I always say, it’s summer in New York until THE SECOND it becomes winter and then it’s winter until THE SECOND it becomes summer. When did winter happen, you ask? Winter happened overnight on October 1st. Which is cool! I can appreciate you, winter, for being organized and arriving on your own schedule!
And hey, it’s fun at first: colder weather, hotter beverages! Holidays coming up, means Holiday parties! And these cold nights are the perfect excuse to reignite a relationship…with your local food-delivery driver!
But don’t forget that you’re still going to need to answer that oh-so-crushingly-important question: What the hell am I going to wear? That’s where I come in. How do New Yorkers survive the colder months (which is to say, October through May)? Damn right it’s a list post.
Hand-knit Scarves & Beanies
Nothing says “cozy winter heart emoji” like looking like you rolled around in a random Etsy store. Yea, whether it is knit or crochet, locally sourced or bought from H&M, knit is BACK and it’s back with a vengeance rivalled only by the havoc it wreaks on your hair! What is that, a staticky bird’s nest? Oh, that’s your hair? Pardon me, Albert Einstein, my mistake.
Black & White Sweaters
Black and white horizontal stripes are SO trendy, SO French, and SO flattering! Why stop wearing them when the weather gets cold? I say “bring on the oversized boxy striped sweaters!” Bundle up extra layers underneath and look like the Hamburglar smuggling Happy Meals out of the local Play Place! Why not? It’s freezing out!
Thick Socks – Keep ‘Em Coming!
Better buy those winter boots a size or two too big, because it’s time for THICK MUTHAF*ING SOCKS. Socks for winter are an investment piece. Cashmere blend, wool, hell even some UGG boots underneath your everyday footwear and you might stand a chance at being able to feel your feet. Just think of all the money you’re saving on pedicures these next 7-8 months! Realistically, no one is going to see your toes until June, so tuck in and get comfy.
Fleece Lined Leggings
Men have No-Shave November when they can throw caution to the wind, but we have all of January and February to stop shaving our legs like we give a damn! When you throw away that razor til the first thaw of spring, be sure to pick up a pair of soft, fleece-lined leggings! Unlike regular leggings, these are double-thick to keep your legs warm AND to ensure your burgeoning garden of leg fur doesn’t poke through to make your legs look like sad cacti!
A Plane Ticket to Miami
When all else fails, the sure-fire accessory needed to keep warm in NYC is a one-way plane ticket to gloriously muggy Miami, Florida! It works instantly, almost anywhere! Slip it in your pocket to warm your hands on the go! Or, when icy tears of defeat stream down your face, rub them away with your one-way ticket out of Polar Vortex Hell while repeating the hook from Will Smith’s ’99 hip-hop hit “Welcome to Miami/Bienvenidos a Miami!” Sure, everyone else is giving you strange looks…of jealousy! They all wish they had thought of buying a ticket to Miami to stay warm, too. Can you blame them? No, you won’t even think of them – or frigid New York – while dipping your toes in the sandy warm beaches of the southernmost point of the East Coast. Adios, NYC! See you when the weather gets hot again!
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