This Fast And Easy Huevos Rancheros Recipe Is Ideal For When You Are Too Depressed To Cook Actual Food


I am obsessed with A Cup of Jo’s consistently tantalizing Trader Joe’s-based content. I mean, I’ve adored Jo’s aesthetic for years (millennial pink mmmmkay), and the fact that her team of writers seem as addicted to the consistently low prices and great value of Joe’s grocery store as I am seems to validate my obsession.


You know what isn’t breezy, fun, and a cool aesthetic? Cooking for yourself when you’re depressed as fuck. Summoning up the gumption to cook a Healthy Meal For One™ when you’re isolated, lonely, and convinced that nobody will ever understand you enough to love you, at least not in the way that you feel like you always needed and wanted but never really got… it takes up all your time and energy when you’re spiraling!


Fortunately, I’ve devised this cheap, filling, and easy recipe which has figuratively and literally been keeping me alive these days! It’s as packed full of flavor as my life is devoid of joy and happiness! Essential to this recipe is that you find a wide, shallow bowl. As wide and shallow as the years that yawn ahead of you with no hope of your situation ever improving. And a microwave, the appliance of lazy people who can’t be bothered to actually cook for themselves, thus fulfilling one of the most basic tenets of self-care!


As far as ingredients, you will need:

  • Trader Joe’s eggs
  • Trader Joe’s Soy Chorizo
  • Trader Joe’s Fancy Mexican-Style Shredded Cheese
  • Trader Joe’s Salsa Verde OR Trader Joe’s Salsa Authentica, either way, as if it matters, what, does anyone care about your salsa preferences? Is anyone going to ask you which one you prefer, your thoughts on salsa compatibility, how your day was, your hopes and dreams? FUCK NO! We are all born alone, and we all die alone, and our search for meaningful connection in between is fruitless and doomed!
  • Trader Joe’s Sour Cream
  • Trader Joe’s Rainbow Peppercorns (optional)


Take out your wide, shallow bowl and contemplate its vastness, its emptiness. Sigh heavily.

Crack two eggs into the bowl, and add 1 Tbsp of the Soy Chorizo. Beat vigorously until the eggs are thoroughly scrambled and the Soy Chorizo is evenly distributed throughout.

Microwave on the highest setting your device is capable of for 1:35. That’s my sweet spot.

While it’s still hot, sprinkle with 1 Tbsp of Shredded Cheese. After the cheese has melted, slather 1 Tbsp Salsa Verde over the top, and scoop 1-2 Tbsps of Sour Cream over the top. Crank out a little ground Rainbow Peppercorns, and it looks fancy as fuck.


Now crawl back into bed, which is where I spend all you probably spend all of your time these days anyway, and savor it, but word to the wise! You’ll wanna wash this dish ASAP, because eggs are hard as hell to scrub off of cookery. Of course, that won’t happen, because you’re going to get sucked into a hole of YouTube videos and Twitter to block out your misery, as the eggs crust themselves onto the bowl. Great. GOOD JOB, loser. Now you’re going to spend longer scrubbing the cooked eggs off the bowl than you did both cooking AND eating them. God DAMN.






Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.