When The Bachelor 21.5 Stops Being Escapist Fun And Starts Becoming A Metaphor For America’s Almost-Certain Doom

The Bachelor used to be my escapism. Used to be.

Maybe it’s just the greige-colored glasses I’ve been wearing since Jan. 20th, but this week’s episode just reminded me constantly that we — America — are totally, royally, hopelessly fucked.

Let’s look at this season of The Bachelor so far as a parable for America:


  1. America, like The Bachelor, is currently being carried by an inarticulate reality TV star whose fifteen minutes of fame should’ve ended long ago:


2. This unlikable man takes an already tense situation and deliberately makes it infinitely worse by playing into ridiculous superstitions:


3. The “drama” is a bipartisan conflict between Taylor:


Which is becoming so boring and annoying that you kind of just want to get rid of BOTH of them because NEITHER of them is getting ANYWHERE with their boring jabs and sniping at each other.


4. every episode ends with teasers promising more tears, drama, and turmoil ahead! Just like the news every day in America!


But maybe there’s hope for us yet? Because if you manage to suffer through the entire two hours of Taylor vs. Corinne and how did they pick this asshole Nick, you might just get treated to a little bit of ALEXIS during the end credits:


(I mean, as long as we’re voting unqualified reality stars into office)

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