“Bikini Bodies” Are OUT! it’s all about the “Big Floppy Hat” Body

 

Forget the “Bikini Body!” Bikini bodies are cancelled. Who worries about their bikini body anymore? Nobody! Not cool! Passé!

 

Summer 2017 is all about the Big Floppy Hat Body. Yes, the “Big Floppy Hat Body!” Big Floppy Hat > Bikinis. Obviously. Why? I will tell you.

 

  1. Do you have a “bad hair day”? I can’t tell! Do you even HAVE hair? Do you not have hair? Do you morally object to the concept of hair? What is hair? DOESN’T MATTER! The BFH (Big Floppy Hat tbh) has got you covered. LITERALLY, bitch!

 

 

2. Never hear catcalls again!
What was that? Did somebody just call me “mommy” and ask me where I was going?
This hat covers my ears so I can’t hear yoooooou

And if you chase me down the street screaming
“What? You got nothing to say to me, stuck up BITCH?!”
I can whip my big-ass hat around and say
“I beg your paaaaaaaaardon?” all polite. “my hat covers my ears, did you say something?”
and now who looks like the asshole? You do, asshole.

Thaaaaaaanks, BFH!

 

3. Are you still struggling on your body acceptance journey?
Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in store windows and your entire self-esteem comes crashing down around your ears?

Big Floppy Hat acts as blinders to your critical, peripheral eye!

 

 

4. Big Floppy Hat protect your face from the sun.

Safe Sun is Fun Sun!

 

 

5.  Big Floppy Hat always fits right, no matter what
Gained 5 pounds since last summer?
Still fits.
Lost some weight?
Still fits.
Period bloat?
FITS.
Are you now pregnant?
Sorry, Big Floppy Hat doesn’t come in maternity sizes.
BECAUSE IT ALWAYS FITS!

 

4 thoughts on ““Bikini Bodies” Are OUT! it’s all about the “Big Floppy Hat” Body

    1. It’s so huge and heavy that it doesn’t stand a chance of flying away in the wind – more likely it will just slap me in the cheeks with that big brim!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.