GOOD NEWS! I’m “So Emotional,” Baby!

  ‘Morning! Yer looking at the mysterious side-toe bruise that appeared last week and still hasn’t fully dissipated. I have no idea how to even GET a bruise in this spot. Please don’t tell me that side-toe-bruises are an ominous sign of like, a deadly disease or something.   This[…]

MoMA Alone

  So I’ve long been a proponent of “dating yourself.” Like, you know, taking yourself out on dates to reinvest in your relationship with yourself? Okay, that sounds a bit bizarre and selfish and self-indulgent. Why not go with somebody else? Why do it alone? Well…. Aren’t you worth it? Why don’t you deserve to enjoy[…]

Paradise Lost

  You know I’m #TeamCorn. Corinne Olympios was the “villain” of Nick’s season of The Bachelor. Although, in my opinion, NICK was the villain of Nick’s season of The Bachelor, but, you know, bygones. Just had a near death experience in the paper goods isle at target. It was very dramatic — Corinne olympios[…]

Don’t Get Pissed, But Your “Fearless Girl” Is Bullshit

  I know I know, you’re already angry at my title — but what is being “fearless” if not standing up for what’s right, even if it’s unpopular? I love you all, I love Intersectional Feminism, and that is why I cannot stand by Fearless Girl.   I know you’re[…]

Good News! We Don’t Have To “Taco”-‘Bout It

  So this week was very sad. I feel like a human blister: full of tears and ready to erupt at any moment. Trying to hold shit together is really really hard, but it’s a little easier every day. Let’s be honest, pretty much all of my energy this week[…]

Bad Dog

  All dogs go to Heaven, don’t they?   If that’s true, maybe there’s a special section for Bad Dogs.   Do you know what Bad Dog Heaven is like?     Bad Dog Heaven is made of laps. LAPS. Laps to jump on! Laps to curl up in! Laps[…]

Good News! We Are ALL All Stars

  Hey! How are you? Staying cool, I hope? This week has been brutal. And before we get to World News, here’s the News with me: This week started off really great. Last weekend – Saturday – I went thrifting with my boyfriend and found a couple great dresses and a HUUUUUGE[…]

Be Safe

  I tell you to “Be Safe.” You hate it. Safe is what you don’t want to be. “Safe is the enemy” of adventure. “Safe” is the last thing you want. When I tell you “be safe,” your hackles go up. You’re never going to “be safe,” are you?  […]

We NEED To Have A Potty Talk

  Hi, strangers. We need to have a talk about potty training. Not for kids… for adults. For YOU.     I would say, seven times out of ten, I walk into a Manhattan public restroom and find piss everywhere. More than just a few sprinkled. More than the errant drip. Much[…]

Good News! We Can Peel Our OWN Oranges!

  Well hello, again! It’s another weekly roundup of GOOD NEWS. Funny pictures and happy-making news items to stuff in your eye sockets when everything else on the Internet seems hopeless and depressing.We begin, as we most often do, with a personal update. Because you love meeeeeee, that’s why you’re[…]

After “Before He Cheats”

  Ext. Honkey-tonk dive bar. HE and SHE exit together, entwined. SHE is visibly tipsy and stumbling over the sidewalk, but she falls when HE drops her to the ground in shock. HE: What the hell? MY CAR! SHE: OOF! Where’s yer car hon? OH SHIT. HE: That bitch trashed[…]

I Feel Pretty, Or Maybe Not

  After cooking dinner for my grandma and sipping on rosé, we (my mother, my grandma, and I) rushed from the table to meet my aunt, uncle, and cousins at our favorite mini golf spot. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and slathered on some pink lipgloss and  […]

Poppin’ Tags: A True Story About How Storytelling Saved My Butt

I have a favorite Goodwill store. I assume you all do, too. Mine is on 8th street, just East of 6th Avenue. Damn close to the Jefferson Market Library, home to my favorite clock tower. They have a really good selection of quirky items, and they’re pretty lax about enforcing their “only[…]

Great Minds

Friday, June 2nd, 2017: the day there was NO BOOZE in the house.   On Friday, I had a little bit of work to finish up from home, so I spent the rest of the day doing errands. Send invoices, replace the SodaStream tank, and BUY BOOZE.   I walked[…]

Currently… in June 2017

  FEELING:  Strangely optimistic. Last month got rough, and it felt like there was just negative energy everywhere, but maybe that was just hitting rock bottom, because I’m entering this month with the feeling like we’ve got nowhere to go but UP! . WATCHING: Lots of YouTube — I’d love recommendations[…]