How To Meet an Internet Date

1.  Be first to arrive.  That way your date has to pick you out of the crowd, not the other way around.  You don’t want to be the asshole trying to peer behind every individual’s sunglasses to divine if that is the stranger you are meeting. 
2.  Don’t pull any punches on your appearance.  No hats, no sunglasses, no new haircut.  No incognito bullshit.  Or you’ll be sitting at that fountain for a damn long time, waiting to be recognized.  Now is not the time to blend in, Carmen Sandiego.

Swaddling self in Tom Baker scarf:  good idea?  Bad idea?

3.  In fact, dress boldly.  Bright colors, loud prints, big chest tattoo.  That way if the dumbass can’t find you, or god forbid you’re running late, you can shoot a text saying “running towards you in my red taffeta ball gown!”
4.  Don’t meet in a restaurant.  That should be self-explanatory.  Picture the dialogue with the hostess/maitre’d:

“I’m meeting someone here.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know yet.”

5.  Have plenty of cell phone battery so you can look cool and busy while waiting.  Bonus points if you can actually be texting someone during this time.  Even if it’s a text to your gay best friend asking him to (once again) text you in half an hour in case it’s going badly.
6.  Look approachable!  Have amazing posture, be smiling down at your phone, NO HEADPHONES.  Cuz you’re trying to be approached, remember?

2 thoughts on “How To Meet an Internet Date

  1. Meeting point for our first date was "outside the gate of the Bamberg base". I have seen a grainy profile picture of him, and he was SO much cuter than he looked in the picture. Since he was the only guy waiting outside the gate in a way too thin jacket for November in Germany (freshly shipped in from Hawaii), it could have only been him.. It's going to be 8 years this November!!

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