-
Good News! What’s Better Than One Dog?
TWO DOGS! Actually, a never-ending supply of dogs would be nice. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSL4nRyDytv/?taken-by=subwoofersnyc&hl=en If you didn’t already follow former xoVain editor Marci Robin on Instagram, you might not be aware of her incredible dog park Boomerangs, OR that she’s started a new Instagram account devoted entirely to pictures of dogs riding the subway! Called…
-
“Participation”
I was in seventh grade when the movie Titanic came out. At twelve years old, my friends were all developing crushes on Leonardo DiCaprio, and they were obsessed with seeing the PG-13 film. It was so popular — too popular — and I refused to participate in the Titanic mania. I would finally watch the film four years later, and while it…
-
Good News! Obamacare Lives to Die Another Day! Also: PUPPIES!
Oh, HELLO! Well, this week has been a ride. Or, to be more specific, it’s been a roller coaster that climbs steadily up and up and up, higher and higher and higher, and then you puke your life out on the way down! Literally. My week had a lot of ups at the start: a great therapy…
-
Recovering From Sub-Optimal Conditions
I had a bunch of other stuff I wanted to share today, but then two things failed: One, WordPress. Two, my digestive system. I think the pair are related, like in the landmark health resource “Our Blogs, Our Selves.” Ha ha! Silly joke. Pass the Pepto. So basically, WordPress isn’t letting me insert tweets and instagrams into…
-
Yes, Lavender Simple Syrup is SO Simple
That is my lavender plant…in a lavender pot. I’m growing it from seed! I posted on Twitter over the weekend that I was making lavender-infused simple syrup and ooh la laa, you’d think I’d just casually dropped that I was making Spanishe Windtorte! You guys, there’s a reason it’s called “simple syrup,” and that’s because it’s SO…
-
I Hear Dead People: The Playlist
If one thing doesn’t need to be said about 2016, it’s that we lost a lot of GREAT MUSICIANS. David Bowie, Prince, George Michael — I started listening to all of their songs together and realized, you know what? This is objectively a GREAT PLAYLIST. And then, Oh my God, Chuck Berry just passed away this…
-
The Dangerous Dance of Avoiding Spoilers
Netflix. Hulu. Amazon Prime. If the late, surprise winter has caught you in a streaming mood, you’re probably looking to get lost in a new television series on one of these platforms. Starting a new relationship with a television show is also fraught with peril, as you now must actively avoid spoilers for all 3,…
-
GOOD NEWS! Read This, Because Reading Anything Else On The Internet Is Just Awful And I Can’t Advise It
Yes, this post is late. Very late. I had some times on St. Patrick’s Day, as evidenced by this AMAZING selfie that happened when I tried to take a picture of a dildo at the bar, and opened up forward-facing camera instead, and decided to make this face. Sharing is caring. Blessed be. Whenever somebody…
-
So, Microwaves Are Hot Now
Call me #trendy. Microwaves are a trendy topic now, thanks to Kellyanne Conway suggesting that Barack Obama used the common household appliance to spy on Donald J. Trump. If you’re a reader who lives outside America who believes in prayer, feel free to pray for us…. NOW. Everyone who grew up in the last…
-
Problematic Celebrity News Corner
“There’s been a new allegation of rape made against that singer who wrote the song that always gets stuck in your head! This will be the 14th claim of rape made against him. The victim, who shall remain anonymous, confirmed that she was underage at the time when the singer in question drugged her drink, but he…
-
Giving Up Giving Up Things For Lent For Lent
Read it again: it makes sense. I was raised Catholicish, which means we were really The Most Catholic two times of the year: Christmas and Easter. Both holidays were preceded by a months-long buildup of anticipation at church wherein the man in the pulpit raised his voice and railed about how it was important to…
-
Alternate Bachelor Realities
It’s like The Bachelor, but it takes place inside an IKEA. It’s like The Bachelor, but with even more than three token non-white minority contestants. It’s like The Bachelor, but it’s about picking the perfect houseplant. It’s like The Bachelor, but with fluid sexuality and gender identities. It’s like The Bachelor, but for picking a…
-
To All The Converse I Have Loved Before
RIP, dark blue Converse (2016-2017). I broke you in on the red rocks of Joshua Tree. I wore you for eight days straight at Burning Man. I slept in you in a tent, because heaven forbid I wake up in the middle of the night and have to pee, I cannot be bothered to put…
-
A Response To Mental Floss’s So-Called “Online Dating Red Flags”: The Non-Sex-Negative, Non-Presumptive Edition
I am in a tizzy. I need to respond. Basically, someone wrote this Mental Floss article about “Online Dating Red Flags” which is so horseshit, I couldn’t not say something. Sorry, Danielle Braff! Maybe you were assigned to write this article, and don’t actually believe this crap, but we have to pick apart these 8 bullet points because they’re so shit:…
-
LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya
When do I *not* have something up my sleeve? A few days ago, I asked the Twitter and Facebook hive minds to answer the question: WHAT SONGS GET STUCK IN YOUR HEAD? See, I’d been struggling with having the hook from “Raspberry Beret” in my head for a week. It seems like, whenever I have…
-
GOOD NEWS! I’m finally going to get ALL THE EMOJIS this weekend!
Happy Friday, everybody! I’m especially excited for THIS WEEKEND because my boyfriend has promised to help me update my phone to the latest iOS! My phone is still on iOS 7.something, because I’m terrified of updating it. This is where my beloved pops his head in and says “THAT’S BECAUSE YOU HATE CHAAAAANGE!” Yes, that’s…
-
Happy International Woman’s Day #IWD2017
I was going to post something entirely different today, or post nothing at all (WOMEN’S STRIKE!) but then, I started thinking about it, and I started getting all misty-eyed about it, and I realized that I really wanted to wish a lot of people Happy Women’s Day, and that it was NOT going to fit…
-
Actually, Maybe I *Did* Peak In High School…during the Talent Show auditions, senior year
I spent a lot of time as a teenager afraid. Afraid of what other people would think of me, mostly. Also, afraid of failure. But mostly, afraid of BOTH — failing in front of my peer group while they all laughed and judged me. This is the story of the one time that I threw caution…
-
I Invented A Pasta, Don’t @ Me
Yeah, I invented a pasta. I’m going on record as saying that I invented this pasta because I had a craving for something salty and carb-y during my last menstrual period and I let my uterus pick the ingredients. And my uterus was eyeing that bag of brown rice pasta from Trader Joe’s that had been…
-
Dear Woodhull Hospital: it’s NOT me…IT’S YOU
Picture it: Sicily, 1922! No, just kidding, more like Brooklyn, six months ago. I’d just had an appointment with my dermatologist and it was time to schedule a six-month follow up with reception and it went a little something like THIS: Receptionist: how about March 3rd at 9:00am? Me, to myself: that’s two days after…