The L Train Is SAVED!! Maybe.

We’ve been dreading it. Planning around it. Making forced gallows-humor jokes about it. And now… Well, in a bizarrely unilateral move, Gov. (ptooey!) Cuomo announced that there would be no L train shutdown.  Couldn’t have said it any better myself, cryptically ominous subway tile graffiti. In a totally “everything means nothing” move, that bitter pill[…]

Top 5 NYC Neighborhoods I Have Lived In

  Ten years in New York! This photo was taken a little over a month after I moved here and thus, began the longest and most fulfilling relationship of my life —   HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!   But I haven’t exactly stayed put all this[…]

And Not A Zero Fuck Was Given That Day

  I had an EXHAUSTING day on Friday.   I just wanted to share this with you because it was one of those days that I live for, the days where you work yourself past the point of exhaustion to a state of accomplished *bliss* and everything else melts away.   I[…]

🔥 Don’t Be Alarmed… 🔥

  It is a scientific FACT (probably) — that at any given hour of any given day, in any given neighborhood of New York City, there will be an alarm going off. And any given New Yorker will promptly respond to any given alarm with… annoyance. NOT “alarm.”   Sirens,[…]

New York, I ❤️ You (And You ❤️ Me Back)

  Guys, let me tell you about the New Jersey Turnpike.   See, you never really know how much you love something until you lose it. This was how I realized I was stanning Sasha Velour in season 9: when it looked like she might be in danger of having[…]

Nice Landing

  After all the upheaval that was the past few months, I think you’ll be happy to hear that I’ve made a rather nice landing.     For example: my landings. Yes, on the landings in between floors of my building, people leave free stuff for everyone to sift through![…]

This Is Why It Takes Forever To Walk Anywhere In The City In The Rain

  UMBRELLAS. It’s because everyone is carrying umbrellas.   A normal sidewalk is like a stream, and its pedestrians like fish. Foot traffic hinges on the ability of walkers to blithely slither past each other, faster fish weaving and bobbing through schools of slower fish.   Umbrellas, though.   A[…]

Angry Birds

And at first it was cute, but now, I’m afraid in my own home.   So I might have mentioned on social media (Twitter, probably, appropriately enough) that a family of small birds has built a nest underneath my kitchen window. I was so excited to have “new neighbors” and[…]

New Neighbors

New York City is a diverse, fascinating place to live. You never know who you’re going to meet! And one’s own neighborhood can be a thrilling opportunity to get to know people from all sorts of exotic cultures. Why, take a look at my new neighbors! Just a few months ago,[…]

Springtime in New York Is A Lie: Know Ye The Signs

There are some who will tell you that the weather in New York City is unpredictable.  They are full of bullshit.   It’s actually very easy to predict the change of seasons in New York City after you’ve experienced it a few times. For years, I promoted the idea that In New[…]

Dear Woodhull Hospital: it’s NOT me…IT’S YOU

Picture it: Sicily, 1922! No, just kidding, more like Brooklyn, six months ago. I’d just had an appointment with my dermatologist and it was time to schedule a six-month follow up with reception and it went a little something like THIS: Receptionist: how about March 3rd at 9:00am? Me, to[…]

Good News! This Week Is Over!… Good News!

Can we somehow reach the Barenaked Ladies for comment on this past week? Because I would hope they’d say something along the lines of “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff to have happen in a week.” or something.   Hi! I’m back again with some good news, and let’s kick[…]

New York Holidays

Last Friday was National Donut Day. Aren’t there like, five of those every year? Nation, what the fuck are you doing? As a New Yorker, I feel less and less in touch with the rest of “the nation.” I mean, y’all made Trump a thing. Thanks, Nation! I think it’s[…]

Wedding Presents for New York Couples

It’s wedding season!  Which means not only are you going to have to figure out what to wear to an “elegant laid-back formal BBQ” reception, you’re also going to have to bring A GIFT.  New York City couples are notoriously hard to shop for because they have everything they need[…]

Dressing For The Weather: New York City Edition

Summer:  “Which of my pretty pretty dresses should I wear today?” *five minutes later*  “Ok, I’m ready!” Fall:  “I can pull off this sundress!  I’ll just put a sweater over it.  And some jeans under it.  And a down coat.  I’m still tan from summer, so you can hardly tell[…]

The Seven Worst Moments In The Life of a New Yorker

Category is: Law & Order intro realness. Yes, they’ve all happened: 1.  The pounding bass line that’s keeping you from sleeping on a weeknight has gotten so irritating that you venture, bleary-eyed and pajama-clad, into the brightly lit hallway of your apartment building only to discover that the offending apartment,[…]

I’m Sorry, But You’re Wrong

  So I was coming home from a long day at my internship wherein I got really caught up in A Thing and didn’t really eat lunch.  Well I did eat one of those KIND bars – the one I keep in my bag for an emergency – but that’s[…]

SNOW SNOW OMG SNOW IN BROOKLYN

New Yorkers are known for being three things: rich sexy cynical Okay, so two out of three ain’t bad (and FYI, I’m broke as hell).  So when this huuuuuuge snowstorm was predicted, I figured it was all hype.  I didn’t think it would really happen, and as such, I didn’t[…]

2015 Best Nine Instagrams

What the hell is this post, a shameless plug for my Instagram?  On the one hand, yes definitely.  On the other hand, I’ve felt an Instagram rant has been long overdue from me and I want to get my feelings out there and see what you think.  But first, the[…]