It’s all I’ve been talking about and it finally happened! On the last gasp of 2015, I had my long-awaited dermatology consultation! Oh, my dermatologist is the greatest. Dr. McFabulous listened to me, took a look at my scalp, and sent me on my way with three prescriptions: two for my acne (the regimen she uses herself, so that was really great) and one for psoriasis on the back of my neck!!! Ew.
I’ve yet to see drastic results, but the change is already huge. I’ve been forced (by a medical professional) to abandon the myths I’d told myself about my skin: scrub is good! The more often you wash your face, the better! Oil is the enemy! I laugh at your Clarisonic and reach for the belt sander! No pain, no gain! Gotta teach this face who’s in charge!
Apparently, this is all wrong! According to my doctor, lotion is the key! After two seconds of talking she decreed: “You have sensitive skin,” and pulled out a photocopy of a sheet with big title “HOW TO TAKE A PROPER SHOWER” at the top. Nothing like being 31 and having to be taught how to shower.
But guys, my dermatologist is fabulous. She’s already tumbled for me in a way Boy George has always promised he would, but has yet to deliver. Boy George, 0; Doctor McFabulous, 1! I almost took a point away because she failed to laugh at this exchange:
ME: …sometimes I get a pimple so big, I have to take an aspirin to stop the throbbing.
Doctor McFabulous, M.D.: Mmm-hmmm.
ME: …and sometimes they’re so big, I have trouble talking and moving my jaw!
Dr. McF, MD: Well, if that happens, there are fast fixes…
ME: O RLY like what?
Dr. McF, MD: We could inject it with a steroid…
ME: tell me more…
Dr. McF, MD: …but you don’t want to do that.
ME: Oh no? Why not?
Dr. McF, MD: there can sometimes be negative consequences…
ME: …like after injection, my pimple slaps his girlfriend in a silly argument and turns up later crying in the locker room when he misses JV wrestling practice because he doesn’t understand the monster he has become?
Dr. McF, MD: No, that doesn’t happen.
ME: (pause.) It’s a joke about after-school specials. In the joke, my pimple has ‘roid rage.
Dr. McF, MD: Oh! That’s funny. No. That doesn’t happen.
ME: No, but I might tell that joke anyway.
Dr. McF, MD: If you do, give me partial credit.
I’ll make a deal with you, Doctor McFabulous. If these acne treatments work, I’ll give you FULL credit for my Pimple With ‘Roid Rage joke. IF they work.
Which brings me to: dun da dun! The biggest change of all: letting go and trusting. Hello, trusting! I’m putting things on my face that I would have shuddered to do a week ago, moisturizers and gentle cleansers and no scrubs! You hear that! No Scrubs, just TLC. Ugh! I don’t know how to deal. It feels all wrong to me, but I have to trust my doctor and take the leap. Healing and trusting! Who the hell have I become???
Well, if this treatment works, I can’t wait to find out!