Open Letter to Cosmopolitan UK – Let Me Introduce You To A Blogger

Look, CosmoUK!  A Blogger, drinking coffee!  Woah woah wait, call off the hounds, I only wanna talk to you.

Okay so by now we all know what you, Cosmopolitan UK, said about bloggers, there’s no need for me to even link to the article to give it more pageviews. 

Maybe there are shocking cultural differences between blogs here in America and blogging in the UK – in fact, I’m sure there are – but nothing in this article made any sense to me.  Have you, CosmoUK, ever seen a blog?  Or are you just scared that the grassroots creativity and talent behind these blogs is beginning to eclipse your once monolithic presence  as the most trusted source for all things beauty advice, personal essay, fashion spreads, and sassy girl fun?

Oh Cosmo, the world is changing.  You’re scared of being irrelevent.  So you do what any (Donald Trump) would do:  launch an exhaustive smear campaign against the people who are making you irrelevent.  What’s the saddest part of this whole ordeal?

As a blogger of six plus years, I can deal with someone not liking me.  I’m not in this industry to “[try] desperately hard to impress” anyone, your words.  Holla at me, ex-Cosmo-girls turned bloggers if YOU grew up reading the glossy, fun magazine and dreamed of being a beauty editor.  Or crafting your own fashion spreads.  Maybe you dreamed that other girls would reach out to you with their problems for you to offer advice!  You wanted to share your embarassing moments, your personal struggles, you wanted to learn and share more about the world around you!

You buy an IP address and start small.  Your audience grows, your writing sharpens, your friends buy you drinks because they’re so inspired.  Where is all this “free prosecco” coming from, CosmoUK?  When you figure it out, could you mail some to my house?

And while you’re at it, YES PLEASE  “WhatsApp us the link, so we can read up on our competition,” if that means what I think it means?  The whole point of blogging isn’t spewing out our inner struggles to the void, it’s the community!  Because we are decidedly not, as you depict us, back-biting shallow mean girls in a desperate race to the top where There Can Be Only One Blogger and she is the Highlander.  Bull-fucking-shit.  I know you’ve never met a blogger in your life, CosmoUK, but even the slightest bit of research (journalistic integrity?) would unearth Twitter chats, blogging circles, RTs and supportive comments from One Blogger To Another.  We – actual bloggers, wave from the gallery, HELLO! – really like each other.  We’re not shallow, petty assholes who shit on people we view as competition, CosmoUK – that’s what you just did.  The Mirror Selfie has Two Faces, bitch.

Gotta hand it – that’s pretty smart.  Pick a group of people with a lot of online influence and mock them out of their own value.  If they complain about the mistreatment, you can stand back and point to them and say “This is proof that they are shallow and frivolous and too sensitive!”  It’s a genius play, in fact, one that has been used to keep marginalized groups down for centuries.  The old “You were asking for it by doing X” move.  If you didn’t want people to make fun of you, why would you start a blog on the internet?  STOP HITTING YOURSELF, bloggers!  You asked for this attention, now you don’t want it?

CosmoUK, They ONLY – ONLY thing you got right about me was that I drink coffee.  You’re struggling.  Get some help.  Try some guest bloggers.  Maybe you’ll find out why we’re kicking your ass in pageviews and reach.  We don’t have to be enemies, CosmoUK – if blogging has taught me ANYTHING – it’s that women are best when they stick together.  I thought I learned that from your magazine a long time ago, but apparently, I had you all wrong.

Signed,

Just another coffee-drinking shallow nobody Blogger

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