Good News! What’s Better Than One Dog?

  TWO DOGS!   Actually, a never-ending supply of dogs would be nice. View this post on Instagram Do you know where you're going to, @turnipthewonderdog? Do you like the things that life is showing you? #subwaydogs #subwaydog A post shared by SUBWOOFERS (@subwoofersnyc) on Mar 28, 2017 at 7:47am[…]


I was in seventh grade when the movie Titanic came out. At twelve years old, my friends were all developing crushes on Leonardo DiCaprio, and they were obsessed with seeing the PG-13 film. It was so popular — too popular — and I refused to participate in the Titanic mania. I would finally watch the film four[…]

Good News! Obamacare Lives to Die Another Day! Also: PUPPIES!

Oh, HELLO! Well, this week has been a ride. Or, to be more specific, it’s been a roller coaster that climbs steadily up and up and up, higher and higher and higher, and then you puke your life out on the way down! Literally. My week had a lot of ups at[…]

Recovering From Sub-Optimal Conditions

I had a bunch of other stuff I wanted to share today, but then two things failed: One, WordPress. Two, my digestive system. I think the pair are related, like in the landmark health resource “Our Blogs, Our Selves.” Ha ha! Silly joke. Pass the Pepto. So basically, WordPress isn’t letting me[…]

Yes, Lavender Simple Syrup is SO Simple

That is my lavender plant…in a lavender pot. I’m growing it from seed! I posted on Twitter over the weekend that I was making lavender-infused simple syrup and ooh la laa, you’d think I’d just casually dropped that I was making Spanishe Windtorte! You guys, there’s a reason it’s called “simple syrup,”[…]

I Hear Dead People: The Playlist

  If one thing doesn’t need to be said about 2016, it’s that we lost a lot of GREAT MUSICIANS. David Bowie, Prince, George Michael — I started listening to all of their songs together and realized, you know what? This is objectively a GREAT PLAYLIST. And then, Oh my God, Chuck[…]

The Dangerous Dance of Avoiding Spoilers

Netflix. Hulu. Amazon Prime. If the late, surprise winter has caught you in a streaming mood, you’re probably looking to get lost in a new television series on one of these platforms. Starting a new relationship with a television show is also fraught with peril, as you now must actively[…]

So, Microwaves Are Hot Now

Call me #trendy. Microwaves are a trendy topic now, thanks to Kellyanne Conway suggesting that Barack Obama used the common household appliance to spy on Donald J. Trump. If you’re a reader who lives outside America who believes in prayer, feel free to pray for us…. NOW.      Everyone who[…]

Problematic Celebrity News Corner

“There’s been a new allegation of rape made against that singer who wrote the song that always gets stuck in your head! This will be the 14th claim of rape made against him. The victim, who shall remain anonymous, confirmed that she was underage at the time when the singer in question[…]

Giving Up Giving Up Things For Lent For Lent

Read it again: it makes sense. I was raised Catholicish, which means we were really The Most Catholic two times of the year: Christmas and Easter. Both holidays were preceded by a months-long buildup of anticipation at church wherein the man in the pulpit raised his voice and railed about[…]

Alternate Bachelor Realities

It’s like The Bachelor, but it takes place inside an IKEA. It’s like The Bachelor, but with even more than three token non-white minority contestants. It’s like The Bachelor, but it’s about picking the perfect houseplant. It’s like The Bachelor, but with fluid sexuality and gender identities. It’s like The[…]

To All The Converse I Have Loved Before

RIP, dark blue Converse (2016-2017). I broke you in on the red rocks of Joshua Tree. I wore you for eight days straight at Burning Man. I slept in you in a tent, because heaven forbid I wake up in the middle of the night and have to pee, I[…]

LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya

When do I *not* have something up my sleeve? A few days ago, I asked the Twitter and Facebook hive minds to answer the question: WHAT SONGS GET STUCK IN YOUR HEAD? See, I’d been struggling with having the hook from “Raspberry Beret” in my head for a week. It[…]

GOOD NEWS! I’m finally going to get ALL THE EMOJIS this weekend!

Happy Friday, everybody! I’m especially excited for THIS WEEKEND because my boyfriend has promised to help me update my phone to the latest iOS! My phone is still on iOS 7.something, because I’m terrified of updating it. This is where my beloved pops his head in and says “THAT’S BECAUSE[…]

Happy International Woman’s Day #IWD2017

I was going to post something entirely different today, or post nothing at all (WOMEN’S STRIKE!) but then, I started thinking about it, and I started getting all misty-eyed about it, and I realized that I really wanted to wish a lot of people Happy Women’s Day, and that it[…]

I Invented A Pasta, Don’t @ Me

Yeah, I invented a pasta.   I’m going on record as saying that I invented this pasta because I had a craving for something salty and carb-y during my last menstrual period and I let my uterus pick the ingredients. And my uterus was eyeing that bag of brown rice pasta from[…]

Dear Woodhull Hospital: it’s NOT me…IT’S YOU

Picture it: Sicily, 1922! No, just kidding, more like Brooklyn, six months ago. I’d just had an appointment with my dermatologist and it was time to schedule a six-month follow up with reception and it went a little something like THIS: Receptionist: how about March 3rd at 9:00am? Me, to[…]