Wondering why it’s so quiet around here? No, it’s not because I’m so depressed that I can’t get it together to actually form a sentence — that was last week. This week I’m doing a lot better, because I’m at work! Yes, thank GAWD, I have something to take my mind off the crushing hopelessness during the daytime hours. And then I sleep! And tbh, I’ve been having some VIVID dreams lately. Like, some WEIRD stuff. I dreamt that I gave SNL cast member Pete Davidson a sensual foot massage in a sushi bar. So I think the takeaway is that I need to spend less time watching SNL reruns and actually get laid. Haha, as if.
One fun thing that happened this week, as you can see from the picture above, is that I had to run a work errand to SoHo, and while doing so, I snapped a pic of the ceiling of the subway station from the escalator. Can you guess which one it is??….. Yes, that’s right! It’s the Broadway-Lafayette BDFM-6! I call it the “BDFM” because if you say it out loud it sounds like…. Yes, that’s right kids! Ask your mom or dad what that means.
So I’ve had little-to-no-time to find funny stuff on the Internet to share with you this week, sadly, so here’s what made me giggle. Hope ya like it.
The “Polishing foil balls” trend is something I can absolutely get on board with.
If you You will
don't love me never love me
now again pic.twitter.com/zFg8CpW6t2
— Todd in the Shadows (@ShadowTodd) April 5, 2018
— Alex Geoffroy (@EsPyramid) April 4, 2018
4yo holds toy phone up to her face, informs me she is taking a picture of me. “Say cheese!” she says, pressing a non-functional button. A look of confusion crossed her face. “Oh whoops I took a video.”
— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) April 4, 2018
always the last one to leave the party pic.twitter.com/60VR8oOrrX
— Michael James Schneider (@BLCKSMTHdesign) April 4, 2018
So sorry for being late I was making a series of risky lipstick decisions
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) April 4, 2018
If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called "monoscuits."
— ᴬ ᵀᶦᶰʸ ᴮᵉᵉᶠˢᵗᵉᵃᵏ (@TenderBeefsteak) April 3, 2018
me: and how typical of late capitalism, how prophetic of a looming technocracy that you and i "rate" each other, policing ourselves on behalf of an anti-worker, Silicon Valley megalith that hoards data on our whereabouts,
uber driver: can i give you the aux cable or something
— Kelly Weill (@KELLYWEILL) April 3, 2018
She might have been tall or very petite, but I honestly just remember large breasts on her dark chocolate, chocolatey-chocolate mousse brownie batter skin. Good lord she was brown. Did she speak? It doesn’t matter. https://t.co/yQ15ccdl6O
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) April 3, 2018
I love how this poll turned out, haha:
if you fucked your clone, would you top or bottom?
— lil bub (@femmewitch) April 3, 2018
What’s everyone planning for this weekend?!? I need to CLEAN MY ROOM. I’ve been eating rie cakes in bed and let’s just say… it’s not a good idea. On Saturday night, I hope to take myself to the Guggenheim museum on pay-what-you-want-night to see the Dahn Vo exhibit that I’m super hyped about! I’m also helping out at a fitting for work on Sunday, and I desperately need to get into Manhattan to pick up groceries and toiletries. Busy busy all the time!