Who’s “Ready” for The Bachelor??

  Bachelor spoilers ahead!   It happens every season: after a certain point, the “fun” contestants have all departed, yet we still keep watching for some reason cuz we wanna see which Lauren B the Bachelor will stand on a beach and bequeath the Neil Lane diamond to. And I’m pretty sure,[…]

A Pox On Arie

  I’m still mad.   Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no.   ICYMI, apparently, Arie (aka “The Worst Bachelor In History”),[…]

For Your Consideration: I Should Be The Bachelorette!

  Attn: ABC, Bachelor Franchise, Chris Harrison, et al:   You have a problem.   Arie’s season debuted to record low ratings. People are turning away from the franchise in record numbers. You got your asses handed to you by Young Sheldon, for crying out loud! Let’s not even speak of the Bachelor in Paradise. Let’s NOT. Your[…]

Forgive Me, My Faves Are Problematic

  I, like many of you I’m sure, spend a lot of my free mind-wandering time wondering whether or not my faves are problematic. They are. Most of them are. Before I tweet about liking something, I’ll try to do a quick Google search to determine if they’re problematic or[…]

Paradise Lost

  You know I’m #TeamCorn. Corinne Olympios was the “villain” of Nick’s season of The Bachelor. Although, in my opinion, NICK was the villain of Nick’s season of The Bachelor, but, you know, bygones. Just had a near death experience in the paper goods isle at target. It was very dramatic — Corinne olympios[…]

Alternate Bachelor Realities

It’s like The Bachelor, but it takes place inside an IKEA. It’s like The Bachelor, but with even more than three token non-white minority contestants. It’s like The Bachelor, but it’s about picking the perfect houseplant. It’s like The Bachelor, but with fluid sexuality and gender identities. It’s like The[…]

Nobody’s Having Fun On The Bachelor 21.6 — Not Even In “Paradise.”

Theory: Nick doesn’t want LOVE. He wants MISERY. That’s the only thing that could possibly explain his actions in this episode. But it makes a lot of sense if you consider his actions on Bachelor in Paradise! There, after one date with Amanda, Nick decided that they belonged together. Which would’ve been awesome, had[…]

The Bachelor 21.4 aka “Corinntervention” aka WHAT IS ‘REAL’?!?

Why is this show so LONG and so BORING? I don’t remember Ben’s season being this boring. I don’t remember Jojo’s season being this boring. Maybe it’s just harder to care about The Bachelor when the whole world is literally on fire. Anyway. This was the drama-filled, having-it-out, ‘if-Corinne-gets-a-rose-I’m-leaving’ episode we were[…]

The Least Normal Dates I’ve Ever Had In My Life

So the other day I was watching The Bachelor (like you do) and after I recovered from Raven giggling about assaulting her ex-boyfriend (hold on, I promise I’m going somewhere with this, but OMG wtf that was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen on The Bachelor), Raven raved to the cameras about what a great date[…]

GOOD NEWS

Hello hello hello and welcome to the first (slightly belated) GOOD NEWS of 2017! We’re merrily dancing on the razor’s edge of mutually assured destruction –– but because the human brain can only handle so much fear before it implodes, I’m focusing on only the things that make me happy,[…]