Bon Mots from the Crazy Guy on the Train


“There are two reasons I don’t drink from the toilet anymore:  Number One, and Number Two.”

“I can’t stand sitting and I can’t sit standing.”

“I have good news and bad news for you.”
“What is it, doctor?”
“The bad news is, you have three months to live.”
“What’s the good news?”
“The good news is, you have Alzheimer’s.  Go home and forget about it.”
“I have good news and bad news for you.”
“What is it, doctor?”
“The bad news is, you have 48 hours to live.”
“What’s the good news?”
“The good news is, you should receive our bill in about three days.”
Three men are sitting in a hospital waiting room, and a doctor comes in.
“Mr. Lifschitz!  Fantastic news!  Your wife just had twins!”
“What a coincidence!  I work for Doublemint!”
Another doctor comes in.
“Mr. Green, your wife just had triplets!”
“What a coincidence!  I work for 3M!”
The other men gets up and starts running out of the room.
“I’m getting out of here!  I work for 7-Up!”

3 thoughts on “Bon Mots from the Crazy Guy on the Train

  1. After Mr. Jones' check-up, Doctor takes Mrs. Jones aside, and tells her that her husband is very ill. "Unless you wait on him hand and foot, make sure that he never wants for anything, pamper and cater to his every need, he is going to die soon."

    On the ride home, Mr. Jones asks what the Doctor had to say. Mrs. Jones quickly replies, "Sorry, hon. He says you're gonna die."

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