At last week’s session, I joked with my therapist that if I traveled back in time one year to give my former self a badly-needed hug, I wouldn’t recognize me. I dress and act like a totally different person and oh yeah, I eat licorice now.
Not just the lame, cheater, strawberry licorice. The good stuff. The “I like my licorice like I like my coffee like I like my wardrobe like I like my British comedy” kind. BLACK. BLACK LICORICE. Oh, you eat Red Vines? SCOFF. That’s so cute. Try SALTED BLACK LICORICE! That kind of thing, kids, is what happens when you work in a candy store. You think it’s all sunshine and lollipops and then WHAM! You get really weird.
I’d like to give a shout-out to some of my new licorice buddies now:
Licorice All-Sorts “Layer Cake”: This is the gateway drug. I tried one
of these at the store on a dare, and remember thinking “hmm, that’s not
so bad.” Trying led to buying (it usually does) and now I’ll walk by,
lift the lid, and sniff the container. I’m a sick individual.
Trader Joe’s Candy-Coated Licorice: If you don’t look at these happy little suckers and think “OMG MAGIC BEANZ!” then we can’t be friends. In fact, I don’t even want to know you.
Red Vines’ “Black Vines” (pictured above): At first, I was disappointed with the texture. “Too soft!” Said I. You know Rainbow Twizzlers? Like that. But after a while, they grew on me. They’re like chew toys for peoples. But they taste like dark, rich, delicious awesome silky luxury.
Fellow licorice lovers, come out of the closet. Cast aside prejudice and say it loud: I’m a black licorice lover and I’m proud!