Twelve days. TWELVE DAYS! It’s been twelve fucking days and while we can’t say that the world is literally on fire, we can’t assume that it won’t start burning tomorrow. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like every waking second is like a slap in the face of all that I hold dear! It’s like I’ve *intense image forthcoming* been forced to my knees and handcuffed behind my back, while a Nazi (sorry ALT-RIGHT Nazi) forces my face forward onto a rotating wheel of rubber hands in a Cycle of Perpetual Slap. How was that?

And while it’s fun to say “I told you so!” to everyone currently suffering from Trump Regret, it doesn’t help us sleep at night while we’re staring at the ceiling wondering what’s going to come next (and how much longer we’ll have that ceiling over our heads, ily ceiling, please never leave me!).

Which is where your Official February 2017 “What Will Trump Fuck Up Next?” BINGO Card comes in handy!

Awful, right? But what can you do? Call your Senator? Phone lines are already jammed. Write them a letter? Stamps are like a dollar each now! Who can afford that, while still hoarding cash inside their futon mattress for the inevitable market crash and subsequent inflation! We’ll need that entire mattress-load to buy a single loaf of gluten-free bread, which we’ll then have to make last until 2020 in the hopes that we’ll still have free and (mostly) Democratic elections by then!

No, the Official February 2017 “What Will Trump Fuck Up Next?” BINGO Card doesn’t actually do anything to assuage the building sense of dread, BUT, it’s fun to shout out “BINGO!” when you win!

Small victories, eh?