-
BACK OFF: An Unpleasant Trader Joe’s Story
“Personal Space” is a funny concept in New York City. In a municipality where we think nothing of entwining our legs with a stranger’s on the subway to keep our balance on that crowded L train, there are still clearly situations where there is an accepted distance that one keeps from other people. On…
-
GOOD NEWS! SNL is Funny Again!
Hey, Super Troopers! What a week it’s been! ( <– I am starting this post on Monday, as usual ) We gotta start off with THIS: John Mulaney hosted SNL this past weekend and it was INCREDIBLE. You really should watch the whole thing (especially his monologue, which I never wanted to end)…
-
Texting + Stairs = DANGER!
As the famous nursery rhyme “Ring Around the Rosie” posits, “We all fall down.” Some of us more spectacularly than others. Picture this: Monday night, around 8pm. I’ve just left work and I’m heading home while texting my boss about the progress we’re making. I do this all the time! I pride myself on being…
-
On Top Of Things
I had the Perfect Day™ the other day. Not in that it was particularly good, more in the way that I felt EXTREMELY GOOD ABOUT IT. It was one of those days when I was SO on top of things — now, I’m not scatter-brained by any means, but on this day, there were a lot…
-
GOOD NEWS! I’m Busy As Hell, Which Is A Good Thing!
Oof my gawd, this week is busy but amazing! It started on Saturday, when I finally made it out to the Guggenheim to see Dahn Vo’s exhibit “Take My Breath Away,” and looking back, it definitely did! It was also my first time at the ‘heim, or the Guug, and I have two affectionate…
-
Take My Breath Away, Dahn Vo! at The Guggenheim
COOL STORY BRO: Four years ago, during my second season giving ghost tours in Lower Manhattan, City Hall Park was overtaken by an installation by Dahn (pronounced “Yon,” I googled it) Vo, called “We The People.” Click the link! Did you click it? So basically, it was life-sized CHUNKS of the Statue of Liberty,…
-
This Fast And Easy Huevos Rancheros Recipe Is Ideal For When You Are Too Depressed To Cook Actual Food
I am obsessed with A Cup of Jo’s consistently tantalizing Trader Joe’s-based content. I mean, I’ve adored Jo’s aesthetic for years (millennial pink mmmmkay), and the fact that her team of writers seem as addicted to the consistently low prices and great value of Joe’s grocery store as I am seems to validate my obsession. You know…
-
GOOD NEWS! I’m Busy Work-work-work-work-work-workin’!
Wondering why it’s so quiet around here? No, it’s not because I’m so depressed that I can’t get it together to actually form a sentence — that was last week. This week I’m doing a lot better, because I’m at work! Yes, thank GAWD, I have something to take my mind off the crushing hopelessness during the daytime…
-
Currently… in April 2018
FEELING: Deep in the throes of PMS + Mercury retrograde + depression, FUN. Fun fun fun. It’s really messed me up, and the endlessly cold and grey weather doesn’t help. I’m struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel or any hope that things will change as I feel like life keeps beating me…
-
GOOD NEWS! A Day Late, And Hastily Thrown Together TBH
Well, what can I say? It’s a combination of PMS, Mercury Retrograde, generally overcast weather, and terrible depression! I haven’t been sleeping well, and when I am, my dreams are really shitty: like, I had a dream that RuPaul invited me to camp with him at Burning Man, and I turned his offer down? WHAT?…
-
Comfortably Mum, ~or~ The Creepiest Part of The Met That You Probably Never Noticed
Everyone knows The Met. Right? The Metropolitan Museum of Art is like, REQUIRED VIEWING for anyone even fleetingly passing through New York City. And if you live here, and don’t go at least once a year, they take away your NYC status. Ever wonder if the turnstiles are smacking you in the crotch and making…
-
GOOD NEWS! I *FINALLY* Touched Up My Roots!!!
So this week was a week off from the studio, and I made myself to-do lists EVERY DAY. At the top of the list was TOUCH UP MY ROOTS. They were getting to be like 2.5 inches long, and it wasn’t the BEST touch-up job (can we say, “polka dots”?), but it’s a little…
-
Missed Connection (???)
Have you ever posted a “missed connection”? Have you ever read the “missed connections”? Have you ever missed a connection? I confess to you, I may have fucked up and missed one, myself. It was A LONG time ago. Like, the last week of February. It was that one freakish week that it was…
-
A Pox On Arie
I’m still mad. Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no. ICYMI, apparently, Arie (aka “The Worst Bachelor In History”), proposed to Becca K in…
-
I Wanna Talk About Bras For A Minute
I think that the worst way to gaslight someone would be to steal all their bras and reverse the adjustment of the straps so you make them think that their big titty got bigger and their small titty got smaller and they stand in front of the mirror lookin at the titties like wtf —…
-
GOOD NEWS! Congrats to the WINNER of ALL STARS 3!!!
Hello hello hello!!! I am *not* revealing (Ru-vealing?) any spoilers, I am just going to say that I was VERY PLEASED with the outcome of All Stars 3, even if I had to pause the episode four minutes and fourteen seconds before the end to take an Anxiety Shit before resuming the episode to watch…
-
So Long, Claire’s Accessories
Such childhood, very nostalgia. Sad news, my friends: Claire’s Accessories is said to be going bankrupt. Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone? Claire’s resides in a very special place of my heart, because I’ve never grown out of my Claire’s phase. If I’m…
-
So You Think You Can Bangs
SO YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT CUTTING SOME BANGS INTO YOUR HAIR??? YOU MIGHT THINK TWICE IF YOU KNEW WHAT BANGS ARE REALLY LIKE… You Will Never Wear Hats! The hat band will press your bangs down, and suddenly, they will be in your eyes, down to your nose, creeping into your mouth… no matter HOW short…
-
GOOD NEWS! Have Your Pussy and Eat Cake Too
Ummm, I started this draft when I was on my period and craving cake, and I saw these vulva cupcakes and WOAH. Yes. Yum. Please (via MetroUK). This week (yesterday!) was International Women’s Day, which I have complicated feelings about now? https://twitter.com/void_daddy_/status/971845844289904645 Because I feel like it’s largely co-opted by able-bodied cis white…
-
If I Only Had 48 Hours To Live
Yep, I’m a morbid goth kid 4 life. But I think about this a lot: how I want to spend the end of my life. Frankly, it’s a lot easier (for me) to idealize the end of my life, than to imagine or plan for the next five years, fifteen years, FIFTY years. No, I have this morbid…