Tag: rants
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Your iPhone, Your Boobs, and You
Ladies, level with me. When you talk on your iPhone (does anyone still talk on their iPhone?), how do you NOT get it covered in yucky face guck? I’m talking moisturizer, sunscreen, foundation, powder – every time I pull it away from my face to hang up, there’s that ewww moment where I realize that…
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Because You May Find This Pinteresting…
Real talk: we probably all use Pinterest here, right? Pinterest kinda bugs me. I like having a way to store and easily find images of say, craft ideas and hairstyles and nail art. I think it’s a fantastic idea. However, you may have noticed that there are some insane people on Pinterest. Apparently, there are…
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This Way to Happiness
The end of this month marks the end of my 28th year, and it’s about time I took some steps in a positive direction. Those of you who know me IRL know I’m having a bit of a tough time. I’m always complaining that everyone hates me, I’ll never amount to anything, I’m tired all…
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Best / Worst TV Show
Source: google.com via Ila on Pinterest Drop Dead Diva may be the most amazing show on television: they take the most offensive, weakest premise imaginable and turn it into a charming, touching, addictive comedy/drama/law procedural. WHAT?!? Here’s the gist: what’s worse than dying in a car accident? Why, BEING FAT, of course! The first three…
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Bugging Out
Confession: we have bugs. This is New York City! Helloooo! Everyone has bugs…or mice…or rats…or toilet snakes! Exhibit A: Bug seen on counter, near oh-so-precious coffee maker!!! Exhibit B: Bug seen in cupboard, near plates and SPLENDA! Exhibit C: BUG ON THE COUCH. My Fortress of Solitude! My Bat-cave! Needless to say, the last breach…
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I'm Afraid to Be Alone
I’m a little ashamed to admit that I’m afraid to live by myself. I don’t, of course, I have Eels. And before that, I lived with my parents. For many, many years. Here’s the embarrassing part: I’m afraid to be alone at night. And I’m almost 28 years old! Take, for example, a few years…
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Ghost Stories
Tonight, I’ll be giving a ghost tour. Yes, I enjoy the paranormal, the bloody, the serial killers! It’s always funny to see people’s reactions when I tell them about this strange passion of mine, but the response I have in my mind is, why doesn’t this interest you? Death is one of the few things…
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Bridalplasty
Much like the time I watched a 16-wheeler get stuck under an underpass, Bridalplasty is just one of those things you know you shouldn’t watch but you just can’t help staring at and talking about. Everything about this show is repulsive and demeaning. It preys on women’s personal insecurities while also feeding into the celebrity-…
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Not Guilty
Call me wicked, call me wasteful, tell me I’m lazy and self-indulgent, but I refuse – REFUSE – to feel guilty about enjoying my life. If like has a purpose, what is it? Is death like an audit – having to account for and justify every moment spent, every dollar? Is frivolity against the law?…
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I Used To See Me On TV
Growing up pre-Internet in a small town where everything closed at 9pm save for the WAL*MART and the two local Denny’ses (pancakes and auto parts, yee haw!), television was my only link to the outside world. Not to take all the credit away from my family, teachers and peers, but I think television shaped who…
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Being Barbie
People give Barbie a lot of flack. People say she is a bad role model for children. People don’t typically have a sense of humor about things. They like to say, “What if Barbie was a real person?” Source: seb098.blogspot.com via Allison on Pinterest Well, if Barbie was a real person, she’d probably be called…
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Dress Yourself
Question: How old were you when you learned to dress yourself? You probably don’t even remember, because you were so young! I know I had a “Dressy Bessy” doll to teach me how to button buttons, snap snaps, lace laces, zipper zippers…uh…you get the idea. Arms over the head, shirt on. Pants, one leg at…
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Broadway Beats the Blues
Petula Clark once said “when you’re alone and life is making you lonely you can always go…downtown.” I’ve also heard them say the neon lights are bright on Broadway. So I hit the pavement in search of adventure to shake the funk I’ve been in lately. See? This is the pavement I hit-ed. I feel…
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Saving the Soup
This is totally a metaphor. You know how sometimes, at the grocery store, when they don’t have your normal soup, you’ll see a different soup, and think, hey, maybe I should try that soup! Your excitement mounts, you see this soup being every soup you dreamed of and more. This could be my new favourite…
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Stuff I Just Don’t Understand The Appeal Of
Photo source Photo source Photo source Photo source Photo source Photo source
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Laundry Day
One of the chores I used to love was laundry. It was so simple! Throw some soap and dirty clothes into a washing machine, walk away. Move it to the dryer, walk away. Presto, change-o, after a little while you have a battalion of sweet-smelling, clean clothes at your disposal once again! If chores were…