Your iPhone, Your Boobs, and You

Ladies, level with me.  When you talk on your iPhone (does anyone still talk on their iPhone?), how do you NOT get it covered in yucky face guck?  I’m talking moisturizer, sunscreen, foundation, powder – every time I pull it away from my face to hang up, there’s that ewww moment where I realize that the contents of my face have transferred onto my precious glass slab.  And afterwards, fearring that my formerly made-up face now has a blank spot in the shape of a long rectangle.

Does this never happen to you?  No?  Only me?  What do you DO in those moments?

So far, the overwhelming consensus on female iPhone hygiene is the boob wipe. 

Take, for instance, my walk today home from therapy (oh, yeah, congrats to you on getting therapy, Meghan!  What a strong adult decision you’ve made!), I called my mom afterwards and we talked for about a dozen blocks.  When I pulled my phone away from my face, there was an actual puddle on the screen of my phone.  With a drip rolling down it.

So what did I do?  Crossed my right hand over my heart – I pledge allegiance to Apple Corporation – and wiped it on my left bosom.

Is this because the breasts are the cleanest part of the body?  If we entrust them to feed offspring, and attract a mate, does it then follow that they should also sanitize our electronics?  Why not the front of the pants, which is know as the “lap” or “napkin” or “lap-kin” region?

Don’t be shy.  Let me know if you do this.


10 responses to “Your iPhone, Your Boobs, and You”

  1. oh. I know all about getting makeup on your phone. I usually use my pants. (once I had to actually LICK it. tmi? probably)

  2. haha, yes…do this ALWAYS. where I wipe generally depends on what I'm wearing…and the color of it, ha. but I've done a boob wipe more than once!

  3. I'm really not sure where I usually wipe off my phone, but it definitely comes into contact with various parts of my body somewhat frequently. yay for face gunk!

    (this comment sounds really weird)

  4. lol, mine arent clean. im always leaning on something or bumping into something else. boobs are close, so is a hip. but a boob is cushiony. i often have face gunk on my phone- one great privilege of being italian is literally sweating oil- but i got a glare-free screen protector for my iphone. it has a matte finish and you cant see all the fingerprints and cheek sweat!


    1. I have to find these matte screen protectors! Mine is always so disgusting – it's my own fault!

  5. oh my goodness, I'm laughing so hard… yes I'm guilty of doing this as well. lol

  6. This happens every time I talk on my phone outdoors in summer, and yeah, I usually just wipe it off on my shirt (on my side, though). Recently, though, I started using headphones to talk on the phone to avoid precisely this situation!

  7. This is precisely why a lady always carries a handkerchief.

  8. I'm certain we ALL do it. Boobs provide enough mass to clean the entire surface area, and we know they won't scratch. Either that or we all just want an innocuous feel up.

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