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Success
What if success is by how much you ACCOMPLISH, but how much you ENJOY??? I type into my phone as I eat a burrata and a Prosecco for dinner at my favorite NYC restaurant of 2011, Saggio. Motown plays on the PA, the air conditioning is cool but not frigid, and even though my…
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55 Years of Crimes That Rocked New York City
So the thing is, and I’ll admit, I have a pretty niche interest. What can I say? I grew up looking forward to Fridays … because that was the day of the week that Law & Order: SVU premiered new episodes (in the late 90’s-early 00’s). Honestly, I’m kind of amazed that I still decided to move to…
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Pockets in Pajamas
People, we have a lot of fun on this blog. But now, I need to address a serious issue. We need pockets. In pajamas. And we need them. Yesterday. Well, specifically, we need them a month ago. It was around a month ago when I was doing laundry in my pajamas… as you do! I mean,…
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HOW Tired Am I? *THIS* Tired
I *thrive* on being busy. I sleep better when I’m busy, drink more water when I’m busy, keep my room cleaner when I’m busy. I’ve been pretty busy lately, but it’s a delicate balance. I know that I’m too busy and too tired when THIS happens: I think it was the night of the Primary Election. I *think,* because…
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Texting + Stairs = DANGER!
As the famous nursery rhyme “Ring Around the Rosie” posits, “We all fall down.” Some of us more spectacularly than others. Picture this: Monday night, around 8pm. I’ve just left work and I’m heading home while texting my boss about the progress we’re making. I do this all the time! I pride myself on being…
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Missed Connection (???)
Have you ever posted a “missed connection”? Have you ever read the “missed connections”? Have you ever missed a connection? I confess to you, I may have fucked up and missed one, myself. It was A LONG time ago. Like, the last week of February. It was that one freakish week that it was…
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A Pox On Arie
I’m still mad. Yep, hex the shit out of him. For, as I’m learning, men don’t mature. They just become salt-and-pepper human shitbags. You’d think that a man of 36 would be capable of having meaningful relationships? But, no. ICYMI, apparently, Arie (aka “The Worst Bachelor In History”), proposed to Becca K in…
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The Pits
June 26th, 2014: I grammed this gorgeous selfie of yours truly all dressed up for a date. Hair curled, cute sundress, makeup on point. I look amazing, BUT! For the itchy, scaly, oozy, red splotch of psoriasis under my armpit. You can tell I’ve tried my darnedest to filter the living F out of this photo…
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Chivalry Isn’t Dead!!! — You Can Get It At Trader Joe’s
If you live in New York or — heck — the EAST COAST, even, you might have gotten buried under a shit-ton of snow yesterday??? Yeah, I noticed. It snowed! I was a snow-skeptic, though, RIGHT up until the last minute. Which is why I decided it was a GREAT IDEA to go grocery…
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New York, I ❤️ You (And You ❤️ Me Back)
Guys, let me tell you about the New Jersey Turnpike. See, you never really know how much you love something until you lose it. This was how I realized I was stanning Sasha Velour in season 9: when it looked like she might be in danger of having to lip sync for her…
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So I Got My Period At Burning Man
photo by Nina Hazen I finally caught the bullet that I dodged last year. Last year, I was scheduled to get my period at Burning Man, but if you’ll recall (because I know you are so into my menstrual cycle), it came early and was the cherry on top of three days of ??food poisoning??…
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I Saw The Light
Bright light floods my eyes. Bright, bright light. I raise my hand to shield them. What’s happening? “The helicopter,” I whisper weakly. “For the drowning. The shipwreck.” “Where’s your phone?” My boyfriend asks. “Here, here,” I press it into his arm. He turns off the flashlight feature on his phone…
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Angry Birds
And at first it was cute, but now, I’m afraid in my own home. So I might have mentioned on social media (Twitter, probably, appropriately enough) that a family of small birds has built a nest underneath my kitchen window. I was so excited to have “new neighbors” and I love nature! Right? …
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Poppin’ Tags: A True Story About How Storytelling Saved My Butt
I have a favorite Goodwill store. I assume you all do, too. Mine is on 8th street, just East of 6th Avenue. Damn close to the Jefferson Market Library, home to my favorite clock tower. They have a really good selection of quirky items, and they’re pretty lax about enforcing their “only 3 items in the dressing…
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? Giving You? THE FINGER ? Since 1991 ?
I lost my innocence in the first grade. Cue title sequence: Fast Times at Vestal Hills Elementary. You know what it’s like to be six years old and the “new kid” in a school where all the other kids have known each other since kindergarten (you know, a whole year ago)? You have to prove you’re tough.…
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Actually, Maybe I *Did* Peak In High School…during the Talent Show auditions, senior year
I spent a lot of time as a teenager afraid. Afraid of what other people would think of me, mostly. Also, afraid of failure. But mostly, afraid of BOTH — failing in front of my peer group while they all laughed and judged me. This is the story of the one time that I threw caution…
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Dear Woodhull Hospital: it’s NOT me…IT’S YOU
Picture it: Sicily, 1922! No, just kidding, more like Brooklyn, six months ago. I’d just had an appointment with my dermatologist and it was time to schedule a six-month follow up with reception and it went a little something like THIS: Receptionist: how about March 3rd at 9:00am? Me, to myself: that’s two days after…
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Have Yourself A Pukey Little Christmas
Christmas 2016 is one we won’t soon forget. Even if we wanted to. Oh, we had a really nice time, don’t get me wrong! At the last minute, my boyfriend asked me to come with him to his family Christmas in Connecticut for the weekend. We had a lovely Christmas Eve dinner with crackers and…