Recipes That Prove That Humans Are Monsters

  I feel pretty gross and guilty for my mayo-cheese-and-sriracha sandwiches. That’s what they are. Gluten free bread, a thick layer of Kewpie mayo on both slices, a hearty drizzle of Sriracha hot sauce, and two slices of Provolone cheese. I’m a bad person. I’m disgusting. This is my favorite[…]

I’m Alive Today Because Of Welch’s Fruit Snacks

I have a long, long history with Welch’s Fruit Snacks.   WELCH’S FRUIT SNACKS.   Let’s start with a little trip down memory lane, shall we? Back to the Early-Mid-90’s. Now, I’m A #90sKID, so obviously, I ate a lot of fruit snacks growing up. Who among us whomst was[…]

Egg Sandwiches! In The Microwave!

Ok everybody — it’s official! EVEYBODY’S cooking eggs in the microwave now!   *EVEYBODY = Matty Matheson, the COOLEST celebrity chef whomst I am low-key enamored with.     It’s been a hot damn while since I’ve talked about eggs in the microwave, and now “eggs in the microwave” are[…]

What’s Cooking?

I used to shit on cooking. Like, a lot. *looks back at that unsavory sentence* *decides to leave it in anyway*   Basically, I would run around boasting, “I can’t cook!” “I can’t cook!” like it was some kind of badge of Third-Wave Feminist Honor. No I will not get back[…]

Gluteny Foods That I Would Eat If I Could, But I Can’t, So I Don’t

  So the other day, my BGFF told me that she saw gluten digestive aid for sale. Like, pills that would help me digest gluten! Do these work? Can it be true? Yours Truly is very nearly having a B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y, and when she blows out the candles, she’ll be wishing that it does work. That maybe,[…]

BACK OFF: An Unpleasant Trader Joe’s Story

  “Personal Space” is a funny concept in New York City. In a municipality where we think nothing of entwining our legs with a stranger’s on the subway to keep our balance on that crowded L train, there are still clearly situations where there is an accepted distance that one[…]

Omelettes – In The Microwave!!!

  Backstory: I joined a Facebook community about Depression Meals. What’s a “depression meal,” you ask? Well, according to the group, basically anything that you eat while depressed? There’s a good variety between like really tragic and lazy meals (leftover white rice with ketchup?), decadent “treat yo’self” meals (cakes and[…]

Monthly Favorites: September 2017

  Hulu has been on fire lately. I’ve been loving their selection of 80’s and 90’s rom-coms, new South Park episodes, and you know it’s how I keep up with my Kardashians! I’m the kind of person who always needs something on in the background. I loved watching Sense and Sensibility, Fools Rush In, Moscow On The[…]

*Sigh* Another Autumn, Another “Basic Bitch” Debacle

  Autumn’s natural beauty is incomparable: the leaves on the trees turn to bright colors, the pumpkin harvests fill the fields with vibrant orange globes, and suddenly, the words “Basic Bitch” start cropping up everywhere.   Yes, it’s time for flannel shirts, circle scarves, and accusing each other of being[…]

“So, What DO You Eat?”

  Hello, my name is Meghan. I am a gluten-free pescetarian. (Hello, Meghan!)   I stopped eating gluten four years ago, right after my 29th birthday. No diagnosis. Actually, a doctor told my mom to stop eating (so much) gluten and I, in the throes of debilitating heartburn and diarrhea[…]

Kewpie, Doll

  My hot new summer obsession is mayonnaise.   I apologize for making you think of “hot” and “summer” and “mayonnaise” all in one sentence. Ew. Gross.   Let’s rephrase:   I’ve just discovered KEWPIE mayonnaise, this luxurious Japanese mayo that comes in a soft and lovely squeeeeeeezey bottle.  […]

Great Minds

Friday, June 2nd, 2017: the day there was NO BOOZE in the house.   On Friday, I had a little bit of work to finish up from home, so I spent the rest of the day doing errands. Send invoices, replace the SodaStream tank, and BUY BOOZE.   I walked[…]

I’m Not Sorry About My ‘Feelings’ About This Hot Pockets Commercial

  Intrigued? I know I am. This commercial, to me, is just dripping in weird toxic masculinity code.  WATCH IT!:   What is this ad saying, basically? That if you’re a dude, you’re busy doing DUDE things. Otherwise, there would be a female platonic friend wearing a VR headset on that sofa! But Nope,[…]

So Apparently I Know Fuck-All About Fruit

I consider myself an educated person. But apparently, that is fucking false.   I don’t even know how my brunch conversation with my boyfriend turned to fruits vs. vegetables, but I think it was a little something like this:   ME: “So everyone thinks that tomatoes are a vegetable, but they’re actually[…]

The Only Things I Ever Buy At Trader Joe’s. No, Really.

So back like, two years ago? I lived in Manhattan and close to a train line that ran basically from Trader Joe’s TO MY HOUSE.   *pause for a moment of silence as we remember*   This was the best because I could easily lug home whatever I wanted, and thus, anything I[…]

Let The People Live

1 Day post-Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino — is the world really that much worse for having had the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino? Yep, this is a piece about the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino.   Everybody’s been fuh-reeeeking out about it. It has sugar! It’s Insta-bait! It’s…trendy? It’s marketed towards women which automatically make it ripe for mockery. TRUTHFACTS!  […]

Do It Cuz It’s Good For You, Keep Doin’ It Cuz It Feels So Goooood

  Cross yourself and pray that this isn’t fake news, because research is finally saying all the right things, you know?   First, a study out of Kyorin University in Japan suggests that eating ice cream for breakfast can improve mental performance. Details here. Why ice cream? The reason still isn’t clear,[…]

Yes, Lavender Simple Syrup is SO Simple

That is my lavender plant…in a lavender pot. I’m growing it from seed! I posted on Twitter over the weekend that I was making lavender-infused simple syrup and ooh la laa, you’d think I’d just casually dropped that I was making Spanishe Windtorte! You guys, there’s a reason it’s called “simple syrup,”[…]