UMBRELLAS. It’s because everyone is carrying umbrellas. A normal sidewalk is like a stream, and its pedestrians like fish. Foot traffic hinges on the ability of walkers to blithely slither past each other, faster fish weaving and bobbing through schools of slower fish. Umbrellas, though. A cumbersome umbrella can double, even…
Tag: Brooklyn
Angry Birds
And at first it was cute, but now, I’m afraid in my own home. So I might have mentioned on social media (Twitter, probably, appropriately enough) that a family of small birds has built a nest underneath my kitchen window. I was so excited to have “new neighbors” and I love nature! Right? …
New Neighbors
New York City is a diverse, fascinating place to live. You never know who you’re going to meet! And one’s own neighborhood can be a thrilling opportunity to get to know people from all sorts of exotic cultures. Why, take a look at my new neighbors! Just a few months ago, some new neighbors moved in…
Springtime in New York Is A Lie: Know Ye The Signs
There are some who will tell you that the weather in New York City is unpredictable. They are full of bullshit. It’s actually very easy to predict the change of seasons in New York City after you’ve experienced it a few times. For years, I promoted the idea that In New York, It Is Winter Until…
Dear Woodhull Hospital: it’s NOT me…IT’S YOU
Picture it: Sicily, 1922! No, just kidding, more like Brooklyn, six months ago. I’d just had an appointment with my dermatologist and it was time to schedule a six-month follow up with reception and it went a little something like THIS: Receptionist: how about March 3rd at 9:00am? Me, to myself: that’s two days after…
Good News! This Week Is Over!… Good News!
Can we somehow reach the Barenaked Ladies for comment on this past week? Because I would hope they’d say something along the lines of “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff to have happen in a week.” or something. Hi! I’m back again with some good news, and let’s kick it off with writing stuff!…
New York Holidays
Last Friday was National Donut Day. Aren’t there like, five of those every year? Nation, what the fuck are you doing? As a New Yorker, I feel less and less in touch with the rest of “the nation.” I mean, y’all made Trump a thing. Thanks, Nation! I think it’s time for New York to…
Wedding Presents for New York Couples
It’s wedding season! Which means not only are you going to have to figure out what to wear to an “elegant laid-back formal BBQ” reception, you’re also going to have to bring A GIFT. New York City couples are notoriously hard to shop for because they have everything they need already, and no room for…
Dressing For The Weather: New York City Edition
Summer: “Which of my pretty pretty dresses should I wear today?” *five minutes later* “Ok, I’m ready!” Fall: “I can pull off this sundress! I’ll just put a sweater over it. And some jeans under it. And a down coat. I’m still tan from summer, so you can hardly tell that my extremities are turning…
The Seven Worst Moments In The Life of a New Yorker
Category is: Law & Order intro realness. Yes, they’ve all happened: 1. The pounding bass line that’s keeping you from sleeping on a weeknight has gotten so irritating that you venture, bleary-eyed and pajama-clad, into the brightly lit hallway of your apartment building only to discover that the offending apartment, the Party Animals, the horrific…
I’m Sorry, But You’re Wrong
So I was coming home from a long day at my internship wherein I got really caught up in A Thing and didn’t really eat lunch. Well I did eat one of those KIND bars – the one I keep in my bag for an emergency – but that’s an EMERGENCY TIDE-OVER BAR, not…
SNOW SNOW OMG SNOW IN BROOKLYN
New Yorkers are known for being three things: rich sexy cynical Okay, so two out of three ain’t bad (and FYI, I’m broke as hell). So when this huuuuuuge snowstorm was predicted, I figured it was all hype. I didn’t think it would really happen, and as such, I didn’t bother to prepare for it….