Have you seen the season premiere of The Bachelor? It aired on Monday. It was a 3-hour live television event! Or was it? For years, Chris Harrison has been screaming at us that we can expect THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON YET but I’ve got a funny feeling that this time,[…]
Category: Bachelor Nation
So Colton Underwood Is The New ‘Bachelor’… Does ABC Just NOT KNOW Any NON-TOXIC MEN?!?!?
LaDiEs, who’s lining up to be strung along by ^^^THIS HUNK^^^ only to be dumped after learning that his feelings for you were all FAKED because he’s afraid of REJECTING WOMEN!?!?! Aaaaaany takers? In a shocking announcement last week on GMA, it was announced that Colton Underwood will be 2019’s lucky Bachelor. Raising the[…]
I Love Hate Clicks (And You Can’t Stop Me)
Yes, I read the blog post. The one everyone was talking about: Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Who’ve Never Spoken To Anyone Outside Their Immediate Family, by The Brainwashed Wife. I kid, I kid! But you know the one. Look, far be it from me to criticize someone for blogging their unpopular[…]
A Pox On Arie
I’m still mad. Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no. ICYMI, apparently, Arie (aka “The Worst Bachelor In History”),[…]
For Your Consideration: I Should Be The Bachelorette!
Attn: ABC, Bachelor Franchise, Chris Harrison, et al: You have a problem. Arie’s season debuted to record low ratings. People are turning away from the franchise in record numbers. You got your asses handed to you by Young Sheldon, for crying out loud! Let’s not even speak of the Bachelor in Paradise. Let’s NOT. Your[…]
Paradise Lost
You know I’m #TeamCorn. Corinne Olympios was the “villain” of Nick’s season of The Bachelor. Although, in my opinion, NICK was the villain of Nick’s season of The Bachelor, but, you know, bygones. Just had a near death experience in the paper goods isle at target. It was very dramatic — Corinne olympios[…]
The Barkchelorette
Oh hi, it’s me. Copper. I know you’ve only just met me in Episode 1 of Season 13 of The Bachelorette, but I’ve known Rachel Lindsay for a long time. We’ve spent more time together than Rachel & Fred did during their camp days. Rachel told Fred, “You always remember the bad[…]
Nobody’s Having Fun On The Bachelor 21.6 — Not Even In “Paradise.”
Theory: Nick doesn’t want LOVE. He wants MISERY. That’s the only thing that could possibly explain his actions in this episode. But it makes a lot of sense if you consider his actions on Bachelor in Paradise! There, after one date with Amanda, Nick decided that they belonged together. Which would’ve been awesome, had[…]
When The Bachelor 21.5 Stops Being Escapist Fun And Starts Becoming A Metaphor For America’s Almost-Certain Doom
The Bachelor used to be my escapism. Used to be. Maybe it’s just the greige-colored glasses I’ve been wearing since Jan. 20th, but this week’s episode just reminded me constantly that we — America — are totally, royally, hopelessly fucked. Let’s look at this season of The Bachelor so far as a parable for[…]
The Bachelor 21.4 aka “Corinntervention” aka WHAT IS ‘REAL’?!?
Why is this show so LONG and so BORING? I don’t remember Ben’s season being this boring. I don’t remember Jojo’s season being this boring. Maybe it’s just harder to care about The Bachelor when the whole world is literally on fire. Anyway. This was the drama-filled, having-it-out, ‘if-Corinne-gets-a-rose-I’m-leaving’ episode we were[…]
The Least Normal Dates I’ve Ever Had In My Life
So the other day I was watching The Bachelor (like you do) and after I recovered from Raven giggling about assaulting her ex-boyfriend (hold on, I promise I’m going somewhere with this, but OMG wtf that was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen on The Bachelor), Raven raved to the cameras about what a great date[…]
The Bachelor 21.3: in which I defend Corrine because don’t hate the player, hate the game, and the name of the game is CATTINESS
Corrine, Corrine, Corrine. That was the title of this past week’s episode, right? After the whole “Liz” thing, the ladies in the house find themselves without a united enemy, and so, they choose Corrine. Corrine took her top off at the photo shoot (where another girl was also topless)! Corrine[…]
The Bachelor 21.2: The One Where HEY did you know that Liz slept with Nick at Jade & Tanner’s Wedding????
Let’s be honest: The Bachelor is a long show where not much actually happens. Each episode is approximately two hours long, and until the point where we can list all the contestants off the top of our head, we don’t really care what happens. So it becomes necessary to pad out[…]
The Bachelor Season 21 Ep. 1 Recap: “In A World Full Of Red Dresses, Be A Shark.” Or Dolphin. Or Don’t. Actually, Just BE YOURSELF
In the world of reality TV dating shows, it’s really important to stand out, be memorable. Ideally, you don’t want to be memorable as being the mumbly, annoying guy who came in second place three times. As I told my boyfriend last night while he watched the show with me[…]