I *thrive* on being busy. I sleep better when I’m busy, drink more water when I’m busy, keep my room cleaner when I’m busy. I’ve been pretty busy lately, but it’s a delicate balance. I know that I’m too busy and too tired when THIS happens: I think it was the night of the[…]
Tag: true story
Texting + Stairs = DANGER!
As the famous nursery rhyme “Ring Around the Rosie” posits, “We all fall down.” Some of us more spectacularly than others. Picture this: Monday night, around 8pm. I’ve just left work and I’m heading home while texting my boss about the progress we’re making. I do this all the[…]
Missed Connection (???)
Have you ever posted a “missed connection”? Have you ever read the “missed connections”? Have you ever missed a connection? I confess to you, I may have fucked up and missed one, myself. It was A LONG time ago. Like, the last week of February. It was that one[…]
A Pox On Arie
I’m still mad. Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no. ICYMI, apparently, Arie (aka “The Worst Bachelor In History”),[…]
The Pits
June 26th, 2014: I grammed this gorgeous selfie of yours truly all dressed up for a date. Hair curled, cute sundress, makeup on point. I look amazing, BUT! For the itchy, scaly, oozy, red splotch of psoriasis under my armpit. You can tell I’ve tried my darnedest to filter the living[…]
Chivalry Isn’t Dead!!! — You Can Get It At Trader Joe’s
If you live in New York or — heck — the EAST COAST, even, you might have gotten buried under a shit-ton of snow yesterday??? Yeah, I noticed. It snowed! I was a snow-skeptic, though, RIGHT up until the last minute. Which is why I decided it was a[…]
New York, I ❤️ You (And You ❤️ Me Back)
Guys, let me tell you about the New Jersey Turnpike. See, you never really know how much you love something until you lose it. This was how I realized I was stanning Sasha Velour in season 9: when it looked like she might be in danger of having[…]
So I Got My Period At Burning Man
photo by Nina Hazen I finally caught the bullet that I dodged last year. Last year, I was scheduled to get my period at Burning Man, but if you’ll recall (because I know you are so into my menstrual cycle), it came early and was the cherry on top of[…]
I Saw The Light
Bright light floods my eyes. Bright, bright light. I raise my hand to shield them. What’s happening? “The helicopter,” I whisper weakly. “For the drowning. The shipwreck.” “Where’s your phone?” My boyfriend asks. “Here, here,” I press it into his arm. He turns off the[…]
Angry Birds
And at first it was cute, but now, I’m afraid in my own home. So I might have mentioned on social media (Twitter, probably, appropriately enough) that a family of small birds has built a nest underneath my kitchen window. I was so excited to have “new neighbors” and[…]
Poppin’ Tags: A True Story About How Storytelling Saved My Butt
I have a favorite Goodwill store. I assume you all do, too. Mine is on 8th street, just East of 6th Avenue. Damn close to the Jefferson Market Library, home to my favorite clock tower. They have a really good selection of quirky items, and they’re pretty lax about enforcing their “only[…]
🖕 Giving You🖕 THE FINGER 🖕 Since 1991 🖕
I lost my innocence in the first grade. Cue title sequence: Fast Times at Vestal Hills Elementary. You know what it’s like to be six years old and the “new kid” in a school where all the other kids have known each other since kindergarten (you know, a whole year ago)? You[…]
Actually, Maybe I *Did* Peak In High School…during the Talent Show auditions, senior year
I spent a lot of time as a teenager afraid. Afraid of what other people would think of me, mostly. Also, afraid of failure. But mostly, afraid of BOTH — failing in front of my peer group while they all laughed and judged me. This is the story of[…]
Dear Woodhull Hospital: it’s NOT me…IT’S YOU
Picture it: Sicily, 1922! No, just kidding, more like Brooklyn, six months ago. I’d just had an appointment with my dermatologist and it was time to schedule a six-month follow up with reception and it went a little something like THIS: Receptionist: how about March 3rd at 9:00am? Me, to[…]
Have Yourself A Pukey Little Christmas
Christmas 2016 is one we won’t soon forget. Even if we wanted to. Oh, we had a really nice time, don’t get me wrong! At the last minute, my boyfriend asked me to come with him to his family Christmas in Connecticut for the weekend. We had a lovely Christmas[…]