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GOOD NEWS! I’m “So Emotional,” Baby!
‘Morning! Yer looking at the mysterious side-toe bruise that appeared last week and still hasn’t fully dissipated. I have no idea how to even GET a bruise in this spot. Please don’t tell me that side-toe-bruises are an ominous sign of like, a deadly disease or something. This week has been a blur…
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MoMA Alone
So I’ve long been a proponent of “dating yourself.” Like, you know, taking yourself out on dates to reinvest in your relationship with yourself? Okay, that sounds a bit bizarre and selfish and self-indulgent. Why not go with somebody else? Why do it alone? Well…. Aren’t you worth it? Why don’t you deserve to enjoy a solo lunch, or movie,…
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Paradise Lost
You know I’m #TeamCorn. Corinne Olympios was the “villain” of Nick’s season of The Bachelor. Although, in my opinion, NICK was the villain of Nick’s season of The Bachelor, but, you know, bygones. Just had a near death experience in the paper goods isle at target. It was very dramatic — Corinne olympios (@CorinneOly) May 5, 2017 I…
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Facebook Reacts That Should Exist Because I Would Like, Totally Use Them
? solemn acknowledgement react ? adorable animal react ? holding myself back from this argument for the sake of our friendship react ? pretty sure this is not factually true but I’m not gonna be the one to say something react ? wow since when did the guy I used…
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Don’t Get Pissed, But Your “Fearless Girl” Is Bullshit
I know I know, you’re already angry at my title — but what is being “fearless” if not standing up for what’s right, even if it’s unpopular? I love you all, I love Intersectional Feminism, and that is why I cannot stand by Fearless Girl. I know you’re still upset, so I’m gonna…
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Good News! We Don’t Have To “Taco”-‘Bout It
So this week was very sad. I feel like a human blister: full of tears and ready to erupt at any moment. Trying to hold shit together is really really hard, but it’s a little easier every day. Let’s be honest, pretty much all of my energy this week has been sapped just trying…
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“Bikini Bodies” Are OUT! it’s all about the “Big Floppy Hat” Body
Forget the “Bikini Body!” Bikini bodies are cancelled. Who worries about their bikini body anymore? Nobody! Not cool! Passé! Summer 2017 is all about the Big Floppy Hat Body. Yes, the “Big Floppy Hat Body!” Big Floppy Hat > Bikinis. Obviously. Why? I will tell you. Do you have a “bad hair…
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Bad Dog
All dogs go to Heaven, don’t they? If that’s true, maybe there’s a special section for Bad Dogs. Do you know what Bad Dog Heaven is like? Bad Dog Heaven is made of laps. LAPS. Laps to jump on! Laps to curl up in! Laps to stand on while swatting…
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Good News! We Are ALL All Stars
Hey! How are you? Staying cool, I hope? This week has been brutal. And before we get to World News, here’s the News with me: This week started off really great. Last weekend – Saturday – I went thrifting with my boyfriend and found a couple great dresses and a HUUUUUGE hat (you’ll see it, don’t…
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Be Safe
I tell you to “Be Safe.” You hate it. Safe is what you don’t want to be. “Safe is the enemy” of adventure. “Safe” is the last thing you want. When I tell you “be safe,” your hackles go up. You’re never going to “be safe,” are you? I tell you to “Be…
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Rei Kawakubo / Comme des Garçons “Art of the In-Between” at The Met is Actually Hilarious
So a couple weeks ago, I took myself on a trip to The Met to see the Rei Kawakubo / Comme des Garçons “Art of the In-Between” exhibit. I went in with zero expectations and I did zero research. I knew less than nothing about Rei Kawakubo going in, but I always enjoy the fashion exhibit.…
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Re-Discovering Threadbanger: One Of My Oldest, Newest YouTube Favorites
I first “met” Threadbanger in 2008. I’d just moved to New York City, but I lived wayyy out in Forest Hills, Queens. Four days out of the week, I worked a really demanding, soul-killing job. When I came home, I was pretty isolated and depressed and had little to distract me aside from an…
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We NEED To Have A Potty Talk
Hi, strangers. We need to have a talk about potty training. Not for kids… for adults. For YOU. I would say, seven times out of ten, I walk into a Manhattan public restroom and find piss everywhere. More than just a few sprinkled. More than the errant drip. Much more than a forgivable “there was…
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True Instagram Stories: The First and Only Time I Have Ever Locked Myself Out Of The House
This is why you should follow me on Instagram. The End.
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Good News! We Can Peel Our OWN Oranges!
Well hello, again! It’s another weekly roundup of GOOD NEWS. Funny pictures and happy-making news items to stuff in your eye sockets when everything else on the Internet seems hopeless and depressing.We begin, as we most often do, with a personal update. Because you love meeeeeee, that’s why you’re here! First up, I bet…
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After “Before He Cheats”
Ext. Honkey-tonk dive bar. HE and SHE exit together, entwined. SHE is visibly tipsy and stumbling over the sidewalk, but she falls when HE drops her to the ground in shock. HE: What the hell? MY CAR! SHE: OOF! Where’s yer car hon? OH SHIT. HE: That bitch trashed my car!! SHE: Who trashed your car??…
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I Feel Pretty, Or Maybe Not
After cooking dinner for my grandma and sipping on rosé, we (my mother, my grandma, and I) rushed from the table to meet my aunt, uncle, and cousins at our favorite mini golf spot. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and slathered on some pink lipgloss and who knows? Maybe it was…
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Poppin’ Tags: A True Story About How Storytelling Saved My Butt
I have a favorite Goodwill store. I assume you all do, too. Mine is on 8th street, just East of 6th Avenue. Damn close to the Jefferson Market Library, home to my favorite clock tower. They have a really good selection of quirky items, and they’re pretty lax about enforcing their “only 3 items in the dressing…
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Great Minds
Friday, June 2nd, 2017: the day there was NO BOOZE in the house. On Friday, I had a little bit of work to finish up from home, so I spent the rest of the day doing errands. Send invoices, replace the SodaStream tank, and BUY BOOZE. I walked over to my favorite liquor…
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Currently… in June 2017
FEELING: Strangely optimistic. Last month got rough, and it felt like there was just negative energy everywhere, but maybe that was just hitting rock bottom, because I’m entering this month with the feeling like we’ve got nowhere to go but UP! . WATCHING: Lots of YouTube — I’d love recommendations on vloggers who aren’t cookie-cutter…