True Life: I’m Becoming a Narwhal

Let’s play an awesome game.  It’s called,
What Is Eating Me Alive???

Is it:

1.  A spider

2.  Mosquitos

3.  Fleas

4.  Mysterious blood-sucking fruit flies?

Or is it possible that I’m merely sprouting a magical horn from my forehead that, when ground into a poultice, will cure diseases?

And the questions just keep coming.

What does one put onto bug bites to make them disappear immediately?
And most importantly of all, can I pull off this bangs-to-the-side look?