Currently… in May 2019

 

FEELING:  Ugh. I am going. through. it. I noticed myself starting to go downhill last month, so I scheduled an appointment to see my general practitioner (primary care provider?) and instead saw a new doctor at my usual clinic (whom I liked a lot more? He let me talk about all of my concerns and he actually listened)! I got a referral to a psych clinic, and some blood drawn to check if there’s anything medically wrong with me. Sleeping is a struggle, and it normally isn’t. Getting motivated to do things is HARD. I’m really hoping that I can get some help soon, start going back to therapy.

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WATCHING: I started watching Guy’s Grocery Games on the recommendation of the Page 7 podcast, and it’s honestly THE BEST. I love cooking competition shows, and this one seems to have the best … “personality”? I honestly adore Guy Fieri. I also binge-watched the last two seasons of Santa Clarita Diet, which I really liked season 1 of, but the jokes are kinda repetitive and too California-centric. Also, it’s a controversial pick, but The Act on Hulu is phenomenal beyond words. I was very skeptical, but it’s gotten more and more artistically bonkers (think Twin Peaks) with each episode, and even though I’ve definitely been watching them as they come out, I’m looking forward to binge-watching all of the episodes when the whole series is out, to see how the individual episodes work together. It’s highly serialized, but by the time this post is published, I believe all 8 episodes will be available, but trigger warning, basically everything about this is so goddamn upsetting!

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LISTENING TO:  I’m so obsessed with the Page 7 podcast! I’ve been listening to it basically nonstop while in my worst states i.e. can’t get out of bed for anything except pee breaks. The cast of Marcus Parks, Jackie Zebrowski, and Molly Knefel have such charisma and charm, it feels like they’re my best friends! And they’re the ones who recommended Guy’s Grocery Games. Basically, I’ve been enjoying these things because they feel warm and friendly, which is a divergence from my typical “watching/listening to” which is like “murder documentaries, murder podcasts.”

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WORKING ON: This month has been a slowwwww one, I haven’t actually been working per se, but being objective, I’ve been pretty good about life admin. I did my taxes, which was rough, and then made a bunch of medical appointments! I got a filling at the dentist and got my yearly gyno exam back to back, which I can say is “getting all my cavities taken care of LOL.” And growing my bangs longer.

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THINKING ABOUT: Blog posts. Places to go on adventures. Trying not to do too much thinking, actually.

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EATING:  WELL. BIG news this month. I’ve stopped eating eggs. Once the cheap, protein-filled staple of my diet, I’ve gotten TERRIBLE stomach aches the last half-dozen or so times I’ve eaten them. So I’ve given up eggs! I plan to become FULLY vegetarian this year and my goal for 2020 is to go vegan! I’ll be a gluten-free vegan. I’m kind of terrified, because this means I’m going to have to give up my two main food groups which are (1) cheese and (2) mayonnaise, but I think if I can become *mostly* vegan, I’ll be happy. I’m most intimidated to give up fish, because you know I love my sushi; and gelatin, which is a key ingredient in Welch’s Fruit Snacks! I discovered a grocery store in (reasonable) walking distance to my home, and though they’re a little fancier (read: more expensive than Trader Joe’s), I found some tempeh to experiment with and am trying to make salads. I also 100% vouch for the Crispin Rosé Hard Cider!

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LOOKING FORWARD TO:  I know I’m going to be kicking myself for saying this in a month, but I’m excited for SUMMER! I can’t wait to bust out my sundresses and sun hat. I’m enjoying the milder and very rare “spring” we’re having, and UGH I am NOT looking forward to installing my air conditioner, even though I’m determined not to suffer through another humid summer without it.   

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MAKING ME HAPPY: As I said, the 60-70 degree weather is PERFECT and I’m loving the number of days we’re having when it’s just “warm.” Not too hot, not too cold, just perfect for this Weather Goldilocks. One thing I’ve been doing — and it’s hard — is trying to put on an outfit and a face of makeup every day, and getting outside for something. When I have medical appointments or specific events, this is easy. But when I don’t have anything to do, I’ll end up in bed — just like I was for weeks on end back in March — until 2 or even 4 in the afternoon. It is a Herculean effort to just get myself cleaned up and get shoes on to go outside, but so incredibly rewarding. I’ve been finding new things in my area to appreciate.

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