Bachelor Nation

Run, Hannah, Run! Why Luke on #TheBachelorette Scares the Shit Out Of Me

  I’m constantly triggered watching The Bachelorette because Luke — the “Bad Boy” of the season — is not only constantly picking fights with other contestants, he’s behaving towards Hannah with classic traits of a stalker.   For one thing, I take

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Run, Hannah, Run! Why Luke on #TheBachelorette Scares the Shit Out Of Me

  I’m constantly triggered watching The Bachelorette because Luke — the “Bad Boy” of the season — is not only constantly picking fights with other contestants, he’s behaving towards Hannah with classic traits of a stalker.   For one thing, I take

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Is It Time To “Eliminate” Reality TV Dating Shows For Good?

  It’s not me, it’s them.   I’m having relationship trouble with reality TV dating shows. It’s a very unhealthy relationship, you see. They make me so upset, but I can’t stay away. Take, for example, my latest new addiction: Paradise Hotel on Fox.

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Is It Time To “Eliminate” Reality TV Dating Shows For Good?

  It’s not me, it’s them.   I’m having relationship trouble with reality TV dating shows. It’s a very unhealthy relationship, you see. They make me so upset, but I can’t stay away. Take, for example, my latest new addiction: Paradise Hotel on Fox.

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Think I’m Going To Tear #TheBachelorette First Promo To Pieces? THINK AGAIN!!

  Ok, I have made it very clear that I have Strong Opinions™ about Hannah B. as the 15th Bachelorette. I’ll be perfectly honest: I haven’t liked Hannah (B) ever since she couldn’t come up with a toast. I thought maybe, maybe she was

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Think I’m Going To Tear #TheBachelorette First Promo To Pieces? THINK AGAIN!!

  Ok, I have made it very clear that I have Strong Opinions™ about Hannah B. as the 15th Bachelorette. I’ll be perfectly honest: I haven’t liked Hannah (B) ever since she couldn’t come up with a toast. I thought maybe, maybe she was

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Who’s “Ready” for The Bachelor??

  Bachelor spoilers ahead!   It happens every season: after a certain point, the “fun” contestants have all departed, yet we still keep watching for some reason cuz we wanna see which Lauren B the Bachelor will stand on a beach and

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Who’s “Ready” for The Bachelor??

  Bachelor spoilers ahead!   It happens every season: after a certain point, the “fun” contestants have all departed, yet we still keep watching for some reason cuz we wanna see which Lauren B the Bachelor will stand on a beach and

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Have You Seen The Premiere Of The Bachelor Yet? Because I’m Not So Sure I Have

Have you seen the season premiere of The Bachelor? It aired on Monday. It was a 3-hour live television event! Or was it? For years, Chris Harrison has been screaming at us that we can expect THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON

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Have You Seen The Premiere Of The Bachelor Yet? Because I’m Not So Sure I Have

Have you seen the season premiere of The Bachelor? It aired on Monday. It was a 3-hour live television event! Or was it? For years, Chris Harrison has been screaming at us that we can expect THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON

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So Colton Underwood Is The New ‘Bachelor’… Does ABC Just NOT KNOW Any NON-TOXIC MEN?!?!?

  LaDiEs, who’s lining up to be strung along by ^^^THIS HUNK^^^ only to be dumped after learning that his feelings for you were all FAKED because he’s afraid of REJECTING WOMEN!?!?! Aaaaaany takers?   In a shocking announcement last week

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So Colton Underwood Is The New ‘Bachelor’… Does ABC Just NOT KNOW Any NON-TOXIC MEN?!?!?

  LaDiEs, who’s lining up to be strung along by ^^^THIS HUNK^^^ only to be dumped after learning that his feelings for you were all FAKED because he’s afraid of REJECTING WOMEN!?!?! Aaaaaany takers?   In a shocking announcement last week

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I Love Hate Clicks (And You Can’t Stop Me)

  Yes, I read the blog post. The one everyone was talking about: Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Who’ve Never Spoken To Anyone Outside Their Immediate Family, by The Brainwashed Wife. I kid, I kid! But you know the one. Look, far be

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I Love Hate Clicks (And You Can’t Stop Me)

  Yes, I read the blog post. The one everyone was talking about: Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Who’ve Never Spoken To Anyone Outside Their Immediate Family, by The Brainwashed Wife. I kid, I kid! But you know the one. Look, far be

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A Pox On Arie

  I’m still mad.   Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no.

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A Pox On Arie

  I’m still mad.   Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no.

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For Your Consideration: I Should Be The Bachelorette!

  Attn: ABC, Bachelor Franchise, Chris Harrison, et al:   You have a problem.   Arie’s season debuted to record low ratings. People are turning away from the franchise in record numbers. You got your asses handed to you by Young Sheldon, for

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For Your Consideration: I Should Be The Bachelorette!

