2019 Resolution: Get Out More!

I had a whim today. Well, really, it was because I saw this Time Out New York article on my Facebook timeline: talkin’ bout the 50 places you should visit in New York City. I’ll get the waiting out of the way: I’ve been to 33/50 of them. Not bad![…]

The Angriest L Train Interaction I Have Ever Seen

With the possibility that the L train WON’T be shutting down, it’s got me thinking. A lot of people are happy. A lot of people are angry. A lot of people are ambivalent. There’s a lot of people in New York City, and they all have feelings! Most of them —which is a lot of[…]

My Very First Visit To TIMES SQUARE

Ok so FIRST OF ALL, this story takes place a looooong time ago. Like, 2005, probably. 14 years ago. That’s one entire Tweenage Disney Channel Sitcom Star ago. My first boyfriend — in college — because Late Bloomers Gonna Bloom Late — grew up in New York City. My first[…]

The L Train Is SAVED!! Maybe.

We’ve been dreading it. Planning around it. Making forced gallows-humor jokes about it. And now… Well, in a bizarrely unilateral move, Gov. (ptooey!) Cuomo announced that there would be no L train shutdown.  Couldn’t have said it any better myself, cryptically ominous subway tile graffiti. In a totally “everything means nothing” move, that bitter pill[…]

Where I’m Coming From

  After ten years, I can call New York my “home town.” Those are the rules. Read ’em & weep, suckers.   But the place where I lived for most of my life — the town I grew up in — will always have a special place in my heart.[…]

Top 5 NYC Neighborhoods I Have Lived In

  Ten years in New York! This photo was taken a little over a month after I moved here and thus, began the longest and most fulfilling relationship of my life —   HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!   But I haven’t exactly stayed put all this[…]

After A Decade Of New York, You Will…

  Today is my 10-year anniversary of moving to New York City.   You probably know me as someone who talks a lot. HA! I do. But reflecting on this momentous occasion, and what it means to me, I’m actually at a loss for words. I can’t seem to form[…]

Gluteny Foods That I Would Eat If I Could, But I Can’t, So I Don’t

  So the other day, my BGFF told me that she saw gluten digestive aid for sale. Like, pills that would help me digest gluten! Do these work? Can it be true? Yours Truly is very nearly having a B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y, and when she blows out the candles, she’ll be wishing that it does work. That maybe,[…]

Ass To Plastic

  It’s 87º — do you know where your ass is? If you’re one of the literally millions of commuters aboard the NYC MTA, chances are, your sweaty upper thighs and gluteus maximuses are sticking right to the plastic seats aboard your chosen train. That’s right. It’s ASS TO PLASTIC SEASON.     The phenomenon known[…]

Squeaky Shoes

  The skill that has taken me the longest to hone, and the skill that has served me the best in my everyday life, is the ability to squeak my shoes.   Yes, I have finally mastered the gentle scuff of my Converse against nearly any ground-type surface that elicits[…]

Take My Breath Away, Dahn Vo! at The Guggenheim

  COOL STORY BRO: Four years ago, during my second season giving ghost tours in Lower Manhattan, City Hall Park was overtaken by an installation by Dahn (pronounced “Yon,” I googled it) Vo, called “We The People.” Click the link! Did you click it? So basically, it was life-sized CHUNKS[…]

GOOD NEWS! I *FINALLY* Touched Up My Roots!!!

  So this week was a week off from the studio, and I made myself to-do lists EVERY DAY. At the top of the list was TOUCH UP MY ROOTS. They were getting to be like 2.5 inches long, and it wasn’t the BEST touch-up job (can we say, “polka[…]

Missed Connection (???)

  Have you ever posted a “missed connection”? Have you ever read the “missed connections”? Have you ever missed a connection?   I confess to you, I may have fucked up and missed one, myself.   It was A LONG time ago. Like, the last week of February. It was that one[…]

GOOD NEWS! Congrats to the WINNER of ALL STARS 3!!!

  Hello hello hello!!!   I am *not* revealing (Ru-vealing?) any spoilers, I am just going to say that I was VERY PLEASED with the outcome of All Stars 3, even if I had to pause the episode four minutes and fourteen seconds before the end to take an Anxiety Shit before[…]

😈 Hail, Satan? 😈

  Last Monday, I was in Times Square… THREE TIMES IN ONE DAY.   Just so you get the FULL HORROR of this, I rode from:   Bushwick –> Times Square Times Square –> Ridgewood Ridgewood –> Times Square Times Square –> Ridgewood (Ridgewood –> Bushwick) Bushwick –> Times Square[…]

Venting About MetroCard Vending

  So, over the weekend, MetroCard machines all across the city are getting a software upgrade. For six hours, in the middle of the night, you won’t be able to use a credit or debit card to buy or refill your MetroCard! EEEK! Yeah, you’re probably like, “Who cares?” but[…]

🔥 Don’t Be Alarmed… 🔥

  It is a scientific FACT (probably) — that at any given hour of any given day, in any given neighborhood of New York City, there will be an alarm going off. And any given New Yorker will promptly respond to any given alarm with… annoyance. NOT “alarm.”   Sirens,[…]