Special Delivery

Hiya, Internet!  Didja miss me?

It’s been one month of radio silence from me except for the random here-and-there phone post.  Shudder!  I finally received my charge cord in the mail from the UPS!  Here’s a funny thing about the UPS:  they claim to be a delivery service, but they don’t ACTUALLY deliver packages.

On Friday, August 18th, I was expecting my computer cord, vital to use of said computer, to be delivered at 10:00am.  I waited in the apartment until noon, and figured it was delayed.  I went downstairs to find that the UPS man HAD COME, but instead of ringing my doorbell, in an attempt to deliver my package, he decided to go halfway and just put a note that said he missed me:

I’m touched that you “miss me,” dude, but could your finger have moved five inches to the right to buzz my buzzer?

One week later, same thing.  I paid $6 to schedule a specific delivery for…anytime on Friday?  They claim you can get deliveries on “your schedule,” but what they really mean is, “We’ll give you a day when we MAY stop by and if you’re really quiet and sit on your front porch you might flag us down like a taxi, then you must fight the driver to receive your package.”  Because after waiting from 10:00am to 5:00pm – the only window of time for package delivery, so I hope you don’t have a job or anything, or you’ll never get a package EVER! – I found YET ANOTHER “Sorry we missed you” note.

This was ridiculous.  How hard is it to ring the buzzer?  RING THE BUZZER!  It’s a button.  People LOVE pushing buttons!  JUST PUSH IT, and then you can give me my package!

I called up IRATE and attempted to have them deliver it on Monday to my flatmate’s office.  The woman on the phone was not amused by my clever and angry rant:

“You people are so damn inefficient, it’s preposterous to call yourself a “delivery company” if the one thing you seem incapable of doing is actually making deliveries!  SANTA CLAUS is imaginary, but he still manages to deliver more packages than you!  What do I have to do to get my package, sit on my stoop all day with my head in my hands trusting that if I’ve been truly, truly faithful, the Great Pumpkin would fly overhead and bestow upon me the package that I paid you to deliver – TWICE?!?

She was not amused.
Maybe that’s why my package didn’t come on Monday, as promised.
Or Tuesday, for that matter.
Finally, on Wednesday at 2:23pm, my flatmate texted me “Just got your package.”  Barely in time for the holiday weekend, and one week and a half later, my package ACTUALLY ARRIVED in the hands of someone capable of delivering it to me and the painful, painful irony is that

my package would have easily fit into my mailbox.

So warning to all of you:  If you’re sending to Manhattan, NEVER USE UPS.  Their delivery men are incompetent on a level I can’t even begin to understand, and their customer service was rude and unhelpful 75% of the time.

Breathe, relax, shake, and let it go.
It’s good to be back.
What did I miss?

6 thoughts on “Special Delivery

  1. Oh wow, those are some truly incompetent deliverymen. I'm glad that you finally received your charge cord. Maybe you should put a note on your buzzer that says "push button to receive free cake" and then hope that the deliverymen like cake.

  2. Ugh. I hate UPS. I constantly battle them on the very same issue. Seriously, my sofa & computer are less than 10 feet from my front door, there is no way I could miss them… you can even hear people knocking if youre in the bathroom. And yet every other time I have something delivered by them, they muck it up and I have to go pick it up at their main office. Such a crock of shit.

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