Currently… in February 2018

 

FEELING:  Well. Today — February 1st — I had a MASSIVE therapy session where I got a lot of HUGE things off my chest, and I feel, like, relieved. January was a huge roller coaster, and I was mostly going it completely alone. I feel like I’ve finally accepted that 1) I am not perfect, and 2) I can’t control feelings. My horoscope looks good for this month. I’m… yeah, relaxed and relieved. I’m kind of ready to just be, to just have “Ordinary Time.” Yeah. I’m okay with it.

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WATCHING: Saturday Night Live is still my go-to for cheering me up. I am obsessed with Dragula! I unfollowed a lot of YouTube channels that I no longer enjoyed watching. But mostly I’ve been too busy to watch TV?! 

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LISTENING TO:  I have been playing Fleetwood Mac on repeat like, nonstop, much to the (probably) chagrin of our studio neighbors who are (probably) sick of hearing me warble “TELL ME LIES, TELL ME SWEET LITTLE LIES!” over the sound of a belt sander. Ah well! Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right” also gets special mention this month, as I was enamored of this song for a few days in there. Then, I remembered how much I loved Grease 2, and I’ve been using my Spotify to play it over and over and over, specifically “Cool Rider,” which is officially on my karaoke wishlist.

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READING:  I ain’t reading NOTHIN’! I actually haven’t even been reading the book my therapist assigned AT ALL THIS MONTH because I’ve been so busy with work! Yeah, I know, I’m literally THE WORST. That book is making me angry, though, and I’ll tell you why when I actually finish it.

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WORKING ON:  Lots of work. Work work work work work work! I love being busy during the day. And I’m also working on an immersive theatre piece (should I tell you more about that?) which keeps me busy on the weekends. Yeah, I’m pretty busy. But damn, I’m so glad to be this busy. I’ve been finding it easier to write this month, too! Which I’m absolutely thrilled about! Now if only I have a moment to sit down and focus. I’m home and in bed by 9 most days! Work work work work work work!!

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THINKING ABOUT:  My taxes. Honestly, MONEY WORRIES have consumed me this month because I’m so scared about being an independent contractor under this new billionaire’s tax plan. I’m waiting on a couple more pieces of paperwork before I can start working on them, and for a couple of hours of uninterrupted time, but I’ve been drawing a lot of Five of Pentacles and it’s got me convinced I’m going to owe more taxes than I have in my savings, which I was hoping to rely on for slow months at the studio, and now I’m just so angry at the world that taxes exist and that we allow politicians to make arbitrary rules that rob the poor to pay the rich. TAXES!

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EATING:  Oh, lordt, this is the category that I really need to improve upon. I’ve been eating a packet of heat ‘n eat Indian food in the morning before work, a Larabar at the studio, and a frozen dinner at night. I am trying to incorporate vegetables! It doesn’t help that the grocery down the street from me just stopped selling their pre-made salads which admittedly were BAD for my budget, but at least I was eating something green every once in a while! So I’m hoping I’ll get a chance to start working on *shudder* MEAL PREP this month. It occurred to me recently that I used to live off of quesadillas, and now I can’t remember the last time I had a quesadilla? Don’t worry, I’m still getting my “Vitamin C” – CHEESE! I make it a point to treat myself to one nice cheese every week, which I eat slowly to savor it (and also because I’m too tired to eat most nights, wow, how sad is that?)

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LOOKING FORWARD TO:  My horoscope for the month coming to fruition, bringing me money and strong relationships. I actually don’t have anything I’m really looking forward to, actually. But I’m, like, looking forward to being surprised by what happens next. Letting go of control and accepting my mistakes is a huge part of this.  

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MAKING ME HAPPY:  I am working a lot, but I’m so happy to be busy. Happy to do something challenging and a little bit hard (even if the blisters are downright narsty!). I’m involved in a theatrical production, which is keeping me busy and means I get to ACT! I’m terrified of being an “actor” again, and memorizing SO! MANY! LINES! but I know I’m going to knock it out of the park! I’m also so grateful for nights like this, when I light my candles, turn on my salt lamp, smudge myself, lay out a three-card spread, and I’m awake long enough to appreciate the little pamper! AND FINALLY!!!! This is the FIFTH ANNIVERSARY of my monthly “Currently” posts! HOLY SHIT! Look where we started in February 2013… and now we here!

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