Days of Daze

I feel absolutely dreadful for not keeping up with this blog how I used to.  And then I remember I feel absolutely dreadful in general.  I’m one of those people who spends the beginning of allergy season in a complete daze.  I can’t stop sneezing.  I can’t sleep at night because I can’t breathe.  I took the picture above as soon as I arrived at work on Friday to prove I was actually cute that day, because by the time I saw my boyfriend 15 and a half hours later, I looked like Old Gregg, except instead of seaweed, I was covered in snot.

Not exactly the look I was going for, TBH.

Another thing contributing to my dazed existence is the long hours of school.  Out of the ten hour day, I spend 7 hours actively interacting with high-energy kids whose ears seem to be strangely deaf to the pitch of my voice.  I’ve actually had to blow my safety whistle on them.  It didn’t even work!  I feel like the world’s most ineffective sheepdog.  Okay, not all the time.  About two hours of my day are lovely groups of manageable, interested kids who do the work and make my job worthwhile, debating me on the merits of communism and anarchy and writing amazing Vonnegut-inspired fan-fiction.  But the rest of my life (tack on two more hours of commute) has me completely exhausted.  All I do is sleep, work, come home, shower, sleep, work, come home, shower, sleep, work, come home, shower…until the weekend.  What’s a life?  I don’t even know anymore.

I sympathize with this haggard-looking drawing of Harrison Bergeron, here.

Add on top of this the fact that I’m in a bit of limbo on deadlines.  School ends soon, and I don’t really know what my life will hold after that (besides getting more than 5 hours of sleep at night, not complaining there).  I’m also on the precipice of moving, which has me alternating between ecstatic and terrified.  While I’m scrolling Pinterest for tips on how to create a gallery wall, I’m beating myself up emotionally because I don’t feel like I deserve to be happy.  Isn’t that truly terrible to admit?  Here I am, with a lovely opportunity to be really happy, and all I can do is torture myself inwardly because I feel unworthy.

So that’s what’s been going on with my life lately.  That’s why posting hasn’t been as easy as I’d like to wish it was.  I’m really trying to get my groove back, I swear!  But if I don’t, you know where to find me.

Under the mound of used Kleenex.


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