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Fifty Shades of Green
Since apparently the surest course to fame is erotic fan fiction, I have decided to tackle the subject myself. And you, my loyal blog followers, get to have the first preview. Enjoy. Fifty Shades of Green Chapter Three – Argh! My eyes widened in fear, my breath caught in my breast. “I…I could never…” I…
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True Life: Bad Haircut
There are worse things in life. Far, far worse. But maybe the stress of juggling jobs, eating too many meatless corn dogs and too much Speculoos, and PMS made me go a little crazy today… While getting a trim, I tried to communicate what I wanted to the stylist and I guess I did a…
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You Can’t Go Home Again
It’s been more than a year since I was last in Forest Hills! More than a year since I last lived in the house above, and boy has it changed. New stoop, new roof, no bushes out front. From the outside, it was unrecognizable. Which made me really sad. The whole town was different. New…
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April Fool’s!
Well, I feel pretty April Fooled. Trying to buy a single roll of toilet paper (!) at Duane Reade, my card was declined. Twice. And the guy looks at me like I’m insane, not having the 99 cents for toilet paper. Uh, turns out my debit card expired. April Fool’s! Then I try to pick…
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I Kilt You Not
This guy is not just a triple threat, he’s a quadruple threat – singing, dancing, harp-playing AND kilt-wearing. He played Rihanna’s “We Found Love” and I just about died. And then he danced a jubilant dance for us. Pure bliss!!
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All You Single Ladies!
Attention, “Females”! Don’t despair in being single and lonely! Come to New York City, where “maybe romance” is just around the corner! Well-adjusted men with not just one, but TWO telephone numbers are waiting to meet YOU for “one nite stands” at such classy cultural establishments as “the library,” “bookstore,” and “a cigarette meet date”!!!…
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Well Whaddaya Say, Pilgrim?
Here’s an awkward moment I’m pretty sure most normal humans don’t encounter at their “normal” jobs: When the John Wayne impersonator strides up to you, starts doling out etiquette lessons, draws a self-portrait, and asks what your favourite movie of his is. I like The Quiet Man.
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Don’t Touch The Trees!
I love these trees! Yesterday I had to photograph every. single. tree. that we saw around town. You think a tree grows in Brooklyn? You should see all the fancy trees we had in Manhattan! It reminded me of a similar time when my love of trees almost resulted in violence… ~crazy flashback music!~ One…
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Being Barbie
People give Barbie a lot of flack. People say she is a bad role model for children. People don’t typically have a sense of humor about things. They like to say, “What if Barbie was a real person?” Source: seb098.blogspot.com via Allison on Pinterest Well, if Barbie was a real person, she’d probably be called…
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Reunited and it Feels So Good?
It’s coming up! That day you plan outfits for all your life. The time you look forward to since you’re a little girl in school. The big day you plan to emerge from your chrysalis and take on the scene as a grown woman and all eyes will be on you. This spring will be…
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Weekend Brunch, Awkward Edition
“Hey dude! Sorry I’m late, man. How are you?” “Oh, not so good, man. She left me, dude.” “What? Dude, no way. Man, that’s BULL.” “Duuuuuude….too soon.”
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Dress Yourself
Question: How old were you when you learned to dress yourself? You probably don’t even remember, because you were so young! I know I had a “Dressy Bessy” doll to teach me how to button buttons, snap snaps, lace laces, zipper zippers…uh…you get the idea. Arms over the head, shirt on. Pants, one leg at…
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Takin’ It To The Seats
There is an epidemic of rudeness on the A train whereby people – hell, MEN – take up more than one seat by deliberately spreading their legs apart. This is just NOT OKAY. Some of them may not be aware that they are doing it, while others…well, they must relish in being enormous jerks. Like…
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Beat Poetry, OR the Ravings of an Unstable Lunatic?
Endless coverup of the Ponzi scheme Look at this white trash prostitute putting on airs. Welcome to the Ponzi scheme Carrot cake Carrot cake for your girlfriend Gail And Susan and Ellen and the whole coven of white trash prostitutes. Ponzi scheme Source If you guessed “Ravings”, you’d be 100% correct!!!
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Brooklyn, You’re OK
“I like the island Manhattan Smoke in your pipe and put that in!” – Stephen Sondheim, West Side Story (cut him some slack, there’s not a lot that rhymes with Manhattan, okay?) If you know me at all, you know the disdain I have for Brooklyn. Not PEOPLE FROM Brooklyn. Remember, I was a bridge-and-tunnel…
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Remember the time I got hit on by a cop?
You may think it ironic, seeing as how i love Law & Order so much, but i have a deep fear and loathing of cops. It’s not personal, i’ve just never had a good conversation with a cop before! Also, my somewhat anarchist tendencies leave me with mistrust for authority. So there I am with…
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Mystery Solved
If you follow this blog, chances are you know me in person, and if you know me in person, you probably know about my building’s water “situation.” As in, sometimes there’s water, sometimes it’s brown, sometimes it’s ice cold and sometimes it’s clear and runs both hot and cold. But not too often on that…
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Not Feeling Great Today…
…but this will TOTALLY help.
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Laundry Day
One of the chores I used to love was laundry. It was so simple! Throw some soap and dirty clothes into a washing machine, walk away. Move it to the dryer, walk away. Presto, change-o, after a little while you have a battalion of sweet-smelling, clean clothes at your disposal once again! If chores were…