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For Your Consideration: I Should Be The Bachelorette!
Attn: ABC, Bachelor Franchise, Chris Harrison, et al: You have a problem. Arie’s season debuted to record low ratings. People are turning away from the franchise in record numbers. You got your asses handed to you by Young Sheldon, for crying out loud! Let’s not even speak of the Bachelor in Paradise. Let’s NOT. Your show needs a new direction.…
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Omelettes – In The Microwave!!!
Backstory: I joined a Facebook community about Depression Meals. What’s a “depression meal,” you ask? Well, according to the group, basically anything that you eat while depressed? There’s a good variety between like really tragic and lazy meals (leftover white rice with ketchup?), decadent “treat yo’self” meals (cakes and sushi!) and very often, baked…
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GOOD NEWS! It’s SHOWTIME!!!
Oh, hello, there! Tonight is OPENING NIGHT for The Bloody Deed of 1857! I am all kinds of nervous, and I’ve been buzzing about all week long. Which mostly means hanging around on street corners in the East Village, talking aloud to myself about murders that took place in the nineteenth century. PERFECTLY EXPLAINABLE BEHAVIORS OBVIOUSLY.…
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Currently… in March 2018
FEELING: I’d like to refer you to my previous post for a longer life update! At this moment, beginning of March, I’m in PANIC MODE! The big story THIS WEEK is, I’m in a play this weekend! The Bloody Deed of 1857, brought to you by the same company that puts on my ghost…
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February Kicked My Ass
February is just a joke anyway, isn’t it? I mean, you’re in this shitty January doldrums and then Valentine’s Day pounces on you out of nowhere! Next thing you know, it’s like “Wow, can you believe it’s MARCH NEXT WEEK???” No, I can’t. And not just because I’ve been in a fever-induced haze for…
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? Hail, Satan? ?
Last Monday, I was in Times Square… THREE TIMES IN ONE DAY. Just so you get the FULL HORROR of this, I rode from: Bushwick –> Times Square Times Square –> Ridgewood Ridgewood –> Times Square Times Square –> Ridgewood (Ridgewood –> Bushwick) Bushwick –> Times Square Times Square –> home …
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GOOD NEWS! Now Serving Three Looks In One, and SUNDAY BRUNCH!!!
This week was MADNESS for me over here! I worked a full day Saturday at the studio, then had rehearsal all day Sunday. Monday was a big day for running errands, then a late rehearsal. I “performed” my part of the show for the rest of the cast on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, I…
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And Not A Zero Fuck Was Given That Day
I had an EXHAUSTING day on Friday. I just wanted to share this with you because it was one of those days that I live for, the days where you work yourself past the point of exhaustion to a state of accomplished *bliss* and everything else melts away. I don’t talk about my job…
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GOOD NEWS! Put The Bass In Your Walk
This week, a judge awarded over $6M in damages to the artists of 5 Pointz, whose work was painted over by the developers of the high-rise buildings that were being built on the spot where the famed open-air street art collection once stood. YEAAAAAHHHHHH striking one against THE MAN! I was so fortunate to visit 5…
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Wanted: Instagram Bae
Many, many months ago, my former therapist asked me to make a list of qualities that I want in a hypothetical future partner. Many, many months ago, the list looked a lot like this: “1. some ? one ? who ? won’t ? hurt ? me ???…” But it’s been many, many months since then, and I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve decided that…
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The Walls Have Ears
I didn’t realize how LOUD I AM until I moved in with roommates. My roommates are AWESOME. They’re very cool. And chill. And quiet. SO QUIET! I never EVER hear ANYTHING at ANY time of the day. They’re great! They’re WONDERFUL! No, the problem is me. I’m afraid that I’m very loud. …
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Venting About MetroCard Vending
So, over the weekend, MetroCard machines all across the city are getting a software upgrade. For six hours, in the middle of the night, you won’t be able to use a credit or debit card to buy or refill your MetroCard! EEEK! Yeah, you’re probably like, “Who cares?” but that’s only because you’re New…
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GOOD NEWS! Showgirls Come In Threes
HEY EVERYBODY. I have been curating this stuff since Saturday for ya. SATURDAY! And I’m not really sticking to the “Good News” motto of this piece. More like… “Here are things I found on the internet that I want to bookmark and/or make YOU aware of.” Which is like… I mean, YOU have the…
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? Don’t Be Alarmed… ?
It is a scientific FACT (probably) — that at any given hour of any given day, in any given neighborhood of New York City, there will be an alarm going off. And any given New Yorker will promptly respond to any given alarm with… annoyance. NOT “alarm.” Sirens, car alarms, smoke detectors? I…
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Hilarious
The word I use most often to describe things: HILARIOUS. And to make things worse, I’ve picked up the habit of extending the word with a big, warm, open “A” in the middle: That thing that happened at work was hilAAAAAArious. The new exhibit you have to see at the MoMA is hilAAAAAAArious. You…
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GOOD NEWS! It’s Ordinary Time
I’m so happy that I’m doing this again! This guitar pick is a story.I was back at Trader Joe’s, the same place where I was gifted delicious cookies! It’s also where I shop for groceries every week, so, don’t act too surprised that I was there. I was in line down the toiletries/trail mix aisle, and…
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Currently… in February 2018
FEELING: Well. Today — February 1st — I had a MASSIVE therapy session where I got a lot of HUGE things off my chest, and I feel, like, relieved. January was a huge roller coaster, and I was mostly going it completely alone. I feel like I’ve finally accepted that 1) I am not perfect, and…
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Tell Me Something Good
Ugh, Mercury Retrograde, AMIRITE??? I started going all New-Agey on you a couple of months ago, but to be honest, I’ve alllllways had a soft spot for horoscopes. Even fortune cookies. Oh, god, my mom is nodding her head reading this! I saved SO MANY cookie fortunes over the years! But only the ones…
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GOOD NEWS! Good News is BACK!
Last week, I rounded up (proper past-tense?) a buncha stuff that was inspiring to me, getting me through the loneliness and the winter doldrums. And then I was like, “Why not continue to do that?” You know, I was doing that every Friday since 2016, right? Too lazy to research my archives. So I’m throwing…
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The Safety Blanket
Did you have a “safety blanket” when you were a kid? How about now? I have a theory about those little things we always return to when things get tough. The favorite book we’ve read over and over, even when our TBR pile is towering. The movie we always watch again and again,…