Let’s face it: being an adult is hard, from your head down to your toes. You not only have to think and act like an adult, you also have to dress like one! I have been mostly successful at avoiding this until yesterday, when special circumstances warranted that I wear…grown-up shoes.
I picked a pair that I deemed “comfortable” and decided to wear them to work during the day to “break them in.” They cushioned my feet well, and were not slippery to walk in (why are women’s shoes so slippery? Are they afraid we’ll run away from the patriarchy if we can only gain traction?) and all seemed fine.
Yet, by the time I got to work, I already cut up the back of my heels! One sure sign of childhood? Band-Aids. Big ol’ “I have a boo-boo!” Band-Aids. Which now adorned BOTH my Achilles.
Once I was properly mummified, however, I managed to last the day at school. My next problem with grown-up shoes occurred while standing in line for the concert I was attending that evening. My feet started to get sore, my back was sore, Oh! I felt like a grumpy old man waiting in line in grown-up shoes! Luckily, once the concert started, I felt aaaaalllll better and kicked up my heels to classic Beatles tunes once my “Hard Day’s Night” was over (oh my god I actually made that joke).
Concert finished, on to the afterparty! It was to be my first time dancing under the spinnage of Questlove, so I was worried about my feet holding up. Rather than splash out on a taxi between venues, my group walked and. it. sucked. My feet hurt and I was sore at doing the money-saving, responsible thing by walking all the way to da club. Boo, grown-up shoes! Who wants to save money on cab fare and hoof it instead? Grown-ups. Shucks.
HOWEVER! Once the music picked up, my shoes were fine with my twist, shout, and grinding all over the place! We all danced to the wee hours of the morning and had a blast, shoes be damned!
The moral of the story (clearly) is this: Grown-up shoes only hurt when you’re doing grown-up things like saving money, waiting in line, and going to work. It’s not the shoes, it’s where you wear them!
Hint: Grown-ups wear them on their feet.