  Attn: ABC, Bachelor Franchise, Chris Harrison, et al:   You have a problem.   Arie’s season debuted to record low ratings. People are turning away from the franchise in record numbers. You got your asses handed to you by Young Sheldon, for

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Paradise Lost

  You know I’m #TeamCorn. Corinne Olympios was the “villain” of Nick’s season of The Bachelor. Although, in my opinion, NICK was the villain of Nick’s season of The Bachelor, but, you know, bygones. Just had a near death experience in the paper goods

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Paradise Lost

  You know I’m #TeamCorn. Corinne Olympios was the “villain” of Nick’s season of The Bachelor. Although, in my opinion, NICK was the villain of Nick’s season of The Bachelor, but, you know, bygones. Just had a near death experience in the paper goods

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The Barkchelorette

Oh hi, it’s me. Copper. I know you’ve only just met me in Episode 1 of Season 13 of The Bachelorette, but I’ve known Rachel Lindsay for a long time. We’ve spent more time together than Rachel & Fred did during their

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The Barkchelorette

Oh hi, it’s me. Copper. I know you’ve only just met me in Episode 1 of Season 13 of The Bachelorette, but I’ve known Rachel Lindsay for a long time. We’ve spent more time together than Rachel & Fred did during their

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Nobody’s Having Fun On The Bachelor 21.6 — Not Even In “Paradise.”

Theory: Nick doesn’t want LOVE. He wants MISERY. That’s the only thing that could possibly explain his actions in this episode. But it makes a lot of sense if you consider his actions on Bachelor in Paradise! There, after one date with Amanda, Nick

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Nobody’s Having Fun On The Bachelor 21.6 — Not Even In “Paradise.”

Theory: Nick doesn’t want LOVE. He wants MISERY. That’s the only thing that could possibly explain his actions in this episode. But it makes a lot of sense if you consider his actions on Bachelor in Paradise! There, after one date with Amanda, Nick

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When The Bachelor 21.5 Stops Being Escapist Fun And Starts Becoming A Metaphor For America’s Almost-Certain Doom

The Bachelor used to be my escapism. Used to be. Maybe it’s just the greige-colored glasses I’ve been wearing since Jan. 20th, but this week’s episode just reminded me constantly that we — America — are totally, royally, hopelessly fucked. Let’s look

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When The Bachelor 21.5 Stops Being Escapist Fun And Starts Becoming A Metaphor For America’s Almost-Certain Doom

The Bachelor used to be my escapism. Used to be. Maybe it’s just the greige-colored glasses I’ve been wearing since Jan. 20th, but this week’s episode just reminded me constantly that we — America — are totally, royally, hopelessly fucked. Let’s look

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The Bachelor 21.4 aka “Corinntervention” aka WHAT IS ‘REAL’?!?

Why is this show so LONG and so BORING? I don’t remember Ben’s season being this boring. I don’t remember Jojo’s season being this boring. Maybe it’s just harder to care about The Bachelor when the whole world is literally on fire.

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The Bachelor 21.4 aka “Corinntervention” aka WHAT IS ‘REAL’?!?

Why is this show so LONG and so BORING? I don’t remember Ben’s season being this boring. I don’t remember Jojo’s season being this boring. Maybe it’s just harder to care about The Bachelor when the whole world is literally on fire.

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The Least Normal Dates I’ve Ever Had In My Life

So the other day I was watching The Bachelor (like you do) and after I recovered from Raven giggling about assaulting her ex-boyfriend (hold on, I promise I’m going somewhere with this, but OMG wtf that was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen

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The Least Normal Dates I’ve Ever Had In My Life

So the other day I was watching The Bachelor (like you do) and after I recovered from Raven giggling about assaulting her ex-boyfriend (hold on, I promise I’m going somewhere with this, but OMG wtf that was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen

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The Bachelor 21.3: in which I defend Corrine because don’t hate the player, hate the game, and the name of the game is CATTINESS

Corrine, Corrine, Corrine. That was the title of this past week’s episode, right? After the whole “Liz” thing, the ladies in the house find themselves without a united enemy, and so, they choose Corrine. Corrine took her top off at

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The Bachelor 21.3: in which I defend Corrine because don’t hate the player, hate the game, and the name of the game is CATTINESS

Corrine, Corrine, Corrine. That was the title of this past week’s episode, right? After the whole “Liz” thing, the ladies in the house find themselves without a united enemy, and so, they choose Corrine. Corrine took her top off at

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The Bachelor 21.2: The One Where HEY did you know that Liz slept with Nick at Jade & Tanner’s Wedding????

Let’s be honest: The Bachelor is a long show where not much actually happens. Each episode is approximately two hours long, and until the point where we can list all the contestants off the top of our head, we don’t really

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The Bachelor 21.2: The One Where HEY did you know that Liz slept with Nick at Jade & Tanner’s Wedding????

Let’s be honest: The Bachelor is a long show where not much actually happens. Each episode is approximately two hours long, and until the point where we can list all the contestants off the top of our head, we don’t really

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The Bachelor Season 21 Ep. 1 Recap: “In A World Full Of Red Dresses, Be A Shark.” Or Dolphin. Or Don’t. Actually, Just BE YOURSELF

In the world of reality TV dating shows, it’s really important to stand out, be memorable. Ideally, you don’t want to be memorable as being the mumbly, annoying guy who came in second place three times. As I told my

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The Bachelor Season 21 Ep. 1 Recap: “In A World Full Of Red Dresses, Be A Shark.” Or Dolphin. Or Don’t. Actually, Just BE YOURSELF

In the world of reality TV dating shows, it’s really important to stand out, be memorable. Ideally, you don’t want to be memorable as being the mumbly, annoying guy who came in second place three times. As I told my

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