From the moment she saw me like this, her face crumpled into a grimace of disgust. Whispering tersely into her companion’s ear while glaring at me, they inched through the crowded train to be further away from me. She had seen the bandage covering the second half of my fresh tattoo, and she wanted nothing…
Tag: subway misadventures
Ain’t That Some Shit
Ahhh, the MTA. Ain’t that some shit for your Monday morning commute.
Summer Lovin’
You know what totally doesn’t conduct unnecessary heat? Black plastic bandages. SARCASM! Summer in New York City can be…less than pleasant to most. That’s why there’s the cliche of the locals fleeing to the Hamptons. Those with the means literally head for the hill. Ain’t ya never seen The Seven Year Itch? Poor dude abandoned…
Headphones In
In New York City, there is an accepted decorum for addressing someone on the train when they have their headphones in: YOU DON’T. There are exceptions, of course: 1. If they dropped something important and haven’t noticed: a large wad of cash, their iPhone, their baby. Anything else, LEAVE THEM ALONE. 2. If you are…
The Key To Hitting It Off With Strangers
Crowded 1 Train, headphones in. Trying my best to squish into an impossibly tiny space while carrying armloads of groceries, keys in hand. A stranger taps me on the shoulder. “So nice to meet another Doctor Who fan!” Earphones come out. The older gentleman and I launch into an extensive conversation about the new direction…
New York Doesn’t Heart You Back
My first response upon seeing this headline: Went a little something like this: In case you didn’t know this from reading my blog, tourists are awful, awful people. They treat locals rudely, and treat the city like Disneyland. Excuse me, but this is a real-life place, not some made-up Narnia. Stopping in the middle of…
Parking Lot
I admit, I gripe a lot about the subway on here. The subway and I have a love/hate thing going on. I love the idea of getting in a tunnel and, minutes later, being MILES away. At it’s best, it is fast, whimsical, orderly, and friendly. LIKE ME. At other times, like when you’re trying…
Beyond Belief
Today’s Scintilla Project prompt (I can’t believe it’s almost over waaaah!) is to write about something incredible and unbelievable. Sorry to say, I always do and always have. If you want, you can re-read about: …the time I pulled at the laundromat : “Thirty minutes later, the laundry owner approached me with the…
Pedophobe
The way I understand it, babies are sacks of goo that can erupt at any moment. That’s why we swaddle them in diapers, plug them with pacifiers and suction their noses with tiny little turkey baster things. No offense intended, I’m sure your sack of goo is just delightful. He/she may very well have a…
How To Meet Cute Boys On The Subway
Step One: Follow him onto the train like the scent of a pie cooling on a windowsill. Situate yourself where you have a perfect view. Step Two: Stare. Drool. Step Three: Silently will them to look up at you. Bore your eyes into the side of their head until your gaze becomes palpable to him…
Don’t Try to Copy My Swagga
Dear Sir, I appreciate your look. Belted cinched fur coat, dirty Chuck Taylors, slouchy disaffected glare. I liked it even better when I WORE IT FIRST. Thanks ever so. Love, The Original Fierce Gangsta
Do The Right Thing
I think I have a bit of a “Hero Complex.” Last week at work, near closing time, a young teenaged girl approached me with wet eyelashes and red nose, asking if anyone had turned in a white iPhone. Instead of just telling her “no, none such phone has been turned in,” I led her around…