GOOD NEWS! You Don’t Have To Hit Those Gross “Black Friday” Sales Today to Get All Your Christmas Shopping Done!!!


True Story: I did the “Black Friday” thing once…like, ten years ago. I think it was 2006 or 2007. Woke up at 4am, went to Sam’s Club and Joanne Fabrics with mah besties. Ate a lot of granola bars standing in lines. Oh, I also worked Black Friday Weekend at Target in 2003. I remember arriving to work at the late, late hour of 5:45 to a line of shoppers already standing outside. Still, I think my experiences from over a decade ago are tame, compared to the scary-as-fuck shitshow that Black Friday has become.

Speaking of scary-as-fuck shitshows, this month has been pretty fucked up, huh? Donald Trump claimed victory in the presidential race?* Nazis and swastikas everywhere? Can’t trust the media?

When you think about buying presents for your loved ones this Christmas, you might feel like I do: “Isn’t this gift kind of frivolous in the face of what’s going on in The Big Picture?”

Well, here’s the GOOD NEWS! You don’t have to leave your house to give meaningful, thoughtful gifts to your loved ones this year! Gifts that will actually do some good for the world! I’m talkin’ bout making donations to worthwhile causes in their name!

Because who really needs more stuff? I sure as shit don’t. Don’t even have the room for it! You know what my Christmas wish is? That I had the financial means to donate to some of these causes, to help further the cause of peace and justice for all of us. Hint hint, guys, this is my Christmas Wish List this year!

Planned Parenthood


The Trevor Project


The Anti-Defamation League


NARAL Pro-Choice America

Sylvia Rivera Law Project


National Immigration Law Center

Southern Poverty Law Center

Council on American-Islamic Relations


Disability Rights Education & Defense Fund (DREDF)

Emily’s List

Lambda Legal

Sacred Stone Camp’s GoFundMe Page (at Standing Rock)

If you’re like me, the only thing you want for Christmas is security and peace of mind. Donating to the causes that will stick up for us in the face of the new fascist regime may not be as instantly gratifying as, say, a fluffy pair of socks or a Fresh Balsam scented candle (my all-time favourite Christmas gifts BTW, like OMG), but it will mean a whole helluva lot when these groups have the power to fight for us come 2017. I mean, that’s all want for Christmas.

That, and a big lock. For Obama. To put on the White House doors, to shut them forever and keep them shut until 2020, when we can have a do-over and pretend 2016 never happened. Merry Christmas, and happy Black Friday, everyone!


*it should be noted that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by a margin of over 1.7 million votes at time of publishing, therefore, Donald Trump merely claimed victory. He did not win.


One response to “GOOD NEWS! You Don’t Have To Hit Those Gross “Black Friday” Sales Today to Get All Your Christmas Shopping Done!!!”

  1. […] if you’re still ending 2016 on a blue note, donating to any of these worthy causes will instantly boost your mood. I promise. I donated a small amount to Planned Parenthood right after the election, and I hope to […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.