Pockets in Pajamas

  People, we have a lot of fun on this blog. But now, I need to address a serious issue.   We need pockets. In pajamas. And we need them. Yesterday.   Well, specifically, we need them a month ago. It was around a month ago when I was doing laundry in my pajamas…[…]

Sometimes, Living With Roommates Can Be… Shitty

  I would like to tell you that this is the story of the time I almost pooped in a shoebox, but that wouldn’t be the whole truth. Because the truth is that I almost pooped in a shoebox on multiple occassions.    So I live in a 4br/1ba loft in Brooklyn with 3 other[…]

The “Name Shame” Game

  One of my biggest pet peeves — and one of yours, too, probably — is when people make fun of other peoples’ names. Consider this blog post the antithesis of all the blog posts like this one out there that, I guess, just want to rain on parents’ parades for naming[…]

NOT THE FACE

    I hate a LOT of things. Fascism. Bacon. That thing where you have to poop really badly but your roommate is in the bathroom and then you hear the shower turn on?   Eeeeeuuuuuuuurrgghhhhh.   But there is ONE THING that I hate more than ANYTHING ELSE in[…]

Venting About MetroCard Vending

  So, over the weekend, MetroCard machines all across the city are getting a software upgrade. For six hours, in the middle of the night, you won’t be able to use a credit or debit card to buy or refill your MetroCard! EEEK! Yeah, you’re probably like, “Who cares?” but[…]

It’s Getting Hot In Here

  I said aloud, to the clouds: “So THIS is how it’s gonna be from now on, HUH?”   I’m talking, of course, about WINTER. Winter in NYC is funny. As I’ve often said before, it’s summer until it’s winter, and then a switch is FLIPPED. It could be warm[…]

Let Go of the “Bucket List”

  Here’s a pet peeve of mine that annoys me to no end:   The phrase “bucket list.”   No, it definitely does not mean what you think it means.   The term “bucket list” is actually only ten years old, and it comes from the 2007 film The Bucket List. A bucket list, definitionally, is[…]

This Is Why It Takes Forever To Walk Anywhere In The City In The Rain

  UMBRELLAS. It’s because everyone is carrying umbrellas.   A normal sidewalk is like a stream, and its pedestrians like fish. Foot traffic hinges on the ability of walkers to blithely slither past each other, faster fish weaving and bobbing through schools of slower fish.   Umbrellas, though.   A[…]

We NEED To Have A Potty Talk

  Hi, strangers. We need to have a talk about potty training. Not for kids… for adults. For YOU.     I would say, seven times out of ten, I walk into a Manhattan public restroom and find piss everywhere. More than just a few sprinkled. More than the errant drip. Much[…]

Words and Phrases That Make Me Vomit In My Mouth

  Why does everyone hate on “moist” so much? I have no problem with “moist” — the first image it drums up is the gleaming laminated cardboard of a Betty Crocker boxed cake mix, “Double Moist Funfetti Cake.” Mmm, moist. Sadly, I have sworn off the gluten because it makes[…]