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You’re Gonna Have A Bad Time
Raise your hand if you’re having a bad morning! So a few weeks ago at the shop, I injured my thumb. Well, not *injured* per se, but I spent a day squeezing a bottle of mostly-hardened glue and at the end of it, my thumb on my right hand was tingly. Not numb. Not hurt. Just…tingly. I…
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Good News: Some Things Shouldn’t Make Me Laugh (But They Do)
First of all, please go to this website and watch the video of the doggo who learned how to eat whipped cream straight from the canister. GO! And now for the obvious joke: “What breed of dog is this? Is she a “WHIP-IT?” Omg sometimes my brilliance hurts, it really hurts. You’re in for a…
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I Wasn’t “Counting On” Loving This Duggar Spinoff But, Well, Here We Are
Before you click through, rolling your eyes and scoffing Meghan, come on, what are you thinking?, you should hear me out on this one. And know, too, that I have always found 19 Kids and Counting extremely difficult to watch. The hallmarks of 19KaC didn’t make for very good entertainment, so I thought. Once the initial shock of such a…
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FASHION…. OF THE FUTURE!!!!
Grok these pants. Go ahead. Grok them fully. Like any child who grew up in the ’80s — that’ll be the nineteen-eighties, thankyouverymuch — we were taught through our movies, television, books, and music videos to expect certain things from our future: food in pill form: I was a picky eater as a kid,…
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Let The People Live
1 Day post-Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino — is the world really that much worse for having had the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino? Yep, this is a piece about the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino. Everybody’s been fuh-reeeeking out about it. It has sugar! It’s Insta-bait! It’s…trendy? It’s marketed towards women which automatically make it ripe for mockery. TRUTHFACTS! But the shitstorm of backlash…
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Good News 4/20 Edition
Eerrrrrrrffffffff you guys. This week has been realllllly rough, in such a vague way, I can’t even explain it! You know that I spent Sunday (and a bit of Monday) throwing up and not being able to eat anything and having a terrible headache. Tuesday I tried to re-dye my hair and failed! It just…
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Words and Phrases That Make Me Vomit In My Mouth
Why does everyone hate on “moist” so much? I have no problem with “moist” — the first image it drums up is the gleaming laminated cardboard of a Betty Crocker boxed cake mix, “Double Moist Funfetti Cake.” Mmm, moist. Sadly, I have sworn off the gluten because it makes me violently heave, much like…
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Hello, My Name Is Meghan, And I Have Eyelid Dandruff.
Did you even know that was A Thing? Neither did I. I didn’t choose the high maintenance life. The high maintencance life chose me. Maybe it’s because, once upon a time, I scoffed at a commercial for some obscure beauty treatment or product. Past Meghan: *Scoff!* “Who needs that?” Then the vindictive forces within The Universe carried a…
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Is It Spring? Yes, It’s Spring! A Poem.
If the trees are sprouting leaves And you’re wearing short sleeves And the wine in your glass is rosé If you’re delinquent on your taxes You don’t even need to aks us “Is it spring?” BECAUSE ITS SPRING HIP HIP HOORAY!!! ? ? ? If an asshole in a truck Asks you…
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God Is Punishing Me… With Puke
Let’s back this thing up. Over Christmas, you may recall, I found myself vomiting and suffering in the absolute extreme. I thought maybe it was a flu? Or a fluke. One of the two. It wasn’t the first time in my 32-year existence that I’ve been majorly ill on a major Christian holiday, but…
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Good News! I Finished My Round Of Antibiotics, Now I Can Drink Again!
Hello, I’m alive! (…-ish) So I finished my last dose of antibiotics last night! That’s a week of antibiotics! Phew! You may recall that last week (when this picture was taken) I was pretty much dying of bronchitis and sinusitis. Well, I can breathe now! I’m still having WILD fever dreams, but I’ve been too busy…
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Springtime in New York Is A Lie: Know Ye The Signs
There are some who will tell you that the weather in New York City is unpredictable. They are full of bullshit. It’s actually very easy to predict the change of seasons in New York City after you’ve experienced it a few times. For years, I promoted the idea that In New York, It Is Winter Until…
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What’s In My Bag???? and, related: Does Anyone Care???
Without a doubt, one of the top most overdone posts in the world of Blogging and Vlogging is the “What’s In My Bag?” post. Yep, I’m dissing the bag post. I’ve been trying to cut back on the haterade (can’t drink it now anyway, I’m on antibiotics), but I have to be honest with you:…
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It’s Porn, Bitches
UNTIL NOW, I’d never understood the desire to watch porn. Granted, my own experience with pornography in the traditional medium is very limited. Limited to side-plots on Law & Order: SVU and that one time in college after I’d just turned 18 (18!), when my friends and I attended an amateur drag show (drag show!) then piled…
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A “Trip” To The Doctor
I am a lightweight. I always have been, and it seems like I always will be. Chemicals just hit me harder than most people. I’ve always know this. Medicines knock me out. Alcohol, as anyone who’s had to wake “1 glass of red wine Meghan” to send her home after she’s fallen asleep in the middle of…
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I Have To Admit, It’s Getting Better…
… the spam comments I receive on this blog, that is. Some days, it feels like the only people who even bother reading this are my mother (hello, MOM) and the spam commenters who leave stuff on my blog like : and like : come to think about it,…
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Good News…Same As It Ever Was….
Ok. I’m freaking out. You’re freaking out. I just remembered what day it was and here I am, in front of all this uplifting *CoNtEnT* trying to justify it. I started doing this when I felt overwhelmed by the news. I guess keeping it up is most important when it’s hard. When you’re like,…
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How I Learned To Love The Beatles
I wish this story wasn’t about a boy. I sincerely do. But it’s at least a little bit about a boy. File it under doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. Sure, I’d always liked The Beatles, yeah, yeah, yeah. I’d played the records in my parents’ basement and danced wildly to “Oh! Darlin’” on…
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Do It Cuz It’s Good For You, Keep Doin’ It Cuz It Feels So Goooood
Cross yourself and pray that this isn’t fake news, because research is finally saying all the right things, you know? First, a study out of Kyorin University in Japan suggests that eating ice cream for breakfast can improve mental performance. Details here. Why ice cream? The reason still isn’t clear, but do you really care? The…
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Sensitivity, Sensitivity, I’m Just Loaded With THAT
A little over a year ago, I got the shock of my life when a dermatologist told me that I have “sensitive skin.” I’ve never been described as “sensitive,” like, ever. But when I think about it…yeah! I’m pretty much loaded with sensitivity. I’ve always had a sensitive stomach, that I know. I remember being a teenager and spending…