Christmas was ruuuuuuuuuined. When I was very young, it was the tradition to go to Christmas Eve mass and pick up a sheet pizza from Nirchi’s on the way home. Then, one year, we got a deep fryer…and discovered the joy of tempura. It was decided that this year,[…]
Tag: metaphors
When The Bachelor 21.5 Stops Being Escapist Fun And Starts Becoming A Metaphor For America’s Almost-Certain Doom
The Bachelor used to be my escapism. Used to be. Maybe it’s just the greige-colored glasses I’ve been wearing since Jan. 20th, but this week’s episode just reminded me constantly that we — America — are totally, royally, hopelessly fucked. Let’s look at this season of The Bachelor so far as a parable for[…]
The Chicken, Or…?
Author’s note: this story came to me, in full, in a dream. I have no idea what it means, or if it means anything. I woke up remembering few details, but felt the punchline was worthy of being shared. The moral, I think, is that women cannot embrace a liberated[…]
Patience
Patience fuckin’ blows. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m a New Yorker. We’re not exactly known for being patient. Are you a New Yorker too? Just in case, I looked up the definition of “Patience” for you: If you click for “more” synonyms, you’ll also get “sucker”Sorry, sorry, NEW YORKER! If[…]
The Princess and the Stalker
As I shared last week on Femnasty, it’s my 2-year anniversary of taking my stalker to the cops and getting an Order Of Protection. I shared about the situation and what happened a year ago, but I’m not done. See, the problem is, stalking like what happened to me is[…]
Body Acceptance Road Trip
Let’s go on a journey! ROAD TRIP! We’re on our Body Acceptance journey, gurl – just you, and me, the Nagging Little Voice Inside Your Head! And you’re in the driver’s seat – not food, not thinking about food, not wondering how many rice cakes is an ounce. Ugh! Whose[…]
Book Challenge
On the road to being considered “banned,” a book must first be “challenged.” Fun fact! When a book is “challenged,” it is debated based on its merits and themes, to be certain that it meets the same moral standards as put forth in fine, upstanding pieces of popular literature, such[…]
Sunday Stealing + MY 1500th POST!!
HELLO, 1500th POST!Bonjour, Sunday Stealers! Welcome to my 1500th post! Why, just yesterday, I had hit my 936th post and now here we are! I’m just tickled pink and red and lacy and chocolatey that I’ve made it this far and still going strong!I can’t believe I’ve actually accomplished something[…]
Used
While doing unabashed snooping for Valentine’s Day gifts, I asked my boyfriend what kinds of things he likes. That’s a pretty general question, right? His reply: Things that become more of themselves the more that they are used. Huh? Here’s a good example of this: we were in Pottery Barn[…]
Baggage Claim
As I get older I talk less and less. ….about my baggage. There is some baggage that’s easy to claim. The nice stuff. The baggage where we triumph, the baggage where we learn to become the hero. That nice, rolling kind with the rotating 360 degree wheels. It’s easy for[…]
Love Is Like Bubble Gum
I. Love is Like Bubble Gum Love is like Bubble Gum. At first, it’s really hard. Then it’s SO SWEET. For like, a minute. And then it starts to break apart. But you keep chewing it because you don’t want to believe that it’s already over. And when you finally[…]
Don't Get Mad, Get A Cactus
So it would seem I have a type. This is George. George is an Oreocereus celsianus, or “old man” cactus. He’s a bit abrasive and he mostly ignores me but I absolutely dote on him. I can hold him and twist his hair in my fingers and breathe in[…]
Head-Space
I have a theory. On interior decorating. My theory is that you decorate your personal space the way the inside of your head looks. What? Ew. Not literally.Let’s take for example, my apartment. My flatmate is very organized and responsible. She is a self-described fan of modern, minimalist design. Nothing[…]
My Baby
So I have been working on this theory that tattoos are like babies. They’re both really delicate at first. And both usually warrant a lot of SPF this time of year. Well, see what I mean: Parents?Tattooed folk?Whaddaya think???
Do You Believe in Ghosts?
Hey, remember that time I did ghost tours? I do ghost tours! AS A JOB! It’s basically super awesome. And we talk about a lot of cool things on my tours. But I like to ask my tour people if they believe in ghosts. Sometimes I get really cool stories[…]
Requiem Maria
One of my favourite things to do on my long walks up Broadway is to spy on people eating in restaurants. I adore Broadway from 72nd to 116th Streets, it’s like a whole world unto itself, and the variety of eateries therein is vast and fascinating. There are solemn, polite[…]
Letting Go
Letting go is terrifying in trapeze and in life. I like to plan, obsess, mull, and muse. I keep my “Rolodex of Shame” well stocked and handy at all times. I need to know what I’m doing. I plan what salad dressing I’ll use for dinner before I leave work! […]
The Five Scariest Moments in Trapeze
The scaffolding on top of the building? That’s the trapeze school! 1. Climbing the 20 foot tall ladder to get to the platform – exacerbated by the fact that the trapeze structure sits on the roof of a building, making you three stories and 20 feet high in the air.[…]
New York is Like a Box of Chocolates
New York City is like a patchwork quilt: there’s a little bit of everything mixed in EVERYWHERE. Little, ancient castles squished between modern, glass office buildings. Humble drugstores crouching in the shadow of centuries-old churches. Bicycle rickshaws darting between slick black town cars. Pedestrians in 5-inch heels pushing strollers through[…]
The Schedule Dream
DOES ANYONE ELSE still have The Schedule Dream? IN HIGH SCHOOL, a few weeks before the new year, you would receive a schedule with the list of all the class times, subjects, room numbers, and teachers that you would eventually commit to memory and attend in a daily manner. IF[…]