JULY
Living With Roommates vs. A SigOth (7/9/15):
“When you live with a roommate, you are a constant thorn in their side. Your dishes. Your dirty tennis shoes. Your noisy breathing! To your roommate, you are a necessary evil they literally must live with because they can’t afford the rent on their own.”
If I Dated Fozzie Bear… (7/15/15): “Why date Fozzie Bear, you ask? Well, Kermit is unavailable, Gonzo is too desperate, Rowlf is clearly married to his career. And Doctor Teeth & Electric Mayhem? I’ve dated enough “musicians” (read: one) to know that’s a bad idea.”
Book Challenge (7/23/15): “Short
on words but long on controversy, eerily silent Waldo attempts to blend
in to large crowds for the purpose of secretly carrying out obscene and
possibly violent acts in public.”
31 (7/31/15): “Believe it or not, I’m excited to be 31. I don’t even feel this old. I mean, granted, I get winded climbing a flight of stairs…”
AUGUST
Greetings and Salutations (8/5/15): “A simple, “Hello, nice to meet you,” can appear cold and frigid. People often want more. They want bodily contact. Skin against skin, the warmth of human flesh! Already! And we’ve only just met!”
Don’t Let Them See You Wash Your Face (8/13/15): “You’re
squinting your eyes shut because you live in fear of accidentally
getting a St. Ives apricot sty again like that one time in 2011 when you
thought you might be blinded for life. You’re puffing your cheeks out
and jutting your chin up and ugh. Nobody wants to see that.”
A Gentleman’s Guide to Street Harassment (8/20/15): “Men hitting on other people’s girlfriends! Don’t
they realize those women are already the property of some other man?! How rude! Honestly! That is so disrespectful…to their boyfriends!”
SEPTEMBER
COCONUT + RUM + POLAROID (9/10/15):
“As
slowly and ritualistically as possible, they hacked the top off a
coconut … and handed us to sip it. After we
tasted the cool, slimy freshness, they topped it off with rum and
inserted a straw. “Now be careful with this,” they cautioned, raising the camera…”
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dust Storms (9/22/15): “The
dust is rather amazing. When it’s flying around at night, it can feel
like a snowstorm: it smells vaguely like the smoke of a distant
chimney, and looks pure white swirling around reflected in your
headlamp. Add that to the desert cold of night and the crunch under
your shoes, and it can feel like a blizzard!”
The Hyde Amendment (9/23/15): “You see, 2015, we already took care of this shit 40 years ago…”
Stay tuned for Fourth Quarter tomorrow!
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