Roommates Are Basically The Same Thing As Poltergeists




Okay, “love” is a strong word. I definitely prefer my roommates over most other roommates I’ve ever had in my adult life. Do I wish I wasn’t forced to consider crapping in a Tupperware on a weekly basis? Sure. Nobody’s perfect! I’m sure there’s an entire subreddit devoted to roommate horror stories, but I can’t bring myself to read it. I’ve had bad roommates. I mean, none who’ve put clam dip in my moisturizer and stuck my toothbrush up their bum, but I’ve had my share of filthy shared kitchens (have I ever told you my “maggot rice” story??). Well, my current roommates are great!




I couldn’t help but wonder… what if my roommates were all ghosts? I mean, I’m pretty sure they’re not (pretty sure?) but what if they are though?? Many of the signs of paranormal activity are not unlike the signs of having a haunting. BEHOLD, my arguments:


doors slamming

A classic sign of paranormal activity is the ol’ slamming doors. Not that my roommates slam doors! More like, you don’t know someone’s home unless you hear their door open, or the bathroom door shut. And sometimes, out of the blue, even the front door will shut! If I didn’t know I had roommates, I’d think it was a poltergeist, tugging on my squeaky door-hinges and letting the deadbolt slam-jangle all over the place! But nah… it’s just my roommates moving about … unless it’s ghosts!!!


objects moving

Familiar objects being moved around, or furniture being rearranged, is another good indicator that you’re dealing with a ghost. The food in the refrigerator is constantly being re-shuffled. Would a ghost hide your mayonnaise behind their leftovers? Maybe. Maybe. I never know when I’ll come home and find something random in the living room, or a pile of dishes in the sink. Sure, this could be a mere coincidence of sharing a living space with other “living” humans … or it could be a ghost!!!


unexplained odors

One paranormal concept I’ve recently become familiar with is phantom scents, though these are more typically common in cases of residual hauntings. One thing that is certain: I can’t stand the smell of bacon. To me, it’s less of a haunting and more of a curse when, out of nowhere, I open my bedroom door and a get hit in the face with a blast of bacon smell from the kitchen! Look, it’s not anyone’s fault! I can’t be terribly upset! Sometimes, the smells are perfectly lovely! Sometimes, somebody’s food goes off in the refrigerator and the whole kitchen reeks. It’s a perfectly normal aspect of living with people … or living with ghosts!!!


There’s absolutely no way to know for sure. Contact with the spectres has been rare, and fleeting. It’s almost impossible to know a ghost’s — or a roommate’s — true intentions. Do they mean you harm? Or are they a friendly ghost? Moreover, can I trust what I’m seeing when I see my roommates? Or am I, in fact, a powerful clairvoyant who’s scored an amazing deal on rent? We may never know for sure.


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