD TO:  I mean… nothing?   

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MAKING ME HAPPY:  Sigh. I don’t know. Sometimes I work, and that makes me feel like I have purpose. Sometimes I put on clothes and makeup and leave the house (see photo above) and on those occasions, I feel like a human being. But mostly, I have nothing to do, nothing to look forward to, no reason to get dressed or get out of bed. I look forward to the thrill of a full laundry bag, because at least then I have something to do, but then I run out of steam before I finish folding my clean clothes, and they live on the foot of my bed. It’s extraordinarily difficult to function as a normal person.

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